Welcome Back, Kotter Season 1 Episode 18

Gabe: All right, Epstein, come on. Let's have it so we can get to work.
Juan: What?
Gabe: One of your famous notes that'll read something like, 'Please excuse Juan for being late. He was kidnapped by the jet set and left tied up on a lawn in Hyannis Port.' Signed...
Sweathogs: Epstein's mother!

Ms. Helms: Mr. Epstein just doesn't have the numbers! I have no other answer for him!
Gabe: Yeah? Well, I have an answer for you, lady—up your nose with your comupter hose! And twice as far with a chocolate bar!

Vinnie: (reading his composition) I wanna be a guy who never writes compsitions. The end. (Sweathogs cheer)
Gabe: You're gonna be a guy who never gets out of high school.

Kotter: Try and read my lips: Where is Epstein?!
Vinny: There.
Kotter: Where?!
(Juan is standing behind Kotter)
Juan: Here.

(upon meeting Juan's pet hamster)
Freddy: Aw, Epstein, he looks just like you: all hairy with mean little eyes.