Hello once again, boys and girls, Roy Stantz, and I am reviewing the October 29th 2007 episode of WWE Raw, which took place in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. What does Philadelphia make you think of? Ben Franklin? The Liberty Bell? Rocky? Or maybe Cheesesteaks? Anyway, Cyber Sunday 2007 was a mixed bag. I liked the Stretcher Match between Fit Finlay and Rey Mysterio, and the fourth enounter between The Undertaker and Dave Batista, who won. It seems the entire cast of Sunday Night Heat are appearing on this episode tonight. Now, let's get down to it...
The night starts off with a Divas Halloween Battle Royal, which features the following Divas in the costumes of their choices:
Maria Kanellis as a cat (not as cool as Blaze, though)
Mickie James as an Native American (which made me hum Tatanka's theme music)
Torrie Wilson as an American Footbal player (that's what Johnny Maximum from World Heroes would look like if he had a sex change)
Victoria as a sumo wrestler (a nice tribute to the late Yokozuna)
Layla El as a policewoman (armed with a billy club, more on this later)
Kelly Kelly as a pimp (no comment)
Brooke Adams as Jane Porter (as I type this, Brooke has already been released from WWE)
Melina Perez as a Las Vegas showgirl (oh yeah, hot stuff)
Jillian Hall as Britney Spears (too obvious, yet hot AND hilarious by the way)
Michelle McCool as Eve (I miss the evil elementary school teacher Michelle)
The battle royal here is a bit predictable, though I get a real laugh out of Victoria doing the Banzai Drop on Brooke. Also, Layla uses her billy club as a weapon, since battle royals are No DQ. Once Mickie, Melina, and Jillian all get eliminated, it's just down to Victoria, Torrie, and Kelly. I have high hopes for Victoria winning, but alas, it was not to be. Kelly Kelly wins the match, now take a wild guess on what what prize she wins.......... Yep, you guessed it, a beatdown from the Women's Champion Beth Phoenix! We'll get back to that later.
We are reminded that the Heartbreak Kid Shawn Michaels won the vote to face the WWE Champion The Legend Killer Randy Orton, yet won by DQ and not the title.
HBK comes out and tells everyone that he wants Orton once again. Vince McMahon comes out and sets it up like this: Orton vs. HBK for the WWE Title as the 2007 WWE Survivor Series. HBK thanks Vince by nearly hitting him with Sweet Chin Music, causing Vince to say a couple of Hail Mary's.
Up next, we have Shelton Benjamin & Charlie Haas, aka the World's Greatest Tag-Team, taking on Cody Rhodes, who is teaming up with Hardcore Holly, a man who STILL hates rookies. This match has a huge history. In late 2004 to mid 2005, Haas used to team with Holly while Benjamin was Intercontinental Champion. And last episode, Holly saved Rhodes from a WGTT beatdown. Everybody gets in all their moves. Rhodes blocks a DDT from Haas, then pins him with a DDT of his own.
Backstage, Todd Grisham interviews Beth Phoenix, who was responsible for getting Candice Michelle injured when she landed badly on her neck upon coming off the top turnbuckle on the previous Raw. Beth claims that Candice is finished, and should stay in Wisconsin. And now for a quick piece of wrestling trivia: About 8 years ago, another wrestler was paralyzed from the neck down thanks to a botched move in the WWF. For those who don't know, that was Darren Drozdov, who landed badly on his neck in a running powerbomb from D-Lo Brown during one of the first episodes of Smackdown in late 1999. If I'm not mistaken, during the "Don't Try This At Home" video, it's Droz that was being taken out of the ring on a stretcher.
Meanwhile, Trevor Murdoch is talking to Mickie James, because, also on the previous Raw, during a intergender tag match, Murdoch saved Mickie from suffering a Lance Cade clothesline. Cade shows up and tells Murdoch to get his head in the game for tonight. I'd wonder how this Murdoch/Mickie love angle will go...
Vince McMahon gives his illegitimate son Hornswoggle a pep talk for his upcoming match against Jonathan Coachman.
As Coach and Hornswoggle get ready to knuckle up, Mick Foley/Mankind/Cactus Jack/Dude Love comes out to be the guest referee. The match is nothing but pure Saturday Night Live-esque comedy, but I like it, since I'm Irish. Hornwoggle wins with a Frog Splash.
Because he's facing Randy Orton and Umaga tonight, The Game Triple H claims that if he's going down, he's taking them with him!
We also have Paul London (w/Brian Kendrick) vs. Lance Cade (w/Trevor Murdoch). It's basically the same match I've seen between these gents. Cade wins, and the Highlanders come out to beat down Kendrick & London.
Here's a good one: Harry Smith (aka D.H. Smith, son of the late British Bulldog Davey Boy Smith) teaming with the Intercontinental Champion Jeff Hardy against Carlito Carribean Cool and Mr. Kennedy. As I write this, Smith is currently suspended for taking steroids, or so WWE assumes... Whatever the case, I like Smith's huge arsenal of power moves that he uses, just like his dad. Jeff and D.H. win when Jeff pins Carlito with the Swanton Bomb.
Santino Marella comes to the ring to call out Stone Cold Steve Austin, and on the Titantron comes Santino dressed as Austin, doing a super-corny imitation of the Texas Rattlesnake. Maria comes out and reminds Santino that Austin will be appearing on next week's Raw.
I'd have to be desperate to tell about who wins the 2007 Diva Search. No thanks.
Long story short, Umaga and Orton beat HHH by DQ when HBK attacks both of them, causing Vince McMahon to set up a tag match between Orton/Umaga and DeGeneration X next week. DX pose, as the show comes to a close.
What really made me like this episode is that the Sunday Night Heat regulars were in it. I'm praying that the 2007 WWE Survivor Series has a fair amount of traditional Survivor Series elimination matches. Whatever the case, that's the end of this review, and I am off to the Lisburn Gymtech to burn some fat. Later, guys.
In loving memory of The Fabulous Moolah (1923-2007)