Who's the Boss? Season 8 Episode 6

Ernie: Mr. Tony Bower. Has a nice ring to it.
Tony: So will your neck when I get a hold of it.

(all bidding on some tawdry portrait of Mona)
Man 1: One thousand dollars!
Man 2: Two thousand!
Phil: Five thousand, and if anyone bids against me, I'll sue 'em!
Ida: Phil--
Phil: I want it, Ida!

Ernie: Still, that's a lot. Where you gonna get that kind of money?
Tony: I have no idea.
Ernie: Don't you have a stash of mad money?
Tony: Mad money I got. Bonehead money I'm all out of.

Tony: Maybe we should get something straight. See, I'm already involved with someone.
Maggie: So?
Tony: So you keep looking at me like I'm some kind of pastry.

Samantha: I want an explanation and I want it now.
Tony: Well, that's simple, Sam. I'm your father's evil twin.

Tony: No matter where I end up, I'm never gonna be as successful as you. You'll always be the breadwinner and I'll be making crumbs.
Angela: So what do you want me to do? Sell my business? Go back to being a copy writer so you can support us?
Tony: You'd do that for us?

Angela: You know that every day of my life, I run up against guys who can't handle the fact that I'm a successful woman. I thought you were different. It's one of the things I love about you. But if you can't handle it, I guess it's better we find out now.

Tony: Okay, I've thought about it, and here's how we're gonna handle this, and I don't want any arguments. First, in regards to the aforementioned painting, whatever the hell it is, I've decided to grant you permission to loan me the money.
Angela: Really?
Tony: The reason for the reversal of my prior position is that upon reflection in light of overwhelming evidence, I've decided that I am a jerk. I see that it's unanimous. Good.

Angela: Are you sure that you're okay about me helping you out here?
Tony: No. But I love you enough to give it a shot.