Jack: Excuse me, pardon me, you're looking good, I'm looking better.
Grace: Have you been eating my makeup? Will, this lie is so big it involves paperwork and a notary.
Grace: Will! I have $100 in my bank account, and 75 of that is earmarked for a Belgian wax tomorrow.
Will: What's a Belgian wax?
Grace: Just a plain old wax, but it hurts so much I treat myself to a waffle afterwards.
Jack: Dr. Dangerous just put in a higher bid. He thinks he's gonna get Britney's platform sneaks. Yeah, over my drop-dead gorgeous body!
Grace: Your apartment is fantastic, and I say that as a decorator who was recently profiled in the Jewish Daily Forward.
Sandra: I love that paper. (Grace giggles.) It's genius. Do you know that I was last year's cover Jewess?
Sandra: Me in a bikini on Fyvush Finkel's lap. Hot.
Karen: Hey poodle, love your scooter.
Jack: Thanks. Love your hooters.
Jack: (To Karen) The auction's about to end, and you get to see me squash Dr. Dangerous like a wormy apple. (Jack pulls out his online beeper) Take that! (Jack's beeper beeps.) What? Damn it. (Jack presses a button on his beeper, when another beeper beeps)
Girl: What? Damn it!
(Jack slowly stands up. A young girl across the aisle stands up. They look each other up and down.)
Jack: Dr. Dangerous?
Jack: We're taking this outside.
(Jack returns...his shirt is ripped and he has a black eye.)
Jack: (Yelling off-screen) Yeah?! I don't want those stupid sneakers anyway!
(Will and Grace exit Sandra's apartment into the hall.)
Will: That was totally humiliating.
Grace: Chasing celebrities around? Who are we?
Will: We're shallow. That's who we are.
Grace: Never again.
Realtor: (Peeking out the door across from Sandra's) Hi. I'm from Duffy Realty. Are you here to see Uma and Ethan's place?
Will and Grace: (Together) Yes. Yes, we are.
Cheryl: Don't you think it's a little inappropriate to be holding a cup full of liquor at your child's swim meet?
Karen: Well, honey, when you're right, you're right. (Drinks the whole cup) It's not full anymore, is it, honey? Ha ha ha!
Cheryl: I just want you to know I think you're awful. Your son Mason swam his heart out today, and all he wanted to do was share that joy with his family, but when he looked up in the bleachers for a familiar face, nothing. Not even a housekeeper. I find that appalling.
Karen: Oh, yeah? Well, I find stretch pants appalling, but I'm too much of a lady to mention it, fat ass.
Sandra: (to Grace) Sweetie, if I wanted your sound in the show, I'd strangle a couple of cats.
(Jack rides in on a scooter.)
Jack: Guess what I just got off of eBay?
Grace: I don't know what you got, but I know a scooter that just won a homosexual.
Karen: Good lord. I can't believe I'm at a public pool. Why doesn't somebody just pee directly on me?
This episode was filmed on November 21, 2000 at CBS Studio Center.
Sandra Bernhard actually requested to be on the show as a guest, but didn't expect to be playing herself. She actually intended to play a lesbian, but was more than happy after reading the script.
Rosario: It's time to take a break Rummy Dearest.
This is an allusion to the Joan Crawford biography (and later film) Mommie Dearest, which painted an unflattering picture of Crawford as a mother. Rosario's comment not only alludes to Karen's non-maternal instincts, but also to her incessant drinking.
Jack: (after coming to a halt on his scooter) Toot Toot, Hey beeps the horn on his scooter twice
This is an allusion to the line "Toot, Toot, Hey, Beep, Beep" from the Donna Summers song, Bad Girls. Donna Summers was an open supporter of her gay fans, who were numerous, and warranted her the title "Queen of the Disco".
Sandra: Like a circle in a spiral, like a wheel within a wheel, never ending or beginning--
The song Sandra is singing is the famous tune "Windmills Of Your Mind," performed by Noel Harrison and written by Michel Legrand. Sandra later sings "Midnight Train To Georgia" by Gladys Knight and The Pips.
Will: Let me guess. It bangs, it bangs.
The scooter is autographed by Ricky Martin, and Will makes a reference to one of his songs.
Episode Title: Swimming Pools... Movie Stars
The episode title comes from a line in the theme song to The Beverly Hillbillies. The song is called "The Ballad of Jed Clampett."
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