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Rosario Salazar (Season 3 - 7 Recurring)
Dr. Leo Markus
Sean Hayes submitted this episode and "The Needle and The Omlette's Done" as his tapes for Emmy consideration this season. He lost to Brad Garrett.
Music: The song that Will & Kevin dance to is "Footloose" by Kenny Loggins, the title track from the film of the same title.
Kevin Bacon once starred in Queens Logic with Megan Mullally (Karen).
Will (to Kevin Bacon): Your fans are never gonna leave you, you're a great actor. Your body's looking good, your hair's working, you've got the waist of a 14-year-old girl, I mean look at that, it's crazy!
Jack: It turns out he only needed an assistant to find the stalker. If I stop stalking, he doesn't need an assistant. I had to re-stalk to keep my job and realize my dream of dancing with him in a cornfield. Come on, catch up, slow mo!
Will: This is ridiculous! I swear if I had anything better to do with my life I'd be outta here like a shot!
Jack: I left him a cardboard cutout of himself signed "Nice stalkin' to ya." Let's tune in and see how he reacts.
(Jack pulls out a pair of binoculars and starts spying.)
Jack: Okay, okay. All right, he's seeing it, but he's not-- he's not moving! Oh, my God, it's like something flattened him!
Will: Perhaps you're looking at the cardboard cutout, dinkus.
Grace: Karen... ya gotta put an end to it with Lionel. I mean, a husband and a lover? I mean, when are you gonna find time to ignore your kids?
Karen: I know! Honey, I've tried, but every time I go to break up with him he flashes those pearly caps and I end up bent over the minibar.
Grace: End up? Isn't that where you started?
Karen: So that's why I sent my number one goon there to break up with him for me.
Karen: Yeah. I kept her tied up outside without food for two days, so she should be extra ornery. Listen, honey, I'm gonna go grab some lunch with some of the other gals from the typing pool. Oh! It's Zoey's birthday. Fran made cupcakes.
Grace: Sheesh... Cupcakes! Friggin' nutbag.
(Leo enters, Grace doesn't notice.)
Grace: (sing-song) Ca-ray-zy!
Leo: Am I interrupting something?
Grace: Oh...oh, no, um, I was just, uh-- I--I--I have an assistant, and she's...
Leo: And...do you see her now?
Kevin Bacon: This is serious. This is gonna freak you out... but... I have a stalker.
Jack: (Gasps) No! Are you sure?
Kevin Bacon: Damn it! Kyra didn't believe me either! Why is it so hard for everyone to believe that I would have a stalker? Just--just find him for me, all right?
Jack: Oh, I'll find me--him! And when I find him, I am gonna stop me--him.
Will (To Kevin Bacon): Look it's not me. Jack's your stalker. I mean, after he saw you in Apollo 13 he went to every video store in Manhattan trying to find Apollo's 1 through 12.
Karen: (To Grace and Rosario) I'm just gonna have to march up there and tell Lionel "You're sleazy and shameless. I hate that. And we're through!" (To Lionel) You're sleazy and shameless, I like that, but we're through!
Karen: I don't hear a baby crying, she must still be in labour!
Will: She's not giving birth, you nit-wits, she's taking a pregnancy test!
Kevin: (about his stalker) This guy is slippery. If I had a dollar for every time my jock strap had been stolen from the gym–
Jack: You'd have $186!
Lionel: You're my one true love!
Karen: But you're not mine! I love Stan! Stan loves ham... ham I am! Good-bye!
Will: I can't wait to tell our kid that his dad danced with Kevin Bacon.
Grace: Well, that should save you the trouble of telling him you're gay.
Kevin: You... you're my stalker.
Jack: I prefer the term "professional crazed fan."
Kevin: Look, when the stalkers leave, it's the first sign that your career is slipping. It's a little tidbit I picked up from Val Kilmer.
Will: You--you did a movie with Val Kilmer?
Kevin: No, but Val was in Top Gun with Tom Cruise, and Tom was in A Few Good Men with me. Huh, that was a short one.
Jack: Number of films with full frontal nudity... four! Number of films with full sidal nudity... three! Number of films with rear frontal nudity... priceless!
Karen: Thank God my boobs are like arms. I was able to distract Stan with one of them, while the other one motioned for Lionel to get out the door!
Jack: ...number of films with full frontal nudity - 4. Number of films with full sidal nudity - 3. Number of films with rear frontal nudity... Priceless.
As well as a comprehensive knowledge of Kevin Bacon's body of work, as it were, this is also an allusion to the Mastercard adverts, which enumerate several things, then always end in "Priceless".
Jack: Maybe a gift from studio wooing him to do Hollow Man 2.
Hollow Man is a 2000 horror movie starring Kevin Bacon and Elisabeth Shue.
Will: You did a movie with Val Kilmer?
Kevin: No, but Val was in Top Gun with Tom Cruise, and Tom was in A Few Good Men with me. Huh, that was a short one. This conversation is an example of the "Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon Game" where you have to link an actor or actress to Kevin Bacon in six steps or less. The game got its name from the 1993 movie Six Degrees of Separation.
Karen: I love Stan! Stan loves ham... ham I am! Good-bye!
This is an allusion to the popular children's books by Dr. Seuss, more specifically, the book "Green Eggs and Ham". "Sam I am" is a phrase used in the book, which Karen twists to "Ham I am".
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