What's My Line?

Season 9 Episode 38

EPISODE #415

0
Aired Daily 12:00 AM May 18, 1958 on CBS

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  • Notes

    • Two funny moments:

      1.) The first guest is a mattress demonstrator. When it is revealed that they are "vibrating" mattresses, Arlene quips, "Those are the best kind!" This gets everyone laughing and you see John tug at his collar - as though embarrassed at the innuendo. Later, John announces that all 5 of the WML group will be trying out those vibrating mattresses!

      2.) It appears that the guests are trying to get Bennett's goat now, because the second contestant emerges wearing a borderline "sack" dress. Of course, Bennett can't leave well enough alone. He starts to question her about it and John (jokingly) puts an end to it. Fabulous episode! - fiveninegal (2003)

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      MYSTERY GUEST TRANSCRIPT

      This segment is just too fabulous to pass up! The following is a verbatim transcript of Steve Allen's funny mystery guest appearance on May 18, 1958! - fiveninegal (2003)

      JD: Now, will you come in mystery challenger and sign in please!

      (Enter Steve Allen - HUGE HUGE HUGE audience response)

      JD: All right. Panel, as you know in the case of our mystery guest, we dispense with the usual forms of questioning and go to another form. You will ask one question at a time, in turn, moving clockwise and we'll begin it all with our distinguished guest, Ralph Bellamy.
      RB: Well, from that, uh, applause obviously it's someone we all know. Do you, by any chance, have any connection with, uh, a recent picture - a picture that just opened? "Gigi" let's say?
      SA: No I don't! (BIG laugh from audience and John because of the extremely high-pitched voice Mr. Allen is using! Think "Mickey Mouse!")
      JD: That's 1 down and 9 to go, Miss Francis.
      AF: Heavens! Do you have anything to do with either television or the theatre?
      SA: Yes.
      JD: Mr. Cerf.
      AF: An opera singer, no doubt!
      SA: Thank you. (Loud giggle from DK)
      BC: Are you male?
      SA: YES!
      JD: Miss Kilgallen.
      SA: Don't let the voice fool ya!
      DK: (cracking up) I'm all mixed up, I was just about to ask if it was a curvaceous blonde.
      SA: Not quite!
      DK: Uh, are you more noted for television than your work in the theatre?
      SA: I'm afraid so.
      JD: Mr. Bellamy.
      RB: Uh, do you have a weekly series?
      SA: Very! (HUGE laugh)
      JD: That's spelled W-E-E-K-L-Y. Miss Francis.
      AF: Are you a comedian on this series..."weakly"?
      SA: VERY! (Hearty laugh from John)
      JD: Mr. Cerf.
      BC: Is the show named after you?
      SA: (immediately) It wasn't named before me! (Theatre erupts in laughter and applause)
      JD: Miss Kilgallen.
      DK: Well, is there a dummy here? (Audience literally HOWLS)
      JD: Miss Kilgallen, I resent that!
      SA: Not on this side of the stage! (Okay, this brings the house down! John hugs Steve and Dorothy is in hysterics!)
      DK: There are...there are four over here!
      RB: (after laughter dies down) Where are we?
      DK: It's you, Ralph.
      RB: Ummm, well, would your first name be Bob?
      JD: Bob? B-O-B?
      RB: Yes.
      JD: Nooooooo. 2 down and 8 to go, Miss Francis.
      AF: Did you have a last name in mind? (chuckles) Are you, uh, do you appear on a network other than this network?
      SA: Yes, I do.
      JD: Mr. Cerf.
      BC: Would that be NBC?
      SA: Yes, it would.
      JD: Miss Kilgallen.
      DK: How does that help? (big laugh) They have so many. Uh, do you do anything else besides be funny? Like sing or dance?
      SA: Mmmm...yes.
      JD: Mr. Bellamy.
      RB: Is your weekly show a situation comedy show?
      SA: Well, the situation is we could use more comedy! (applause, applause)
      JD: (trying to speak while laughing) 3 down and 7 to go, Miss Francis.
      AF: I detect something adorable in that voice.
      SA: I'll see YOU later!! (AF cracks up)
      AF: Would a red-headed woman not approve of that statement? (Arlene is referring to Steve's wife, the lovely red-headed Jayne Meadows)
      SA: Mmmm...yup!
      AF: Are you bigger than a breadbox? (LAUGHS! Arlene asks this question because Steve was THE man who coined the famous phrase, "Is it bigger than a breadbox?")
      SA: Yup!
      JD: Go ahead Miss Arl...Miss Francis.
      AF: Is it the inimitable Steve Allen?
      JD: Steve Allen!
      Rousing cheers from audience! Arlene is in tears and Steve blows a kiss to the panel.
      JD: That was wonderful! Welcome home.
      SA: It was. It's always fun to be on this show. It's sort of like old home week around here for me.
      JD: Well it's old home week for us. I must say that, uh, as most of you know, we all worked together for a long time and we all became tremendously fond of this gentleman. He went off and got to be such a big star that he couldn't stay with us. We were pleased about that, but unhappy that he had to leave us and it's wonderful to have you back, Steve...(shaking hands and Arlene interrupts)
      AF: But, but I think we ought to mention the fact that he isn't just adorable on the screen all the time. He's written a new book and I think we ought to get a plug in for that. Isn't it just out, Steve?
      SA: Yes.
      DK: And I've read it and it's marvelous!
      SA: Thank you.
      JD: "The Girls on the Tenth Floor"?
      SA: Well, thank you all!
      AF: I'm moving up!
      JD: I was going to ask him about it afterwards. I didn't know who the girls were!
      Big laugh as the wonderful, witty, hilarious, adorable and charming Steve Allen says hello/goodbye to the panel.

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