In the first scene of Act I, Christine's shirt sleeves alternate between being rolled around her elbows and rolled around her forearms.
Greg: It's you, Kim. Here I am, wasting all this time thinking that I'm a lousy boss. I mean, it's starting to make sense. Because when Paula quit, I overheard her tell somebody she couldn't deal with Mrs. Warner anymore. I thought she was talking about me.
Jimmy: Even though she said "Mrs. Warner?"
Greg: There was an incident. I had trouble lifting a... water jug one time.
Greg: How often do you do this?
Kim: I don't know. Maybe once or twice a week.
Christine: A day! Once or twice a day! Yesterday, she told me to take my cellphone into the bathroom so that when nature called, she could, too.
Kim: You don't understand. She is shirking her other responsibilities.
Greg: What other responsibilities?
Christine: Responsibilities to Kim. She's been dumping projects on me all week. You know that school flyer she's been showing off?
Christine: All me! I made it! And you know that field trip that she's planning for next month?
Christine: Me! And you see that nice suit you're wearing?
Jimmy: You made this?!
Kim: Um, unfortunately, the projects I ask you to do are a part of your job.
Christine: Yeah, you keep saying that, but, um, I took a peek at the--the company handbook, and, um, taking your underwear back to The Gap because your thong is too "thongy?" Not part of the job description.
Kim: This is--this is so typical.
Christine: Excuse me?
Kim: You're always looking for the easy way out. It goes all the way back to high school. You would steal my boyfriends because you refused to do the job of getting them yourself.
Christine: Hey, I didn't steal them. They came to me because there were certain jobs you refused to do.
Kim: I had braces with rubber bands.
Jimmy: That bad, huh?
Christine: And it's only getting worse. I mean, today, I made thousands of photocopies, dozens of phone calls, then I spent my lunch hour at the fotomat picking up pictures of Sammy's soccer game.
Jimmy: See, I told you working for Greg was a bad idea. I knew he'd be riding you. I knew he'd be always standing over and just cracking the whip.
Christine: No, no, no, it's not Greg. It's Kim. She's riding me. She's standing over me cracking the whip.
Jimmy: Wow... how hot is that?
Christine: Um, well, let's see. Your Wednesday meeting may be moved to 3:30, which seems fine. Legal faxed over the contracts for your 2:00 with Savitsky. And, um, oh, I talked the computer guys into taking the Internet filter off your computer.
Greg: Christine, the studio puts that on so people don't waste company time looking at porn.
Christine: I know. You're welcome.
Greg: What are you doing here?
Jimmy: Uh, I was just visiting with your assistant. You know you got a very hard worker here. She wouldn't even let me get to first base. Which is more than I can say about your other assistants.
Jimmy: I got to tell you, you look really great in that... suit... pant thingy.
Christine: Jimmy, stop.
Christine: We're at work. Besides, Greg's gonna be back from lunch any minute.
Jimmy: No, no, he won't. I put a sock on the doorknob. Okay? Any guy who's ever had sex with a girl in a college dorm knows exactly what that means.
Greg: (walking in) Why is there a sock on the door?
Jimmy: Isn't this great? You know, I always thought we'd end up working in the same place.
Christine: Yeah, me, too. I just thought it would be on the side of the road in orange jumpsuits.
Christine: Greg, I am not going to let you down, I promise. You are gonna be so shocked at how professional I'm gonna be.
Christine: Okay... Jimmy, get my pantyhose out of the sink! Momma's going to work!
Kim: Christine as your new assistant. How great would that be? You guys would have so much fun.
Greg: Yeah, yeah, yeah, we'd have a blast. And I would love to hire Christine, but I can't.
Kim: Why not?
Greg: Well, unfortunately, the studio has a rule against nepotism and, you know, nepo-in-law-tism.
Jimmy: Enough with this talk about Kim being a better mom than you. Okay? You're the supermom around here. I know it, and so do the kids.
Christine: You're right. I am.
Jimmy: By the way, where are the kids?
Christine: I don't know, I'm sure Kim's watching 'em.
Christine: Look, Jimmy, even if Greg is difficult, I think I can handle him. You know, I mean, I've lived with him for four years. I know his likes. I know his dislikes.
Jimmy: We're his dislikes!
Christine: Look, Jimmy, I know it might be awkward, alright, but this is a great job. I bet the pay is good, and--and I'm sure the health plan is a lot better than that crappy HMO they give you.
Jimmy: Now, wait a minute, what's wrong with my health plan? The kids love their doctor.
Christine: Yes, the kids like their doctor, and you like your dentist, and I like my gynecologist. I'm a little concerned, however, that they're all the same guy.
Jimmy: Hey, working hard, huh?
Christine: Yep. After I close this chemistry book, I know my college days will soon be over.
Jimmy: Oh, it's funny, because after I opened my chemistry book, I knew my college days would soon be over.
Christine: Making cookies, huh?
Kim: Yeah. They're for Sammy and Logan's school picnic. I made a different one for each kid in the class, and wrote their name in frosting.
Christine: What's that one with all the dots?
Kim: Oh, that's for the blind kid.
Although he is listed as a star, Joel Homan does not appear in the final cut.
Originally scheduled to air on March 23, 2005. "Quitters Never Dance" was originally scheduled to air on this date.
Music: Gioacchino Rossini's William Tell Overture
Christine: But if I don't get a job, I'm gonna feel like a failure. Especially if I'm stuck at home taping spoons to Jell-O boxes while Supermom Kim gives me the stink eye. I can't compete with her, Jimmy. She's like June Cleaver on... Red Bull and crystal meth.
June Cleaver (Barbara Billingsley) was the perfect mom on the 1957-1963 show Leave It to Beaver. Red Bull is an energy drink that, according to the ads, "gives you wings."