Opening Scene: A picture of a church with Zoë saying:
"OK let's take it from the top …it all began one day when I found myself strangely enough … getting married!"
There is Cliff standing by her side:
"What are you doing here?" she asks him
"You are getting married aren't you?" he says offering Zoë his arm … and they start walking down the aisle!
Zoë continues with her story:
"Naturally this came as a great surprise to me … and when I realized it was … Dan … I was about to marry … I promptly tripped and fell on the floor! Confused? So am I!"
Zoë goes on to explain that three weeks earlier her friend Sally Bowles was running for her life … in a wooded area … chased by a man and a woman … who say they only want to talk to her … and are concerned they are going to miss Letterman … and as Sally is running she falls into a hole … along comes the man and woman and Sally tries to tell "Stuart" that she will give him back all the money and that she didn't double cross him …
"You didn't double cross me Sally … you …"
"Just disappointed me … that's all …" says the woman.
"Lyse … must you prompt me like some game show host? …"
"You just disappointed me that's all … and to think that I liked you …!"
"Elyse would you do the honours …?" Stuart hands her the gun … and she shoots Sally several times … but not enough for Stuart …
"It appears that you missed a spot!"
Stuart points …. "Oh!" says Elyse and shoots again!
"Much, much better!" says Stuart kissing Elyse!
So … Zoë was getting married and was freaking out … and picking herself up off the floor, but as she walked down the aisle again she had a rose petal stuck to her face, which Dan has to tell her about!
Zoë explains that what was worse was that the person marrying Dan and her … was a murderer … Stuart!
"Dearly Beloved …" starts Stuart …"We are gathered here today to join this man and woman in Holy Matrimony!" … Zoë and Dan look stunned!
"Daniel Lennox, do you take this woman to be your wife … to live together in Holy Matrimony …to love, honour and comfort her, and keep her in sickness and health … forsaking all others …for as long as you both do live?"
Hesitating … Dan says … "I … I do!" Zoë looks completely shocked!
"Zoë Busiek … (Zoë is now totally shocked!) … do you take this man to be your husband … to live together in Holy Matrimony … to love, honour and comfort him and to keep him in sickness and in health, forsaking all others, for as long as you both do live?"
Dan looks on bemused.
"Zoë … do you?" asks Stuart. Zoë stands there with her mouth open!
"Zoë shall I repeat the question?"
"Blink if you can hear me …!" says Dan!
Zoë starts explaining that the fun part about all this was that two weeks before was that they had been trying to set up the whole thing up as soon as they knew Sally Bowles was dead.
Flashback to the office with M telling Zoë and Dan that she knows Sally is dead because Sally hasn't been back home to look after her smelly cats! M says that she knows Sally isn't on a museum gig as is thought, and that Sally is a con artist who couldn't stay straight.
"Once a grifter … always a grifter!"
"Present company excluded!" says Dan.
"Oh zip it Dan!"
M explains that the first time she met Sally was when Sally was trying to sell her beach front property that was under water and that she had loved her ever since!
A very drunk Lombardi walks into the office. "You are not alone M!" he says.
On the screen is a photo of a man.
"Ooh, Stuart Dresden …" says Lombardi … "It was Stuart Dresden that killed her … Stuart R Dresden … and don't deny it M!"
"Leo … you're drunk!"
"I know … not drunk enough!"
Lombardi tells Dan, Zoë and M that actually Sally Bowles was his sister and that he had brought her into a case he was working on to bring Dresden down concerning two Russian weddings rings that were in the museum where Sally was working. Dresden is obsessed with jewellery. Lombardi asks them if they will help him get revenge for Sally, particularly as he has now been suspended from the force, even though she had tried to double cross Dresden.
Lombardi tells them that Dresden owns a very fancy wedding outfit called Château Dresden but that at times during the week; he goes into a bar where all the high flyers go and plays a game of bowling on the bar counter. The barman sets up a group of glasses on top of each other, gives the punters small red balls to throw along the counter and knock the glasses over. The barman makes sure that the high flyers keep on winning and Stuart losing so that the bets go up and up. Then at the last minute he switches the balls so that Stuart wins the pot!
"So all you have to do is… make a grand entrance and get noticed with your bling bling!" says Lombardi!
Next scene is Zoë and Dan in the bar, with Zoë ordering the drinks!
"Bartender, could I have vodka martini with 4 olives … I like it a little dirty! No make it a double! With a water back! Dan …?"
"I'll have a …!"
"He'll have what I'm having … but with one olive! And what do you say that you and I give it another spin and wage that $5,000 that is on the bar?" Zoë says turning to Stuart who is sitting on the bar next to her!
"I beg your pardon … are you talking to me?"
"How about we make it double or nothing?"
"I'm Stuart Dresden … I don't believe I caught your … name!" he says looking at Zoë's stunning engagement ring! "Beautiful stone!"
"I'm sorry … this is my fiancée … Zoë Busiek …and I'm her fiancé Dan Lennox … we're fiancés!"
"Yeah, look at that he bought me a ring and everything!"
"That is quite an elegant ring you are sporting there!"
"Little bit much for a trip down to the Justice of the Peace don't you think? But you know what we figured our ship had come in … live a little right? Between you and me, bowling partner, the next one is going to be … oooh … something else … it used to belong to some Russian … Queen … Roman?"
"Ah, you mean the Tsarina … Alexandra Romanov?"
"That's it!" says Dan.
"I thought that ring was supposed to be on display somewhere in a museum …?"
"So are we going to bowl on the bar … or are you going to stand there looking down my fiancée's découtage?" asks Dan!
"I beg your pardon?"
"Tell you what … if you like that ring so much … we'll anti that up and …what else have you got to bid?"
"Well as a matter of fact … I own a wedding parlour … perhaps you have heard of it … the Château Dresden?"
"You … you're Château Dresden?"
"Ow!" says Dan!
"Tell you what … you put up your ring and I will put up one Royal Deluxe Wedding … I mean after all you are engaged!"
Zoë gets on the bar … takes the red ball and after blowing luck on it … runs it along the bar and knocks the glasses over!
The barman runs a ball along the bar for Stuart to pick up however Dan gets hold of it, holds it in the air whilst he moves his drink … then pretends to throw it in the air and does a magic trick giving Stuart back the ball. Stuart runs the ball along the bar but the balls misses the glasses and Zoë wins. Stuart glares at the barman who looks stunned!
"Tough luck Stuey …!" says Dan.
"What do you say Mr Dresden … that we check in tomorrow?"
"I shall be waiting with bated breath!"
Zoë says to Dan "Alright … tell me the truth … you switched the balls right?"
Holding a red ball in the air … Dan says "I would never do that!"
"Dan it is a simple question … you are a simple man … if we are going to be getting married what am I supposed to pack?" Zoë is in her bedroom packing whilst on the phone to Dan. However, Hannah and Taylor are listening in the corridor outside her room. Taylor things Zoë is having an argument with Dan but Hannah tells her they are getting married. "No, no, no … they provide the gown and the tuxedo … all we have to do is show up!" continues Zoë with Dan. Zoë calls the girls in and she tells them that she and Dan have a last minute stake-out but she has left them food and she loves them! She tells Taylor to look after things and make sure that Cliff showers!
Cliff comes out of the bathroom … "So … what's up?"
"Aunt Zoë is eloping with Dan!" says Taylor!
"Wow!" says Hannah.
Dan and Zoë are breaking into the museum to get the Tsarina's ring. Dan fixes the alarm and Zoë has to climb under a glass box which Dan has to haul up with a rope. Whilst Zoë is taking time getting the ring, Dan can't hold the box and drops it trapping Zoë inside. Zoë freaks! Dan pulls the rope; Zoë gets out and Dan drops the box. The alarm goes off. Whilst they are running away they are caught by a security guard with a gun. Zoë kicks him between the legs and punches him in the jaw! "Nice!" says Dan … "very ladylike!"
They don't realise they are being watched by Elyse who rings Stuart and tells him that Dan and Zoë have stolen the ring!
"And what are you wearing?" Stuart asks Elyse.
"I told you the trench coat!"
"And what else?"
"Je t'adore, mon amour!"
The next day Dan and Zoë arrive at Château Dresden and are welcomed by Stuart.
"Ah, the lovebirds … bien venue au Château Dresden!" he says kissing Zoë's Russian Wedding Ring!
"You like it … I practically had to set myself under glass to get it!" says Zoë!
To the Receptionist Stuart says: "Darling … Put them in 112 … we call that our Vanity Suite!"
"Oooh and why's that?" says Zoë.
"Stand up mirror! Do you like to watch Dan?"
"Actually, I like to …"
"Pooky … don't kiss and tell … he's just awful!" says Zoë!
"Anyway … not to worry … we have no secrets here at Château Dresden … especially after our therapy sessions!"
"Excuse me … I'm sorry … did you say therapy sessions?" asks Dan … horrified!
"Yes … we offer encounter sessions for all our betrothed! Your class begins at 3. But I must warn you, people say I give Dr. Phil a run for his money!"
"You run the sessions?" asks Zoë; whilst snuggling up to Dan … who looks totally bewildered with her actions but then cuddles up too!
"Well actually our in-house cleric, Reverend Gilbin, normally presides, but I am afraid he is going to be out for a few days … it seems he has contracted Poison Ivy … luckily the diocese sent a replacement … Reverend Flanagan …"
"Flanagan … yes …" says Dan.
"But he will just be officiating at the wedding …"
"Well I hate to harsh your buzz Stu … but I don't do therapy!" says Dan.
"Daniel … on the contrary … those who think they don't need help, usually are the ones who need it the most!" says Stuart!
"Oh … I completely agree!" says Zoë …"Try to get this guy to loosen up … talk about erectile dysfunction!"
"OK Sweetie … let's not kiss and tell!" says Dan! Stuart starts coughing in embarrassment!
"Anyway after therapy is over you will be meeting with our Wedding Planner, Elyse …"
Elyse comes down the stairs … "Oh finally, our last minute lovers!" Zoë is not amused how friendly Dan's hello is to her!
Stuart and Elyse explain they will co-ordinate every aspect of their wedding until they say "I do!" Stuart asks them to join him for a cocktail when they get settled in and offers to look after Zoë's ring in his safe … but she says she will use the safe in the room!
Elyse tells Stuart that she has checked out Dan and Zoë and that her sources in Chicago say they are insurance investigators who pull off scams by stealing the goods, get some bent cop or some grifter like Sally Bowles to pin it on some thief and then claim back the reward money. She tells him that the museum has already posted a $1 million reward to get the ring back and that Stuart will have to outbid the museum to get the ring. He says he doesn't want to do that; Elyse slaps him across the face: "Stop whining!" she says. "You know I love it when you do that!" he says!
In the hotel bedroom, Dan lies on the bed with a pillow under his head, opening a tin of nuts! Zoë is not amused!
"We have a little bit of a problem here! I am better at undercover work than you are!"
Dan laughs … "What are you talking about? Dresden took the bait. He started salivating as soon as you said Romanov … the whole plan is falling together!" He says eating nuts!
"Not so … you my friend … are overacting!"
"Ha … I'm overacting?" You know between your boobs and your bling bling, a guy is lucky if he can get a line in at all!"
"Your point is …?"
"My point is that I underplay!" Dan says eating more nuts!
"I … underplay!"
"OK Mr Underplay … we have another little problem ..."
"You know that big bed you are sprawled out on?"
"There are two of us!"
"There's one bed!"
Zoë walks over to the bed, grabs the pillow underneath Dan's head and smacks it over his lower regions!! Dan grimaces!
"Dan … we are not really getting married!!" She takes a nut from the tin Dan is holding! "How are those nuts?" and walks off!
Stuart is looking at Zoë's ring with his magnifying glass: "It is indeed the genuine article! It's a shame there is no real value to these stolen trinkets!"
"Stolen? Guess again my friend! My ring has been in Dan's family for years."
"Darling please it is not your ring! And you have definitely overplayed your hand! No museum will offer a dime for an item that hot!"
"Well let's say we were willing to part with the family heirloom," says Dan …"it would be worth twice as much with its mate!"
"Tsar Nicholas's ring?"
Dan goes on to tell Stuart about the matching rings the Tsar had made and that they might be able to get it from another 'family' heirloom if Stuart was interested. But Zoë says she is not willing to give up her engagement ring! Dan looks bewildered! "Come on Pooky, we will be late for therapy!" she tells him!
Elyse tells Stuart: "Don't screw this up!"
"Shut up!" he says and kisses her!
Outside Stuart is starting his therapy session trying to explain the thing called love! Love is kind. Love is a many splendoured thing! He says he truly believes that all you need is love! Zoë says she loves Paris in the springtime. Dan looks on incredulously! The pair next to them looks amazed! Stuart says that the primary challenge they will all be facing after their wedding is to find time for love. He tells Zoë and Dan to stand and demonstrate – they are stunned!
"Stand and demonstrate?"
"Yes … kissing … the tango of the lips! Come on now … come on … let's see it … ready and …!"
Dan laughs but grabs Zoë's face and kisses her … his knees seem to buckle!
"1 … 2 … 3 … 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22 … [Dan and Zoë are kissing all this time!] … You see that people … affection … real affection in less than 20 seconds … can you imagine what would have happened if they had taken a full minute … or even an hour?" Zoë pushes Dan off … Dan looks embarrassed … Zoë looks at Dan knowingly … like she knows he meant it!
"Here, here folks … let's hear it for our lovebirds!"
M arrives in Reception and tells Elyse that she has to be part of the wedding service otherwise it doesn't take place. "Honey, don't tell me I'm not in the contract … I'm in the contract!" M starts singing "America" … and the dogs start howling! Elyse tells her she's hired! "Thought so!" says M.
In the bedroom Zoë and Dan are unpacking whilst arguing:
"This could possibly be the worst day of my entire life and it's all your fault!"
"Oh really, well if you hadn't made me out to be your pet poodle, none of this would have happened!" says Dan unpacking his stuff in plastic bags!
"It's part of our cover, Dan!
"Pet poodles are part of our cover?"
"Wrong! You enjoy putting me down. Pooky? I'm a man Zoë!"
"I've never met a man who packs his socks in baggies!"
"See … you're doing it again!" Dan shuts his case!
"Oh come on …just because we have different tastes in china patterns … and your colour sense for flowers ranks up there with god knows who … doesn't mean I am putting you down!"
"Newsflash, dear, we're not really getting married!"
"Then why are we having this conversation … dear?"
"Cos you can't handle what is really going on between us!"
"There is nothing going on between us! OK we had a business kiss. Nothing more! Was there tongue … no I don't think so. Was there passion … definitely not! It was a business kiss … end of story!"
"Then why did your knees buckle?"
"My knees did not buckle!"
"Oh you listed 35 degrees!"
"I did not list! Ships list! I don't list! I got a cramp … OK … my calf balled up into like a little bit of a cramp … OK … I didn't list … drop it!"
"OK I'll drop it if you can tell me … look me straight in the eye and tell me … that there is exactly no … and I mean none … absolutely less than zero … chemistry between us!"
Zoë leans on her suitcase with her mouth open!
"Ah hah!!" says Dan! "See I knew you couldn't do it!"
"Why don't you just admit it … you have always been attracted to me! Then we can stop playing these silly little mind games!"
"Attracted to you? I've got news for you … and you are going to find this hard to believe because I know you think that every guy in about 1200 mile wants to jump your bones … I don't … we are business partners … nothing more, nothing less … you are cardboard to me! Alright?"
Zoë looks devastated! "It's a good thing we got that cleared up!"
Dan realises he has gone too far and looks angry with himself! Zoë slams the bathroom door!
Meanwhile, Lombardi is in Stuart's office with Elyse. He tells Stuart that he is being played like a cheap violin.
Elyse whispers to Stuart: "And why my furry friend should we trust you?"
"Elyse, please, will you let me handle this? … And why my furry friend should we trust you?"
Lombardi tells them he is sick and tired of covering for Zoë and Dan and having nothing to show for it so when he was suspended from the force, he conned them into thinking that Sally Bowles was his sister which they bought hook line and sinker. He tells Stuart and Elyse that if they give the money to Zoë and Dan for the ring, they will be up the creek without a paddle or life preserver! He tells them that he wants a piece of their action in getting the ring … 20% … which Stuart agrees to providing Lombardi robs one of his clients of a diamond pendant and replace it with a fake! Lombardi says he can do that!
Zoë is trying to get to sleep on the couch – but is having trouble! She tosses and turns and ends up falling on the floor!
"Oh don't be a martyr … just take the bed!" says Dan!
"Alright … fine!"
Zoë switches the light on.
"I need to sleep with a night light … OK?"
"If you want the bed … just take the bed!"
"It's not about the bed … capice? It's about I leave a hall light on for Hannah and I have gotten used to sleeping with a night light OK?
"Problem solved … turn that light off … I have a little flash light in my suitcase … would that be alright?"
"OK … I'll get it."
"Turn off the light … I'll get THAT!" Dan shouts as Zoë heads towards his suitcase!
"What … all your little baggies I am going to mess up?"
She rifles through his case and in the side pocket pulls out a box!
"Oh my God … I can't believe THIS!"
"Do you mind?" … Dan says very uncomfortably!
"CONDOMS … you brought condoms to our undercover sting at Château Dresden?"
"I keep them in here … in the side pocket … just in case!"
"Just in case what … there's a balloon fight?"
"You know what I mean!"
"Do I … 'cos I don't think that I do! In case the toilet might overflow … did you pack a plunger in here?" Zoë screams opening Dan's case!
"Oh cut it out Zoë!"
"The place might burn down … did you pack a fire extinguisher?"
Dan looks defeated and guilty!
"No … just in case … you packed a lifetime supply of vacuum sealed multi coloured, multi faceted ultra sensitive for the big guy CONDOMS … well guess what … not tonight el prophylactico … " and rushes to the door, opens it and throws the box into the hall! "Say goodbye to your jumbo pack!"
"Hey, no, no, NO … you can't do that!"
"I just did!"
Dan rushes into the corridor to retrieve his box; Zoë slams the door and he is locked outside. As he is banging on the door begging to be let him, Elyse walks past and looks him up and down, standing there in his vest and pants, clutching his box! Dan looks very embarrassed! "Lovers quarrel!" he says sheepishly! Zoë gets into bed!
Next morning Zoë and Dan are sitting on separate tables, back to back.
"Zoë … come on!"
"I don't want to talk about it!"
"I DON'T want to talk about it!"
"Look if it's about me calling you cardboard …!"
I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT!"
Stuart comes over and comments on the separate tables and asks them if they have quarrelled. Zoë says no, it is quite the contrary; it is because the tables are small and they want to read their papers. Dan tells Stuart that they are willing to sell him the ring but he says that because it is stolen he will only pay them $50,000 which they say is robbery … and he says … yes it is!
Back at the office with M, Zoë and Dan tell her that Dresden wants the ring, but he doesn't want to pay for it!
"Don't want the ring … we ain't got no sting!" says Dan!
M says that if it is Dresden's idea to steal the ring they go full speed ahead and con the con! She tells them they have to get to City Hall to get their marriage licence … which Dan has already done. Zoë says that as long as Marty Hall is there to officiate as Reverend Flanagan it will be alright.
Dan says "I don't want to become the next Mr Zoë Busiek!"
Marty is there and says he wants to wear a toupee at the wedding … which they say is fine! Dan asks him how he could give the other priest poison ivy … "Dan … I'm a professional … big con … the man was in my way!"
"Just remember one thing Marty … when that Wedding march plays … you are there … got me?" says Zoë.
"Got it … Sally was my friend too!"
"OK, let's go … get this show on the road!" shouts M.
Meanwhile Lombardi is breaking into the safe in the client's room stealing the pendant and replacing it with a fake. However, whilst he is doing it the two occupants return, making love to each other. Whilst Lombardi tries to hide, they get on the bed, and the girl rips her clothes off … Lombardi starts to crawl on his hands and knees to escape … rips his trousers … and the girl flinging off her bra … it hits him in the face! As he looks over at her … he licks his lips!! He gets out of the room quick!
Lombardi gives the pendant to Stuart asking for his 20% now but Stuart says he wont pay him that much and will only give him $4,000 because he is a dirty cop and if anything happened to Lombardi, no-one would miss him! Lombardi is angry! Stuart says he doesn't trust him and that the last person who cheated him went missing! Lombardi picks up the money and starts to leave!
Elyse follows him: "If you are staying the night … leave your door unlocked … and don't shave your back!"
Stuart says to Elyse: "It's show time!"
Cut to the church and the wedding!
Zoë asks Cliff what he is doing there: "You're getting married aren't you?"
Hannah tells Zoë that they found the details on her bureau and hooked up with Elyse!
Zoë starts walking down the aisle, looks at Dan and falls over! She gets up leaning on some woman's head!
Dan tells her about the rose petal stuck on her face!
Stuart is standing there in a priest's uniform! "Ladies and Gentleman … as the Reverend Flanagan has been taken ill …"
"Where the hell's Marty Flanagan …?" Zoë says under her breath to Dan.
"… Zoë and Dan's wedding ceremony will be conducted by me … I am an ordained minister … so rest assured … this union will be binding in the State of Illinois!"
Zoë looks shocked!
"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to join this couple together in Holy Matrimony … matrimony … matrimony!" Zoë hears the words echoing in her ears!!! She can't believe it!
"Zoë, shall I repeat the question?" Stuart asks.
"Blink if you can hear me!" Dan says to her.
Zoë is standing there with her mouth open!
"I say again … Zoë Busiek … do you take this man, Daniel Lennox, to be your husband, to live together in Holy Matrimony, to love, honour and comfort him, and keep him in sickness and in health, forsaking all others, for as long as you both shall live?"
Whilst this is being said Zoë is looking Dan over and when Stuart says the forsaking all others bit, she pouts her lips as if to say … oooh … all men??
Zoë is speechless … "Ah … Ah!"
Dan jumps in … "She gets a little tongue-tied when she's standing in front of a crowd!"
Zoë laughs but still can't speak!
Dan grabs Zoë's hands: "Great day isn't it? Incredible! Zoë I stand here before you as a man ready to give … up … because that's what marriage is … marriage is people … two people being together … every day … all day … day and night … night and day … [Cliff hands him the ring] … thanks … and those two people … are together … to death do us part … [Taylor looks at Zoë … signalling her it is OK]!" M is touched by what Dan has said … knowing it to be true … his feelings!
"OK ... OK … Yeah … I do … [she announces to the congregation!] … I do …" says Zoë at last! Dan smiles! M is relieved!
"Well then Mrs Lennox by the authority invested in me …"
"Oh it's Busiek Lennox … Busiek then a little hyphen [she acts out the sign of a hyphen!] … then Lennox!"
"Of course it is my dear!" says Stuart impatiently!
"You're keeping your name?" says Dan
"I'm keeping my name!" says Zoë!
Dan smiles … but then looks somewhat hurt.
"Well by the authority invested in me by the State of Illinois … I now pronounce you man and wife … you may kiss the bride!"
"Make it a good one, every one is watching!" says Dan.
"Me make it a good one? You make it a good one!"
Dan pulls Zoë to him and kisses her passionately! As the kiss ends, he looks at her as though he can't believe she kissed him properly … Zoë actually looks at him as though she loves him … for once! Everyone applauds and M starts singing … "Oh Happy Day! It's her Wedding Day … as she walks down the aisle and gives her heart away! Oh Happy Day!"
Dan and Zoë walk down the aisle with rose petals being thrown at them. They both look very happy!
Zoë grabs Taylor and tells her she is pleased Taylor is there at her wedding but that she has to take the children home. She says that Dan and her aren't really married … well they are … but they are under cover … and if she had have been getting married she would have had Taylor as her maid of honour … she tells Taylor she looks beautiful … but take the kids home now! Taylor looks bewildered!
Zoë and Dan are in Stuart's office signing their wedding certificate when Lombardi crashes in.
"Oh I hope I am not too late to congratulate the newlyweds!"
"Leo what are you doing here?" Dan asks.
Lombardi pulls a gun out.
"Leo what are you doing?" asks Zoë
"I'm here for my share before you guys split!"
"Back off Lennox, I'll drop you, back off!"
He grabs the ring on Zoë's finger.
"Now tell me, where did Sally Bowles hide the Tsar's ring?"
Zoë says she doesn't know and Lombardi slaps her across the face. Dan is horrified but can't do anything because Lombardi has the gun. Lombardi asks Zoë the question again, but Zoë doesn't know and as he goes to slap her again, Elyse has been opening a bottle of champagne and lets the cork go which hits Lombardi in the face allowing Dan to knock the gun out of his hand and pin him against the wall. The ring is on the floor and Elyse picks it up. Stuart tells Dan to walk away from Lombardi, who lunges forward resulting in Stuart shooting him.
"You killed him!" says a shocked Zoë!
Stuart tells Zoë and Dan that he has grown tired of the charade and wants to know where the Tsar's ring is. Zoë tells him that it is in a hidden pocket behind a badge that was on Sally Bowles's blazer – it was how she got the ring out of the museum.
Zoë and Dan are digging up the grave of Sally Bowles!
"Of all the scenarios I imagined … for my wedding night … digging up a dead body … not in the top 10 I can tell you that right now!" says Zoë to Dan!
Dan looks around to see if he can be heard by Stuart and Elyse and whispers to Zoë:
"I have a confession to make … I listed!"
"When we kissed in that therapy session I listed … I … my knees buckled!"
"That's incredibly sweet … my knees buckled too!" says Zoë and leans over to kiss Dan!
"Oh please!" says Stuart …"This is a body dig up not your honeymoon! Now put your backs into it!"
"You know what?" says Zoë "No, I can't … no more … no more digging!"
"Must I remind you that as a set the Tsar and Tsarina's rings are priceless? And I will do anything to have them in my possession!"
"Yeah?" says Zoë getting out of the hole and throwing her shovel down … "Well shoot him first!"
"What?" says Dan throwing earth at her …"That's nice … gee … that's real sensitive!"
"Both of you … shut up and dig!"
"I can't" says Zoë … bending double and coughing!
Dan digs a little and then says he has hit something. Stuart tells him to get out and starts digging himself but says that he thought they had buried Sally deeper in the grave. Elyse has the gun … but Dan grabs her and takes the gun.
Suddenly flash lights appear … it is M and Lombardi with the police!
Zoë tells Stuart that Sally never had the ring.
"It was a bluff to avenge her death!" says Dan.
"And you fell for it!" M tells him.
"Just like my gun … it had blanks!" says Lombardi showing him the blood and bullet marks in his shirt. "Stuart Dresden … you are under arrest for the murder of my sister Sally Bowles and I promise you Sir you will pay dearly for your crime!"
M takes out her camera … "Say gotcha!"
"Gotcha!" says Dan and Zoë!
Dan and Zoë are walking through the woods.
"So, was it good for you my friend?" Zoë asks Dan
"Oh yes … it was great for me … how about you?"
"Absolutely delicious! Grave digging … now there's a moment!"
"I'll say … like the moment I told you my knees actually buckled!" They laugh!
"The wedding was great!" says Dan.
"Oh yeah!" Zoë catches her dress on a tree and Dan helps her release it "Oh Man!" she says!
"I loved the wedding!" Dan says.
"Yeah, it was beautiful!"
"I mean, that's not something you do everyday! … That's most definitely a first!"
"Oh yeah, definitely!" says Zoë.
They both stand looking at the city in lights on the horizon. Dan as usual puts his hands in his trouser pockets!
"Wow, look at that … yeah the wedding was really …"
"Wow …" says Dan … as it finally sinks in what has happened!
"Oh my God … ah Dan … "
"We're married!" they say at the same time!
"Ha!" says Dan.
Zoë goes into a panic… "We're married … Oh my God … we're married … we're married … we're … married … [she paces up and down!] … Oh … my God … Oh … boy [Dan is looking at her somewhat bemused and smiling to himself!] … wow … we're … ww … what shall we do now … ww …?"
"I don't know!" says Dan.
"Come on Dan you always think of something … you always think of something!"
"I could kiss the bride?"
Zoë looks at him shocked but then her expression says that would be a good thing to do … so he leans over and kisses her passionately … again!
Dan smiles at Zoë who is beaming smiles at him back! They put their heads together and hug and continue to hold in other in the cold night air!
However, an uncomfortably look comes over Dan's face and then Zoë asks him:
"Does this feel weird to you?"
"Yeah!" he says!
"Yeah me too!" she says.
"So …what are you going to tell the kids?" Dan asks Zoe.
"OK …let's take it from the top … it all began one day when strangely enough I found myself getting … married!"
As the scene fades out they are still holding each other and Dan is stroking Zoë's fur jacket!