When Katie said you blew-up the earth Chauncey's hat turns Dark Green.
Kaitlin: Mr. Chauncey, we have to ask God to put the Earth back together.
Chauncey: Ask God? Well Thats a great idea, only one problem, the chump ain't real!
Kaitlin: Well we can't ask God for help unless you believe in God.
Chauncey: Well I can't just magically believe in something that I don't believe in.
Kaitlin: Of course you can, Chauncey.
Chauncey: You mean, if I pretend hard enough I'll believe?
Kaitlin: All you gotta do is pretend to believe, prove to yourself its ok to deceive. Just tell your man to lie to your soul and let the fright of god take control. 'Cause, All you gotta do is pretend to believe and you'll make God up in heaven.
A.P. Gibralter: In a related story, advances in genetic technologies have allowed parents to customize their babies in the womb. With such awesome accessories as a cup holder, built in CD player, 4-wheel drive, and acne that spells out the name of your favorite band.
"Lordy, that Lordmeat is ass-kicking hot."
Premiered on MTV Sunday, March 20 at 11:00 PM (EST)
Transcript of the news ticker shown during the Breaking News segment:
...named Lou produces plump of chili -W5N- Explosion of planet earth a "setback for national economy" according to vested officials -W5N- Catholic church appoved condom flavored breath mints -W5N- Multinational conglomerate CoCOR teams with CIA to introduce grape soda flavored crack to black community -W5N- White Wine Strangler captured, found chanting "You'll love it you'll love it." Three died -W5N- No hobo news today -W5N- Secret files released exposing CoCOR's involvement in
5 jokes in 5 seconds:
Q: What do you call a leopard named Billy who just fell down a 600 foot ravine into a squirming pit of dead ducks covered in leprosy once owned by a Pizzeria?
A: In this case--you would refer to the unfortunate soul as "Bad Luck Billy"!!!
Q: What would someone like you end up with if, say, for the sake of argument (or more accurately-for the sake of this particular joke), that you were a scientist working in the field of experimental bio-engineering, and you made an erstwhile effort to genetically cross JFK with KFC?
A: All of our best data indicates unequivocally that you would get John Fitzgerald Chicken.
A mountaineer who just returned from scaling Mount Kilamanjaro walks into a bar and asks for a free drink. The bartender, sensing an ominous chill in the air says, "well sir, I can't give you a free drink, but I can give you five jokes in five seconds."
"Shoot" replied the crest fallen mountain man. It was at this time in the joke that the admittedly jumpy barkeep pulled out his pistol and beat the mountaineer to death in five easy blows.
It seems there was this elephant who decided to get a part time job at a bakery* to save up to buy a toilet. When he showed up to the interview the manager asked the elephant what qualifications he had to work a part time job. As the elephant passionately laid out his extensive retail and patisserie experience, the manager interrupted him curtly exclaiming, "Wait-if you buy a toilet, and flush your business-- what will the poor dung beetles eat?"
Just then the elephant straightened his tie and tossed this beauty of a zinger orally into the ether: "They shall eat your finest croissants," the elephant intoned, "And doubtless that they shan't taste the diff."
*you should know that this particular bakery is known for the unusual poor quality of its croissants
The Pope, a bear, a rabbi, a pirate, a diplomat, a midget, a woman in a coma, a pelican, and your mom were all relaxing on an Eames chair after a furious fortnight of group hate sex when there was a sound at the door. "Knock-knock" went the sound emanating from the door.
Simultaneously, and without missing a beat, an answer broke like a desperate yowl from the throats of the oigers: "Who's there?"
Like a shot from the butt gun of a pre-radicalized 1920's anarchist, came a response from beyond the door: "Banana."
Faster than a duck could rape a lizard in the mouth, our motley crew of freakazoids, safely ensconced in the luxury of their designer seatlery, shook their heads and bleated as a unit, "Orange you glad we've already heard this joke and so shan't be participating (unless of course you are offering substantial financial renumeration)" There was no reply from the other side of the door, save this: One absolute rascal of a fart.