The Miz comes to the ring to complain about Alex Riley. He runs his mouth for a while then demands that Stone Cold Steve Austin come down and face him. Austin comes down and yells at the Miz. Austin puts over Alex Riley, the threatens to beat Miz. Instead, Austin decides to set up counseling between Miz & Alex Riley with Rowdy Roddy Piper. Austin tells Miz to leave, and he eventually does, and Austin reminds everyone that he's in charge. Then Alberto Del Rio comes out, but you already knew that, and says it's time form Austin to pass the torch to him. Del Rio talks about his destiny, but Austin cuts him off and tells him his only destiny is to get his ass kicked….by Kane!
Match #1: Alberto Del Rio vs Kane. Kane wins via DQ when Del Rio refused to break the hold. The Big Show then runs (yes runs!) down to get Del Rio, but he escapes while the show beats on Ricardo Rodriguez. Then Austin comes out and forces Del Rio into a match with the Show at Capitol Punishment
Match #2: Wade Barrett, Ted DiBiase & Cody Rhodes w/the Bag men vs Daniel Bryan, Ezekiel Jackson & Sin Cara. Cara pins Barrett.
Hornswoggle is in the ring with the T-shirt cannon. Then R-Truth comes out and wants to shoot because it looks like fun. Which of course means insult the crown, claim he's going to beat Cena, then beat up Horny. Austin then shows up on the TitanTron and tells Truth to pick on someone his own John Morrison!
Match #3: Sheamus vs Santino Marella. Sheamus beats Marella via submission.
Randy Orton comes to the ring and he demands that Christina come out and explain himself for what happened on Smackdown. Blah blah blah, Christian comes out, but decides not to fight. E-Mail!. Even though Austin is in charge the Master Control Program won't let Orton fight because he has a concussion and won't compete tonight. Orton needs to leave now and if doesn't he'll strip Orton of the World Heavyweight Championship. Then Austin pups up and says Christian isn't out of the woods, and tells him to face Rey Mysterio now.
Booker T joins in on commentary.
Match #4: Christian vs Frey Mysterio. Mysterio wins via DQ. Then the Nexus attacks Mysterio.
Vickie Guerrero screeches at Austin. He actually gives in and lets Dolph Ziggler have a U.S. title match against Kofi Kingston at Capitol Punishment as long as Dolph dumps Vickie. Dolph agrees, Vickie whines, and Austin tells them it was a joke and he already made the match earlier.
Match #5: R-Truth vs John Morrison….doesn't happen because apparently Little Jimmy jumped him in the back,
Match #5 (Real one) DolphZiggler w/Vickie Guerrero & Jack Swagger vs Evan Bourne & Kofi Kingston. Bourne pins Swagger.
Time for the Pit! Rowdy Roddy Piper comes out to be his weird self. Miz, Alex and Piper all yell at each other unto Riley says that Piper can beat Miz right not. Really? Miz offers $1,000 and will wear the suit of he does it. Piper wants 5 grand. Austin pops up and says it sound good, each man putting up 5 grand of their own money and riley is guest ref.
Match #6: Guest Ref Alex Riley: Rowdy Roddy Piper vs The Miz. Piper pins Miz. (Miz riley fight, fast count)
The Bellas and Kelly Kelly were at the Price is Right.
Match #7: The Bella Twins, Melina, Rosa Mendes, Tamina, Maryse & Alicia Fox vs Kelly Kelly, Beth Phoenix, AJ, Kaitlyn Natalya, Eve & Gail Kim. Kelly pins Rosa. (1:06, took longer to type than for the match) Then the good girls do a Rockette's kick.
Austin talks to the winner of Tough Enough. CM Punk comes is and Austin offers him booze, but Punk wants to give him a breathalyzer.
Austin comes to the ring…E-mail! Austin's getting sick of him and Cole is whimpers while reading the e-mail: Austin's done a good job, and the MCP will be back next week. Austin says he's still the GM, but next week will be another 3 hour show and will be all about the power of the people. They people will make all the matches and stipulations. (Remember Cyber Sunday?) The e-mail keeps dinging and Austin chases Cole away. Austin then smashes the podium and dumps beer on the computer, then runs over it on his ATV.
Another moronic press conference dream. This time Christian, Cody Rhodes, Sheamus, Great Khali & Hornswoggle ask questions.
Match #8: CM Punk vs John Cena. (Let's go Cena, Cena sucks!) Punk pins Cena. (Cena was distracted by Truth taunting Little Jimmy)Truth then attacks Cena. (Let's go jimmy!)