Will & Grace

Season 4 Episode 3

Crouching Father, Hidden Husband

Aired Thursday 9:00 PM Oct 11, 2001 on NBC



  • Trivia

  • Quotes

    • Elliot: I have to go finish my homework.
      Jack: After that, you wanna do something? We could go... (Looks at Will, who mimes throwing a ball) ...wave at sailors.

    • Grace: This is so unfair. I feel like I'm being banished.
      Jack: That's because you are being banished. Now, you will sit here on the freak bench with the other weirdos. (to girls sitting) No offense, girls, today's weirdos are tomorrow's daytime talk show hosts and sensitive singer-songwriters.

    • Connie: Here are the Polina files.
      (Connie gives Will a folder)
      Will: Thanks, Connie. Do you want anything else?
      Connie: I had a dream about you last night. We were on the beach, and you weren't wearing a shirt. Oh, my god, I can't believe I told you that. I'm so embarrassed.
      Will: Connie, you don't have to be embarrassed.
      Connie: I was breast-feeding you.
      Will: That's embarrassing.

    • Agent Pembleton: Mrs. Walker, I don't think you understand. We're from the FBI.
      Karen: Oh, I've been telling Grace she's gonna get arrested one of these days for assault with a deadly wardrobe.

    • Will: Just make sure you do something fun with him that night. Like, when I stayed home from a dance, my mother and I would bake gingersnaps and watch Little House On The Prairie.
      (Grace and Jack stare in disbelief)
      Will: God, I was so gay.

    • Jack: The most amazing thing is happening in my apartment right now.
      Will: Someone actually stayed till morning?

    • Karen: Will? It's me. There are two men from the FBI here. Well one man and a man-ish woman!

    • Will: (Answering the phone) Hello?
      Karen: Hi, Grace. Could I talk to Will?

    • Will: Ok, you've had your little laugh. But this is the last time you're ever gonna trick me into doing something for you!
      Karen: Ok, could you get the lights?
      Will: Sure… DAMN IT!

    • Jack: You've got someone? Special? Stylish? Beautiful?
      Karen: No, but how about Grace? ... She's got big feet!

    • Will: What happened? Did your cable go out? Did you lose the stick you use to poke bears with at the zoo?
      Karen: No, honey. It's right here!

    • Will: These are my friends Gin, Vodka and Scotch. (in a Scottish accent) "Hello Karen!".
      Karen: Hiya Kids!
      Will: Now, you've got an emergency. You want a Bloody Mary. You've poured yourself a thimble of tomato juice. Who you gonna call? Me? Tequila?
      Karen: Well this is crazy talk. I want my Vodka!
      Will: Exactly. So from now on, you only call Tequila if you have a legal problem!
      Karen: Ok. I get it now. You're coming in loud and queer.

    • Will: Karen, my office called and said you had some kind of emergency! What's up?
      Karen Oh, honey, could you get that paper out the fax? It got a little jammy jam!
      Will: Sure. So what's the emergency?
      Karen: Er, paper in the fax… got a little jammy jam!
      Will: You called me out of a business lunch to fix your fax?
      Karen: Yeah honey!

    • Jack: What are you doing? Her date isn't with her, she's alone, she's vulnerable, ask her to dance!
      Eliot: But--
      Jack: No 'buts'!
      Grace: (Raises her hand) Excuse me, I have a very big 'but'...
      Jack: Then you should've worn a long coat!

    • Karen: And for God's sakes, pull your pants back up, you're my lawyer, not my dentist!

    • Connie: (about Jack's dancing) How'd he learn to do that?
      Elliott: I don't know. Maybe cause he's gay.
      Connie: He is? One of my moms is gay.
      Elliott: Really?
      Connie: Yeah, but she's not a good dancer. She built our house, though.

    • Will: Karen, I can't take this, knowing that somewhere a traffic cop is gonna go unbribed. Look ... I'm a lawyer, which means that unlike you, I have passed a bar.

    • Jack: What was his name?
      Grace: Alan Finkelman. He took me to my first boy-girl dance. He was so gorgeous, like a Jewish Scott Baio. We had two great dances, and I knew that a slow one was coming, so I ran into the bathroom to reapply my Bonnie Belle Dr. Pepper lip smacker. And when I came back out, he was dancing with that snooty Sandy Simons. I was heartbroken.

    • Grace: No. no, no. Don't listen to him. Elliot has to go to that dance. This is a very tender time for him, and if he doesn't bounce back, this sort of disappointment can leave a deep emotional scar.

    • Grace: (to two 12-year-old girls sitting on the bleachers at the school dance) Am I the flattest one here?

  • Notes

  • Allusions

    • Jack: Show me hateful!

      This was Richard Dawson's classic delivery when displaying the answers on The Family Feud.

    • Title: Crouching Father, Hidden Husband

      Refers to the movie Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, which is an Academy Award Winning Movie starring Zhang Ziyi and Chow Yun-Fat.