Yes, Dear

Season 5 Episode 1

I Wish That I Had Sammy's Girl

Aired Wednesday 8:30 PM Feb 16, 2005 on CBS



  • Trivia

    • There is a jump cut after Shulie Cowen says the line, "You know what? I don't care." Her hands are together in that shot. In the next shot, they are down by her sides.

    • In "House of Cards" (among other episodes), it was stated that Kim was Greg's first girlfriend.

    • Greg tells Kim, "All through high school, the only rack I ever saw was the one that was holding my letters." But, in "Johnny Ampleseed," he mentions that he slept with Stacey.

  • Quotes

    • Christine: And besides, they don't need our help with women. I mean, eventually, they're just gonna figure it out, right? Like Greg and Jimmy did.
      Kim: Well, Jimmy, maybe. When I first met Greg, he still had quite a bit to learn. He knew all the right names for a lot of things, but he just didn't know quite where to find them.

    • Christine: Maybe that got a little out of hand.
      Greg: It wasn't that bad.
      Jimmy: Greg, I was throwing her treats while you were whistling at her. We were a camcorder away from shooting the first episode of Kindergartners Gone Wild.

    • Jimmy: Over the line? You bought a 5-year-old girl a Mercedes!
      Greg: Yeah, that's after Sam had already lost her to your two-wheeling, little gigolo!
      Jimmy: Hey, you know, it's not my fault that your son doesn't have the normal coordination of a 5-year-old! Why don't you just teach him how to ride a bike?!
      Kim: We tried! We ran out of Bactine!

    • Christine: Look, you know we can't compete with expensive toys, so we did the only thing we could do. Jimmy went out and bought a dog.
      Jimmy: Got a dog. I went out and got a dog.
      Christine: What does that mean, you got a dog?
      Jimmy: Well, I was in kind of a hurry, and it was just walking down the street.

    • Kim: Can you imagine if Claire and Sam did get married one day? The kids would be so cute.
      Greg: I'll say. And judging from her mom, Claire's gonna fill out rather nicely.
      Kim: Don't kid yourself. Her mother was wearing a wonder bra.
      Greg: Well, it worked -- made me wonder.

    • Kim: The cars were a great idea, Greg! They're having a blast!
      Greg: I know. Whoever said money can't buy you love never tried to buy a little girl—that didn't sound right, did it?

    • Christine: They bought her a Mercedes?
      Jimmy: Well, we can't compete with that. I mean, that little toy car is worth more than my real one.

    • Greg: Kim, my whole life, I lost girls to guys that could throw a football further or could climb to the top of the rope in gym class without getting a nosebleed. I don't want Sam to end up alone at home on Friday nights playing Scrabble with his parents.
      Kim: Scrabble?
      Greg: Yep. All through high school, the only rack I ever saw was the one that was holding my letters.

    • Greg: I don't believe it. I don't believe you're gonna let him steal Sammy's girlfriend. What am I supposed to tell my kid?
      Jimmy: Well, if he's gonna grow up to be anything like his father, you might want to tell him to get used to it.

    • Jimmy: Well, Sam and Emily have all kinds of stuff that our kids don't have.
      Kim: Like what?
      Christine: Like nicer clothes, expensive toys. I mean, last year, Logan wanted an Xbox like the one Sammy has, but the best we could give him was an Xbox box.

    • Greg: Look, we kept asking Logan to stop. But every time he went outside, he rode off with her again, leaving poor Sam alone on the steps.
      Jimmy: Wait a minute, so Logan's in a time-out for riding his bike?
      Greg: With Sam's girlfriend!
      Logan: But she said she liked me better than—
      Greg: Zip it up, buddy! You're in a time-out!

    • Kim: Sammy, I want you to be polite today. Remember, Claire is your guest. So you should play what she wants to play.
      Greg: And listen, Sam, no matter how much she begs, don't dress up like a princess and let her take pictures of you. Even if she promises not to show them to anyone at school, because she'll show everyone. Everyone. And her and Kevin Gallagher will laugh and laugh and laugh.
      Jimmy: What, uh, kind of princess did you dress—
      Greg: Leia. Princess Leia. We were playing Star Wars, and she insisted on being Chewbacca.
      Christine: So, why didn't you dress up like Luke Skywalker or Han Solo?
      Greg: Because she wanted me to be Leia, and I was in love.
      I'm sure all of you have done embarrassing things in the name of love.
      Kim: Aw, of course we have, honey. I, for example, married Princess Leia.

    • Kim: I remember my first boyfriend. We spent every recess together until I beat him at the 50-yard dash. He cried and dumped me for the girl with scoliosis.
      Jimmy: My first girlfriend was in the third grade—Debbie Aruka. But her father wouldn't let her and I play together because he thought I was gonna be a loser who would amount to nothing.
      Greg: What was her father's name, Nostradamus?

    • Christine: I wish Logan would play with a girl once in a while. All he and his friends ever do at recess is have mud fights.
      Jimmy: Well, that's what boys do. I mean, no offense, but, you know, most boys don't like playing house.
      Greg: Well, maybe Logan's uncomfortable playing house because he doesn't have a house.

    • Kim: He has a new friend that's a girl. Her name is Claire, and the teacher says that they are inseparable. They go into the little, plastic log cabin at recess, and act like that they're married.
      Jimmy: In high school, Christine and I used to park my car behind the Arby's and act like we were married.
      Christine: We spent so much time back there, Jimmy started to become aroused by the smell of roast beef.

    • Kim: Sammy has a little girlfriend.
      Christine: Great. Maybe now he'll stop playing with himself.
      Jimmy: That's what cured me.

    • Christine: Yeah, it's totally normal that he sticks his hands down his pants, but what's with that serious look on his face? It's like he's trying to solve a little Rubik's Cube down there.

  • Notes

  • Allusions

    • The title is a play on lyrics from Rick Springfield's 1981 song, "Jesse's Girl."

    • Jimmy: Greg, I was throwing her treats while you were whistling at her. We were a camcorder away from shooting the first episode of "Kindergartners Gone Wild."
      The popular "Girls Gone Wild" videos, showing hot (and usually wasted) girls doing titillating things for the camera.

    • Greg: Okay, Little McGruff, we won't be needing you.
      McGruff is the animated, trench coat-sporting bloodhound who teaches kids to "take a bite out of crime."

    • Greg: If it's Jimmy strutting around in his Daisy Duke shorts, I don't want to see it. Last time, I saw his Boss Hogg and half of his Enos. All of these are references to the 1979-1985 CBS show, The Dukes of Hazzard.