Peter: If I can't pick her up-
Neal: -You're gonna have to drop her off.
Diana: You're gonna have to seal the deal.
Peter: No, no, no! No deal sealing.
Diana: You don't want her dumping you and going after another victim.
Neal: Diana's right. You need to impress her enough that she wants to take you home.
Peter: Elizabeth got me into this.
Neal: Yes, she did.
Peter: So, technically, it's okay.
Sara: We, actually, have never been on a date.
Neal: Peter and Elizabeth's house.
Sara: Dinner date, not date-date.
Neal: Define date-date.
Neal: What about lunches?
Sara: Lunch is not romantic. Lunch is lunch.
Neal: We have never been on a real date.
Neal: Are you scared to tell Elizabeth? (about taking part in the bachelor auction)
Peter: It's an application for the Manhattan Millionaire Society Bachelors Auction. If she's gonna be at this auction, then so are we. Club has three open slots for eligible men. That means I need three volunteers. Neal, raise your hand.
Neal: Do I have to?
Peter: Yes. (Neal raises his hand)
Peter: Here's another case we need to make disappear. (hands the file to Neal)
Neal: (opens the file) Selena Thomas. Who's she?
Peter: Devoted serial monogamist. Marries wealthy men right before they die.
Neal: A black widow.
Peter: Could be. She has four rich late husbands.
Neal: She gets around.
Neal: (spreads a deck of cards on the table, in front of Peter) Pick a card. Any card.
Peter: What does this have to do with that property fraud scam?
Neal: You'll have the whole thing cracked before I can say 'ta-da'. Pick a deed.
Peter: (picks one card) Now what?
Neal: Now I take these 51 deeds and figure out which one you took. It's not magic, it's math.
Peter: We go through the title company's records, match them with the real things and figure out which one's missing.
(About Peter and Selena's "engagement")
Peter: El, I'm risking my life here.
Elizabeth: Yes, you are! I mean, this was supposed to be a date, not a Save the Date!
Sara: Can Peter draw?
Neal: Unless she's expecting a breathtaking stick figure, he's in trouble.
(Neal and Mozzie unsuccessfully search for evidence during Peter's "bachelor party".)
Peter: Great. I don't know who's gonna kill me first, my wife or my fiancée.
Selena: (whispering in Peter's ear) Let's go back to my apartment so that --
(Feedback over Neal and Diana's headphones)
Neal: Did you get that?
Diana:The first part loud and clear.
Neal: And the second?
Diana: Never to be repeated.
Women: (chanting) Men! Men! Men! Men!
Peter: Why do I feel like I need a pike and sword?
Neal: For those about to date…we salute you.
(After Peter volunteers for the bachelor auction)
Neal: Are you scared to tell Elizabeth?
(Peter and Neal standing in the middle of the Peter "bachelor party" and Mozzie approaches them)
Peter: What he is doing here?
Mozzie: I love National Geographic. The mating habits of mid-level government employees, totally captivating.
International Episode Titles:
Belgium: "La veuve noire" (The black widow)
Original International Air Dates:
Latin America: February 15, 2012 on FOX
Czech Republic: September 1, 2012 on Prima LOVE
Canada: November 5, 2012 on Bravo
Belgium: July 16, 2013 on RTL-TVI
Peter: Why do I feel I need a pike and sword?
Neal: For those about to date, we salute you.
Neal's answer is a modified variant of a well-known Latin phrase "Those who are about to die salute you," which was first quoted in De Vita Caesarim by a Roman historian named Suetonius.