White Collar

Season 3 Episode 12

Upper West Side Story

Aired Thursday 9:00 PM Jan 24, 2012 on USA
out of 10
User Rating
113 votes

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Episode Summary

When scholarships funds are stolen, Neal goes undercover as a substitute teacher.

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  • eeww:

    adults tricking an underage and distressed girl into an intimate relationship with a person of their choosing is not creepy and disgusting at all.
Graham Phillips

Graham Phillips

Evan Leary

Guest Star

Elizabeth Gillies

Elizabeth Gillies

Chloe Woods

Guest Star

John Rothman

John Rothman

Graham Slater

Guest Star

Sharif Atkins

Sharif Atkins

FBI Agent Clinton Jones

Recurring Role

Trivia, Notes, Quotes and Allusions


  • TRIVIA (1)

    • When Neal took Chloe's phone to give a call to her dad, her phonebook has Danielle (Diana's alias) listed as a contact although Chloe haven't actually met her.

  • QUOTES (13)

    • Mozzie: Turns out I did have need for a vial. Potassium carbonate, sucrose, and just a hint of nitrogen.
      Neal: They have nitrogen here?
      Mozzie: Oh, this really is an excellent school.

    • Diana: You are under arrest for attempted murder and fraud.
      Andy: Danielle?
      Diana: It's Diana. And your girlfriend's cooking sucks.

    • Andy: My daughter didn't describe you as being so, uh...
      Neal: So bookish?
      Andy: So symmetrical.

    • Peter: You can come out, Mozzie!
      Mozzie: You have no proof I'm here!
      Peter: There's a half a bottle of wine on the table and a whiff of camembert in the air.
      Mozzie: Circumstantial!

    • Mozzie: Do you have any idea how many women I've wooed by using an apropos quote from Victorian literature?
      Evan: Really? How many?
      Mozzie: Now, why are you wearing
      a cardigan and a sweater?

    • Mozzie: Not bad for big brother.
      Neal: You're admiring government tech?
      Mozzie: No, I-I'm, uh, I'm pitying it. It's terribly unwieldy.
      Neal: I'll try not to let it weigh me down.

    • Peter: I walk in the classroom, and the girls were all glassy-eyed, like they saw that kid from those vampire movies.

    • Mozzie: I should have known our daring rescue of Elizabeth wouldn't buy lasting goodwill with the suit.
      Neal: It's Peter. He can't be bought.

    • Peter: Do you know how many parents would be up in arms if they knew their teenager was being taught by a felon?
      Neal: Oh, trust me. It is better than being taught by the real Mr. Cooper.

    • Neal: I might have graduated if I had gone somewhere like this.
      Peter: I'm not surprised you like it here. Even the kindergartners wear ties.

    • Neal: Did Hogwarts book a field trip?
      Peter: Looks like it. Jones, who's that?
      Jones: Oh, uh, Evan Leary. The kid was sitting in the lobby since 7:00. Said he wouldn't leave until he spoke with a case agent.
      Peter: He asked to see a case agent.
      Jones: Uh-huh.
      Neal: Someone did his homework.
      Peter: 10 points for Gryffindor.

    • Elizabeth: (about Neal) He had the treasure, and he didn't leave. He gave it up for us. I think that says a lot about his character.
      Peter: He had the treasure. That says a lot about his character.

    • Peter: I'll approach the school as a wealthy parent with a teenage son. I'll need an alias.
      Neal: Alistair Stone. A wealthy Hong Kong banker relocating to New York looking for a school for your son, Alistair Jr. You like catamarans and cognac.
      Peter: It's like you're an alias savant.

  • NOTES (2)


    • When Neal says, "Ooh, careful, Papa Smurf" he is referring the a character in the comic "The Smurfs" by joking about the blue liquid on Peter's hand.