Sara: For the record, I am very much not the incriminating-photos type.
Neal: Well, there was that time --
Sara: Neal, I thought I was hitting speed dial.
Peter: (looking at Mozzie) Where did you come from?
Mozzie: 45 years ago, an enigma gave a paradox a very special hug.
Bryson: (after Neal offers to testify in the trial) Thank you, Neal. But, I already have Peter and he, um, how do I put this...
Jones: ...doesn't have a dark and sorted past as a professional con man.
Diana: Or an on-again-off-again relationship with the whole truth.
Jones: Or even-
Neal: -Point taken!
Jones: (about Peter) He's the prosecution's star witness.
Diana: And the only thing he loves more than arresting criminals...
Jones: ...is testifying against them on their trial.
Neal: Oh, I remember. Vividly.
Peter: (referring to the suspect) She is who you call when the CEO of your Fortune 500 company crashes his Bentley with his 18-year-old mistress' head on his lap.
Bryson: (during Neal's testimony) Mr. Caffrey, when you're known in some circles as a con man, and a liar, why should we believe a word of any of this?
Neal: Oh, you shouldn't. People lie.
Defense Attorney: How does being a fake scientist qualify this man to identify benzene?
Judge: I'd very much like the answer to that myself.
Neal: Your Honor, I was convicted of bond forgery, and forgery is as much science as it is art.
Bryson: And does the government consider you an expert in forgery?
Neal: Of all types.
Neal: Sara already told Shepherd that there are compromising photos of her with another man out there. (Turns to Sara) You never mentioned who that man was.
Peter: Which gives us creative license to make those photos real.
Elizabeth: (incredulously) What?
Peter: No, I mean, not real, but look real. Real-looking. And you can completely be there.
Elizabeth: In the photos?
Peter: No. No, I'm just saying that you can watch.
Sara: Oh. 'Cause that won't be awkward.
Elizabeth: Well...Huh. I hate to say it. But I think it'll work.
Elizabeth: (after hearing the plan) And why wouldn't she use the dirt she has against you?
Peter: Out of loyalty to her best client.
Elizabeth: And who's her best client? (Sara, Neal and Peter exchange glances)
Sara: The insurance investigator... who's sleeping with your husband.
Neal: I know how we can take Bryson's extortion photos out of play.
Peter: I'm all ears.
Neal: How would you feel about sleeping with Sara Ellis?
Sara: (about the fixer) She's damn good at cleaning up messes.
Neal: Saved your ass?
Sara: I may or may not have hired her to retrieve my broken heel from Ivanka Trump's doormat. (Neal opens his mouth to speak) Don't ask.
Neal: So, testifying isn't as much about the questions as it is about the answers
Neal: And I stand corrected. (Peter nods triumphantly) Testifying is a two-man con.
Peter: Go sharpen your pencils.
Neal: (about testifying) You're convincing a jury your narrative is right. It's a con.
Peter: Nope. Conning involves deceit.
Neal: Oh. A lie of omission isn't deceit?
Peter: My testimony isn't a lie of omission.
Neal: Are you mentioning the part where the benzene was nowhere to be found when you showed up with the warrant later?
Neal: (about Peter) It's like it's Christmas morning and he's unwrapping a "guilty" verdict.
Neal: You don't think I should trust Sam?
Mozzie: I'm simply saying that you should go in with both eyes open. And... the Suit has the resources to be those eyes.
Neal: You realize that somewhere pigs are flying right now?
Mozzie: Yes, and that is the sound of Hell freezing over.
Original International Airdates:
Canada: March 6, 2013 on Bravo