Greg comes home from work, walking past Logan with the water hose. (Logan points the hose at Greg) Soon as Greg enters the house Kim states
"Sammy hit a new milestone." Greg replies, "Please tell me he stopped putting his hand down his pants."
A few minutes later Greg takes a plate outside and gets clobbered by Logan with the waterhose.
Kim is thrilled to report that Sam has his very first girlfriend: his classmate, Claire. They're inseparable at school, and now Claire is coming over for a playdate. But Sam's first just brings back painful memories for Greg, whose first, Lizzie Freedman, dumped him for the cool skateboarding kid, Kevin Gallagher. While Kim is advising Sam to play what his little guest wants to play, Greg is warning him to not do what Lizzie did to him -- take pictures after convincing him to dress up like Princess Leia, which she then showed to everyone at school. The doorbell rings and it it Claire and her mother here for the playdate. Jimmy removes Sam's hand from his pants and wipes Sams hand on his shirt. "Now we're ready."
After Claire's mother drops her daughter off, Kim and Greg spy on Sam and Claire playing hide and go seek in the backyard. And while Sam is counting, they witness Claire ditching Sam in order to go ride bikes with Logan. Believing that Logan stole Sam's girl, Greg and Kim punish their nephew by making him stand in the corner. When Jimmy and Christine walk in and ask why Logan's being punished, they laugh at the answer, lift Logan's punishment, and let him play with Sam's girlfriend (who told Logan she liked him better) all he wants. When Greg and Kim get on their case for what Logan did, Jimmy and Christine say that Sam and Emily have way more stuff than Logan and Dominic do, and they never take toys away from their kids out of respect for what Logan and Dominic don't have. After Jimmy tells Greg like father, like son, Greg decides to fight fire with fire, and buys Sam a two wheeler, so Claire won't have any use for Logan anymore -- and so Sam won't grow up to be like him, the guy who lost girls left and right. But Sam has no coordination, and hurts himself falling off the bike. Moving on to Plan B, Greg and Kim purchase mini motorized cars for Sam and Claire -- and Jimmy and Christine witness Claire ditching Logan and driving off with Sam. So Jimmy and Christine opt to beat Greg and Kim at their own game. By getting a puppy (which Sam's allergic to) for Logan and Claire to play with.
Greg "I don't believe it. They have resorted to germ warfare."
Greg and Kim barge into the guesthouse to confront them, and even Christine is shocked to learn that Jimmy didn't buy the puppy; he dognapped it. After Jimmy states that it's ridiculous how the boys are being judged on what kind of toys they have, and Greg and Kim both say that Logan isn't adorable like Sam.
Greg: "How should we judge 'cause you wouldn't want to go by how cute they are?"
Christine: Are you saying Logan isn't cute?"
Kim: (after being pushed between Greg and Christine by Greg) "Logan is cute, Sam is adorable and we both know you have got to take you hand out of your nose before you can be adorable."
Christine: "And put it where, down your pants?"
The four parents decide to put the toys aside and find out who's Claire's real favorite -- by treating her like a dog and having Sam and Logan call out her name to see who she goes to. With Greg's and Kim's help, Claire goes to Sam, but her mother comes over just in time to witness the whole event. Furious that the Warners and the Hughes were treating her daughter like a dog, she lets them know Claire won't be coming over anymore, and then storms off in a huff. Greg, Kim, Jimmy and Christine are all ashamed of themselves -- until the owner of the puppy comes over to claim it, and tells them that he just moved into the neighborhood and the dog belongs to his five-year-old daughter.