No results found.
Dr. Leo Markus
This is the first season premier not written by series creators David Kohan and Mak Mutchnick.
Will: I brought you some presents. Here are some twizzlers...
Grace: And a dictionary?
Will: Yeah. I don't want our kid to use the word "ironical".
Will: Hi, it's Will, is Grace there by any chance? Well if she shows up would you call me? Thank you.
Nurse Sheila: Is that her office?
Will: No, Benny's Taco on East 74th.
Will: I-I-I-I-- I kissed a guy, okay? At that club the other night, the Gay Gay Gay Gay Gay club. I did go, and I met this guy... a hot hot hot hot hot guy. And I know we said we were taking ourselves off the market, but then this, this Pink song came on, and... his shirt came off. And I thought, "I've got two choices here. I can go home, and I can take care of my future baby mama... or I can get this party started." And, Grace...I got that party started.
Grace: Don't be so hard on yourself. It's a really good song.
Will: What's wrong with me? You broke our pact.
Grace: What pack?
Will: Not pack, pact.
Grace: That's what I said, "pack."
Will: No, P-A-C-- Let's take a different tack.
Grace: You mean tact.
Will: No, tack! Tack, pact! One ends with a "K." One ends with a "T." I know, it's ironical! Look it up in the freakin' dictionary!
Grace: How do you have a horse in Manhatten?
Leo: I rented him in the park. You know, Some weeks we ride, some weeks we just...get a pretzel.
Karen: (Singing): I'm coming out, bop pow! I want the world to know, I got to let it show, I'm coming out (Normal voice) Oh, I AM coming out! (Laughs) OK, patience girls, save it for Lionel!
Karen: Take it easy, sleazy. I only came here to give you your key back. I am a married woman! Sure, my husband is an enormous bulldozer of a man who has to be hit with a stun-gun before he can be weighed or medicated, but when I said "I do" to Stan Walker and his attorneys, I meant that to be forever.
Lionel: I admire your integrity. Would you care to step inside, take your clothes off and discuss it further?
Karen: (Gasps) I would indeed!
Grace: I know, I know, I know. I'm crazy late. I had an accident.
Will: What happened?! And it better not be something stupid, like when you missed my 35th birthday because you ran into a mailbox.
Grace: I ran into a lamppost.
Grace: did! I did. Look! A doctor on a horse came up and took me to the drugstore to get an icepack. I'm not making this up. (pouting) I hurt my head. (Grace points to the cut on her forehead.)
Will: Your head? Like you keep anything in there.
Doctor: Good afternoon. Do we have the sperm?
Jack: Okay. You're gonna have to give me a little more notice than that.
(Jack exits the room.)
Doctor: Why don't you put on this gown, and we'll get started.
(The doctor gives Grace a hospital gown and exits. Grace fumbles with the gown trying to unfold it.)
Will: Hey, it's not a map of space. It's a gown. Come on, open it!
Grace: Stop stressing me! Or our kid'll end up spending eight hours a day chasing his tail.
Will: Well, as long as he or she can tell the difference between a lamppost and empty space. (Jack enters, holding up a white paper bag.)
Jack: Where's the doctor?
Will: Why are you up? The doctors said the best chance of getting pregnant was being flat on your back with your legs in the air. So come on, pretend somebody just paid for dinner.
Grace: That's offensive.
Will: Pretend it was lobster.
(Grace flops onto the couch and throws her legs into the air.)
Karen: After years of being with Stan, I felt like "finally a man who knows how to make a woman feel like a girl, and how to make that girl feel like a slut, and how to make that slut feel like a woman."
Grace: (sighs) I feel like I was just hit by a bus. Did you see the guy who attacked me?
Leo: Yeah. He was about 12'5", 500 pounds. Big bulb on the top of his head.
Leo: Maybe I can take you out sometime, you know. By you dinner, or...
Grace: You're asking me out? (laughs) Oh.
Leo: You're laughin' in my face. That's--Yeah. No, it's good. Guys like that.
Grace: No, no. I'm not laughing at you. It's, um, see, I'm about to--Uh, ooh, this is just ironical.
Leo: So dinner?
Grace: No. Uh, look, Mr. Markus--
Leo: Dr. Markus.
Grace: Uh, Dr. Mark--Doctor?
Leo: Yeah, I know. It's pretty boring. I'm just your nice, average, Jewish doctor.
Grace: Look, I really, really have to--Jewish? I-I gotta go... before I find out you come from money.
User Score: 3323
User Score: 1009
User Score: 842
User Score: 527
User Score: 263
User Score: 228
User Score: 199
User Score: 195
User Score: 108
User Score: 108
User Score: 106
User Score: 97
User Score: 87
User Score: 82
User Score: 75
User Score: 72
User Score: 67
User Score: 57
User Score: 52
User Score: 51