This week on Confidential, Mr. & Mrs. Lesnar give their thoughts on SummerSlam, John Cena likes being naked and Booker T on the gridiron. This is not an official Before They Were Superstars segment, for those of you who keep track of things like that. John Cena was one of five sons. He and his brothers used to be little brats. They would spray paint the walls, burn curse words into the front lawn, etc. I'm surprised they weren't shipped off to military school. In junior high, Cena was into hip-hop, so he dressed like MC Hammer. He didn't care what other people thought. Mrs. Cena allowed them to get away with a lot of stuff. John attributes that to strength in numbers. Cena seems like a demanding prick. He would organize games with all the neighborhood kids, although John steered clear of manual labor. His dad remembers one time when all 4 of his brothers were picking up sticks in the yard. He called John over and told him to help out. John was 8 and playing baseball at the time. He told his dad, "Do you see these [his hands]? I can't risk losing this. This is money." John first watched wrestling with his dad and grandfather. He was a Hulkamaniac ever since Hogan beat the Sheik for the WWF title. At this point, John started his own wrestling fed complete with PAPER BELTS! John used to be Champion of the Universe. This is funny because all of his brothers are laughing about this, but John is taking it very seriously. John went off to boarding school at 15. He considers this his greatest decision in life. This is where John learned to act like a jackass. I'm sure his parents are glad that their money went to good use. John used to run around naked with a jockstrap on his face in the dorm. Back in his house, John terrorizes his family in a thong and an afro. John tends to get naked during awkward situations in the hopes of lightening the mood. With a package like that I'm surprised he likes to get naked so often. Cena went to Springfield College for football. He never missed a practice, which was sort of his gimmick. I used to like Cena, besides his ridiculous facial expressions, but now I see him as a pompous jerk. Maybe that will change in the next segment that is devoted to him. On a whole, this was a very run of the mill (Unofficial) Before They Were Superstars segment. Segment 1: 0/1 WWE Rewind>> Vengeance (December 9, 2001)- Chris Jericho wins the WWF Undisputed Title. Great, a segment devoted to Fozzy. As if their Raw appearance wasn't enough. Fozzy started about 3 years ago when Chris Jericho met guitarist Rich Ward at a WCW event. Ward was there because his band Stuck Mojo had just done a video with DDP. Jericho became Mongoose McQueen for Fozzy. Mongoose suffered from LSD (Lead Singer's Disease), or when a rock star is really into themselves. Originally, the band did pretty well because people wanted to see Chris Jericho sing and fail miserably. Supposedly that never happened. Fozzy was very excited about their performance at Raw, which I thought bombed, but they said that it couldn't have been better. A bunch of the boys in the back meet and greet Fozzy. JR to Jericho, "Is this gonna be loud?" The Rock has a quick chat and we go to footage of the concert. Jericho wants to take Fozzy, which started as an 80's cover band, as far as he could. Better than the last segment at least. Segment 2: .5/2 Brock Lesnar's parents used to go with him for all his amateur matches, so he got them tickets at Nassau Coliseum for SummerSlam. The catch is that he told them he was going to do the job, that way they would be surprised when he went over. Brock mentions that the fans turned on the Rock during the match, but doesn't really elaborate any more than that about it. Brock compares beating the Rock to Hogan beating Andre at WrestleMania III. This was nice in a feel good kind of way. Segment 3: 1/3 More Cena. After college John moved to California to pursue bodybuilding. He had quite a bit of success to the point of having a body like Scott Steiner's. Cena won a bunch of bodybuilding competitions. We take a trip to the gym where he used to work out. One day Cena struck up a conversation with a UPW wrestler. This is how he got his break. The UPW is where he debuted the Prototype gimmick. 50% Man (that explains his package), 50% Robot, 100% Mayhem. He would come down to the ring with a blond mohawk doing the robot. Cena auditioned for the failed UPN/WWF series Manhunt. He was told to cut a promo in front of the camera. He was chewing gum and thought of the Roddy Piper promo, "I do two things. Kick *** and chew gum. [Spits out gum] I'm all out of gum. [Walk off]." Shortly after this the WWF signed Cena. WHAT THE ****?? They showed Jim Cornette in the teaser for this segment and I didn't see him anywhere. **** YOU WWE!! Segment 4: 1.5/4 Philadelphia Eagle Levon Kirkland talks to his hand ala Booker T after he does something good. Big deal. Segment 5: 1.5/5 Bubba Ray Dudley and Trish Stratus make some Stacker 2 commercials.moreless
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