Wilfred Season 1 Episode 7

Ryan: I pretty much burned through my savings. I might have to get a job.
Wilfred: Hey! Jobs are for immigrants.

Ryan: If I don't get a job, I'm gonna have to ask Kristen for money. There's no way in hell I'm doing that.
Wilfred: That's just stubborn pride. She's your sister, mate. She loves you. Bleed the bitch dry.

Wilfred: Now that I've met Raffi, how can I go back to Bear? I mean, sure, Bear put me through obedience school, but does that mean I have to be unhappy for the rest of my life?

Beth: If you couldn't see the decline of aluminum futures coming, you're a goddamn mental midget.

Wilfred: This is the best sex I've ever had. For a gal who's never been out of the box, Raffi really thinks outside of the box.

Wilfred: Not cool, dude!
Ryan: You said I could say anything. I assumed this was an open relationship.
Wilfred: It is. But Bear doesn't know that.

Wilfred: As you wish, Ryan. We just stay in and play Monopoly again, or Battleship.
Ryan: You cheated that, too.
Wilfred: Battleships change location in the middle of a war, Ryan. It's what they are designed to do!