Grace: I'm going to put my present on the table. If you'd like, I'll put your envelope on the table with the savings bonds and the homemade cards. In other words, the SUCK PILE!
Grace: I'm here because I love Hannah!
Will: Oh, really? And how old is she today?
Grace: A lady never reveals her age.
Woman: Is Hannah allowed to cut her own hair?
Larry: (to Joe) You gave her a soda!
Joe: It's her birthday!
Will: Like a Barbie in a string bikini is such a great gift. Why don't you just wrap a ribbon around bulemia?
Grace: A doll cannot cause an eating disorder. Nothing is that black and white.
Will: A panda is!
Will: You two planned this?
Grace: Just to get us in the same room?
Karen (Laughs while saying): Oh No!
Jack: Not just get you in the same room, no. But getting you in the same room... at the same time!
Jack: I don't know how much longer I can live with Will, I mean, every time I get in the shower with him, he's like, "Jack, get the hell out!"
Karen: I know honey. Grace is driving me nuts too. She can't concentrate on work anymore. She just sits around all day, doodling pictures of peoples houses on these enormous sketch pads! And then, she's on the phone all the time ordering furniture. Where's she going to put all that? Huh? In these "houses" she's drawing?
Karen: Now, what do they both like?
Jack: Well, Will likes to be taller than everyone, and Grace likes to eat cake.
Karen: Where can we take them, where there'll be small people, eating cake? (Drinks) Oh. Shoot. I just spilled on this invitation to a child's birthday party!
Will: Some people are not reliable. You should know this. Some people think they're reliable, but when push comes to shove, when the pressure's on, they prove themselves to be... what?
Grace: Please look. Is that throw-up?
Will: Look for yourself! I'm not your vomit-looker.
Karen: Come on, honey. While we're here, let's go pick on a gay kid.
Jack: Hey, I was that gay k--
Karen: Shake your skirt, fairy!
Jack: Pretend to think, pretend to think.
Karen: Pretend to care, pretend to care.
Karen: Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
Jack: I don't know. Are you thinking what it would be like to have Spiderman spray his web on you?
Karen: Okay, that's just freaky. Okay, that's crazy.
Karen: This plan bites!
Jack: Well, it's better than yours – telling those kids those balloons are made of candy.
Karen: (chuchles) Kids are dumb.
Jack: I know. I ate a balloon, it tastes nothing like candy.
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