Grace: You know how I told you that story about Alice and her nickname, 'Miss Lazy-Face'?
Will: You gave her that nickname, didn't you?
Grace: How did you know that?
Will: I didn't. I'm just trying to move things along.
Grace: I remember at school everyone used to say that Alice's best feature was her older brother Gabe. Oh, gosh, he looks so sad.
Will: Sad... (excitedly) Oh, my God! He's wearing Prada shoes. He's gay. This is great! And sad. Very, very sad.
Grace: Will, straight men wear Prada.
Will: Not in Schenectady.
Jack: Besides there might be press there and I don't to be type cast as gay. My sexuality is my business.
Karen: Honey, the award is for gay cabaret.
Jack: Yeah, but still you want to keep them guessing, you know.
(recording his anticipated acceptance speech)
Jack: 'Hi, I'm Jack McFarland. I'd love to be at the MAC awards this evening but I can't. You see, I'm on the set on my new movie'...Karen maybe this was a bad idea, I mean this doesn't even look like a movie set.
Karen: Honey come on, just say what I told you!
Jack: Fine. 'I'm on the set on my new movie, Poorly Decorated Crackhouse'.
(Grace tries to get Will to go to Alice's funeral so she can apologize)
Will: Oh, Grace, get real. There's no way that Alice was still carrying that around. Kids get teased and they get over it.
Grace: You're probably right. I mean, you got over the kids calling you 'Hairy Ass Truman'.
Will: (pause) Wake me at six.
Jack: I would be honoured if you came along as my escort for the evening!
Karen: Oh, Honey, that is so sweet… No
Jack: Why not?
Karen: No reason.
Karen: First, I thought, I'll get him a hot guy (Jack smiles widely)... but then I thought, no. My Jack isn't that shallow. (Jack frowns) Then I thought, well diamonds ARE a girl's best friend, I'll get him jewelery, (Jack smiles) but then I thought no, (Jack frowns) then I thought, I'll get him some money, (Jacks smiles) but then I thought, no, (Jack frowns) my Jackie can't be bought. He works in the business that is show because he loves it... HA, I GOT YOU. Here you go honey, the dude, the jewels and the dough!
Karen: Somebody called from the MAC awards. Ted... Homosexual.
Karen: Honey, you're simple, you're shallow, and you're a common whore. That's why we're soul mates.
This episode was filmed on January 23, 2001 at CBS Studio Center.
The original title of this episode was "Ashes to Ashes."
Notice no mention of Nathan or Scott in this episode. Why? This episode was filmed prior to the final few episode, and was shown out of order.
Will: Mop Top. Uh, Scarlet Pimple.
The last insult was a funny reference to the book (and later film) The Scarlet Pimpernel.
Grace: So, here's to you, Mrs. Robinson. Jesus loves you more than you will know.
A funny reference to the Simon and Garfunkel song 'Mrs. Robinson' from the movie The Graduate.
Episode Title: Alice Doesn't Lisp Here Anymore
This is a reference to the 1974 film Alice Doesn't Live Here Anymore.
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