Prologue: Vinnie has a new apartment. It is one of those typical fleabag type places. He can't keep the shades drawn, however. He picks up a magazine with a centerfold and pins it to a door; it's actually one with a car. Someone knocks at the door; it's Sally, who works at the same hospital Vinnie works at. He tries to straighten up the place; he can't get the shades down so he pulls them off, then he grabs some deodorizer and sprays the room and his armpits. Then he opens the door and says hello to Sally. He says it took so long to answer the door because he is still getting used to getting around the place. She says she tried to call but his phone isn't listed. He says it's a new rule that the phone company won't list it unless he has one. She says he has a nice hallway and he shows it to her. She says the apartment must be great and it takes a bit for him to realize that she wants to see it. She says it would look better once he gets moved in; he says he is moved in. He sits on the couch and she sits on an arm and says that she has to break their date because she has to work. He says he understands, then tries to reach for her, but she goes to the door. He heads her off and asks for his good night kiss. They kiss and say good night, but he leaves. Then he comes back saying he's still not used to having an apartment.
Part One: Sally tells Vinnie it's nice that she understand about her breaking their date. He says he knows they'll see each other again. But when she leaves he starts pitching a fit until another knock is heard. He thinks it's sally, but it's actually Julie, who has a housewarming gift. She asks how he likes having his own place. He says that it was getting crowded at home, so he decided to move out so they would have one less mouth to feed. Julie says that he might miss them but he says he'll see them when he goes back home for dinner. Vinnie then opens his present, bath towels. He says that he can take the ones he took from the hospital back; He opens the closet and it's packed with hospital towels. Then the Sweathogs arrive; Juan, Freddie and Arnold all disparage the place. Beau then introduces himself. Julie tells him he's in Gabe's class but Vinnie doesn't believe it. Freddie tells him of Beau's way with the girls, and after an insult round, Vinnie declares him a 'definite maybe.' Vinnie then shows everyone around the place, including the combo ironing board/dinner table and the combo kitchen/laundry room. Beau asks where the bed is. Vinnie says it will arrive when the Flatbush Express does. Then a train rumbles outside and a Murphy bed falls out of the double doors. Julie says that Vinnie will enjoy privacy but the boys start yelling out the window at the 'foxy chicks in Brooklyn' that they are 'centrally located for their 'partying convenience.' Julie again tries to get them to leave but instead make her leave. Then they all sit around and eat his potato chips. Vinnie says that he can fix up the place by himself. Juan says they can help but he says a guy needs to be alone. Beau they should divvy up the nights. After Juan does that, Vinny says he gets every night by himself. He says they're invited over, but only when he invites them, and that he wants them to go. The boys all get upset. Juan says that not only has he been thrown out of better dumps than his, he lives in one. Freddie says that he'll leave him alone. Arnold says that there's something he's always wanted to tell him but since he's giving him the silent treatment, he'll just have to guess what it is. Beau says he wishes he could leave as friends and Juan says the next time he darkens Vinnie's door it will be with a can of spray paint. He yells at them that he wants them to stop slamming his door. Then he slams and kicks the door and the bed falls back in the room.
Part Two: Gabe is reminding his class that a paper is due the next day. Woodman makes his way through the students and tells Gabe that the students like him better as principal. He says that Woodman doesn't have to have a SWAT team accompanying him in the halls. Vinnie then comes in and tells Gabe what happened with the Sweathogs. Woodman says he's better off without them. When Vinnie says they're his friends, he says he hasn't had a friend in 20 years and with luck, Vinnie will be as happy-go-lucky as him. After he leaves, Gabe says every night the suicide hotline calls him up and asks 'Are you ready?' Vinnie says he wanted to hang out with the boys but they just ignored him. Gabe says not to worry about it, but then they come in and ignore Vinnie. Gabe tells them to stop it, but they call him the 'Lone Stranger' and do a William Tell Overture parody. Gabe says they should be ashamed but Vinnie says they don't want to be his friends and he doesn't want to be theirs. Gabe asks why they're coming down hard on him and Juan says he threw them out of his apartment. Gabe says that Vinnie needs room to grow. Freddie says they can grow in the same room but Gabe says they can't; that Vinnie was just feeling some independence and they were crowding him. He says that someday they'll want their independence too and they'll want their friends to stand behind them, not turn on them. Beau says that his daddy said there were three things one never turned their back on, and the most important one was their friends; he turned to the other Sweathogs as he said that. Gabe asks what the other two are and Beau says 'A good woman and or nurse with a dull needle.' That night, Vinnie is talking to himself that he doesn't need the other Sweathogs, and there are other things he can do by himself. He starts to do all sorts of thins, like throwing his clothes around, tossing his dirty dishes in the trash or jumping on the couch. He then says that once word gets out about his apartment, chicks will come around, 'real superstars' in his words. He pretends that many girls come over, but when the train comes by and the bed falls out, he wails 'I'm so lonely!' Then someone knocks at the door and Vinnie cleans up. It's the other Sweathogs and when they come in, everyone starts apologizing over each other. Then they start to pass the first apology to each other. Eventually they get the apologies out and they all hug. Then Gabe and Julie come over with Chinese food. Gabe sees the dining room table and says the eggrolls needed ironing anyway. Woodman then arrives with grape Nehi. Vinnie says he won't kick anyone out anymore. Then Sally comes in and says she wants to spend time alone, but Vinnie says introduce her to his friends.
Epilogue: Gabe tells a story about someone who didn't have any friends, his uncle Nesbit. He says Nesbit bought a dog and took it to the movies. After the show the manager asks Nesbit how his 'friend' liked the show. Nesbit says he liked it and when the manager said he found it hard to believe, Nesbit said he didn't believe it either because the dog didn't like the book. Gabe chuckles but everyone else keeps eating out of their takeout boxes.