White Collar Season 2 Episode 2

Peter: You don't get to 'shhh' me.
Neal: Oh, okay. Next time I'll let Jennings hear your voice in the background.

Neal: (talking about how to create an alias) What do you guys need to know about creating a background?
Diana: Nothing, we're the FBI. You're good, but we're better.

Neal: Morning. You look exhausted.
Peter: I don't sleep well when Elizabeth's out of town.
Neal: If her company keeps taking off the way it is, you're gonna retire early and become a house-husband.
Peter: Because when you look at me, you see soap operas and light housework?

(Neal looks at his fake high school yearbook)
Neal: I finally get to be valedictorian.
Peter: You weren't valedictorian?
Neal: You have to graduate for that.

Peter:(after playing "bad cop") How'd I do?
Neal: Nice acting.
Peter: Who said I was acting?

Neal: Politicians were the original con men.

Mozzie: Did you confront the suit about the pictures?
Neal: Yeah, I did. He said it was a misunderstanding.
Mozzie: Oh, right. So was the Bay of Pigs.

(Elizabeth calls while Peter's logging into the escort service Website)
Elizabeth: You got any big plans for tonight?
Peter: Nope. Just catching up on some work.
Website: Are you looking for high-class female companionship?
Elizabeth: Uh, what kind of work is that?
Peter: Oh, it's not what it sounds like.
Website: Our discreet service gives you a chance to spend a day with the girl of your dreams.
Peter: Or that.
Website: We will introduce you to fashion models, pageant winners, beau--
(Peter closes laptop to stop the audio)
Elizabeth: Oh, I can't wait to hear this explanation.
Peter: Research, I swear.

Neal: Even Mozzie voted for [Senator Jennings].
Peter: Mozzie votes?
Neal: More often than you'd think... or would approve of.

Neal: Bad cop, good criminal.
Peter: No such thing.

Neal: All we need's a bad cop.
Peter: I can do bad cop.
Neal: I've seen you do mildly irritated cop.
(Peter frowns at Neal)
Neal: Wow.

Peter: Caffrey, that's my newspaper.
Neal: Relax, I'll give it back.
Peter: Touch my crossword and I will put you back behind bars.
Neal: Oh, you do it in pen. I'm impressed.

Dylan: I'm a terrible liar.
Neal: Good. We need more terrible liars in politics.

Peter: How's your first day at work?
Neal: I've taken up smoking.
Peter: Politics is already corrupting you.

Peter: Why am I explaining myself to you. Not everything's a conspiracy, Neal.
Neal: I hope that's true. I've never lied to you.
Peter: Oh, come on, Neal. You lie for a living.
Neal: Not to you. I may have let you draw certain conclusions that weren't correct, but never an actual lie.

Peter: You gonna tell her?
Neal: I'm not telling her.
Peter: You're the one who made her a hooker.
Neal: You're the one who's sleeping with her.
Peter: You got a point.
Diana: Yeah?
Peter: Neal told Jennings you're a hooker. You and I are having an affair. You're gonna go meet with an escort service.
Diana: Okay. Anything else?
Peter: No. (Diana leaves and Peter exhales relieved)
Neal: It's good to have her back.

Mozzie: It's only fair. We keep secrets from the suits all the time. Now they have their own. There's a certain universal synchronicity to it all.
Neal: Spare me your "circle of life" crap.

Neal: It is really exciting in the van. Can I just go in there and...
Peter: You'll sit there, and you'll like it.

Mozzie: You've come to the right place.
Peter: Cut the crap, Mozzie. Can you get us the ten grand or not?
Mozzie: Yes. But first some ground rules. I want full immunity about anything you may see or hear tonight.
Peter: Let's just say I owe you one.
Mozzie: I accept your counteroffer.

Peter: (to Neal) How is it that you always get the penthouse suite with the girl and I end up with the sweaty, bald-headed guy at a warehouse in Queens?