Kevin Smith: Oh, George. I had an excellent chit-chat this morning with one of the security guards at the front gate. Smart guy. Seemed to have a lot on the ball.
Mr. Savitsky: Yeah?
Kevin Smith: Tall, skinny dude. Kinda looked like Ben Affleck before all the cosmetic surgery.
Greg: Kevin Smith. Wow. I can't believe I'm talking to you. This is quite a thrill for me. You've done so many movies that I love: Clerks, Chasing Amy, Mallrats.
Kevin Smith: Mallrats? Dude, now I know you're kidding. Where's the camera? I'm being Punk'd, ain't I?
Jimmy: Uh, actually. I don't think you have time for breakfast.
Greg: What are you talking about? I don't have to be there 'til 10:00.
Jimmy: Yeah, you mean Greg Warner doesn't have to be there 'til 10:00. Jimmy Hughes' shift starts at 8:30.
Jimmy: Yeah, sorry. You should, uh, probably get a move on. You've been late to work twice already this week.
Greg: You want me to work as a security guard? Why don't you just get one of the other guards to cover Jimmy's shift?
Mr. Savitsky: I could, but I'm not going to. Maybe sitting in a tiny booth breathing in car exhaust and pushing a button like an orangutan might teach you some humility. No offense, Jimmy.
Jimmy: I don't want to get fired.
Greg: Jimmy, what do you think's gonna worse for you? You getting fired, or me getting fired?
Jimmy: But I like my job.
Greg: Let me explain something to you. When the host body dies, the parasites that feed upon it go hungry.
Jimmy: Look, obviously, there's been some sort of misunderstanding, but you gotta, you know, you gotta keep your emotions in check. I'm sure there's a perfectly good explanation for, for this, and when you find out what it is, it's important that you remain calm.
Greg: What... did... you... do?
Jimmy: Okay, okay, look, Christine and I used your badges, and we went to the premiere as you and Kim.
Greg: What?! What?!
Jimmy: Look, look, I'm--look, I'm sorry--I'm--I--I just thought it was a waste not to use the tickets, and so I ended up in the bathroom talking to some guy, but I didn't know he was the director! If anything, he looked like that guy with the beard from that movie, Chasing Amy.
Jimmy: No, no. I'm serious, man. The story is stupid, the effects are totally fake, half the camera shots you can't even tell what you're looking at. I mean, did this guy go to film school, or what?
Kevin Smith: Well, he did, but, you know, he dropped out.
Jimmy: Well, it shows. This is one of the worst movies I've ever seen. I think Abe Lincoln had a better time in the theater than I had tonight.
Jenkins: Well, you should be proud. I'm tellin' ya, they're gonna give you the Oscar for this one.
Kevin Smith: I don't know, man. Oscars? I didn't make this movie to win awards, you know? It was never meant to be more than a simple character study that aspired—who am I kidding? It's the fat man's year!
Christine: Jimmy, you're eating duck pâté? Do you... know what part of the duck that comes from?
Jimmy: Well, as long as it's not feet, beak or butt, I'm okay.
Christine: Have fun at the pool party.
Kim: Thanks. What are you guys up to tonight?
Christine: Just gonna go to dinner with some friends.
Kim: Oh, yeah? Where you going?
Christine: P.F. Chang's.
Jimmy: (simultaneous) Hooters.
Christine: P.F. Chang-Hooter's. It's, um, a new hybrid restaurant.
Jimmy: Yeah, there's no MSG in the food, and there's no silicone in the waitresses.
Jimmy: Alright, now that we're going to be pretending to be Greg and Kim on Saturday night, we should probably get a little practice pretending to be them tonight.
Christine: What, like going to bed without doing it?
Greg: Hey, do we have plans this Saturday?
Kim: Uh, yeah, my friend, Tracy, is having a pool party. I was kinda hoping we could go.
Greg: Oh, yeah? Good. I wouldn't miss it for the world.
Kim: Really? I thought you hated my friend, Tracy.
Greg: I do, but so does her husband, so we have a lot of things to talk about.
The fellow amigo in this week's Amigos de Garcia Productions logo is former guest star Travis Tritt.
The Red Nose of Courage voiceovers are uncredited.
Although credited, Joel Homan, Brendon Baerg and Madison and Marissa Poer do not appear in the final cut.
The original broadcast aired with a 5-second spot featuring Mike O'Malley promoting March Madness on CBS.
The tag features Kevin Smith doing his Silent Bob character from most of his movies.
Kevin Smith was a guest on The Late Late Show with Craig Kilborn on March 24, where a clip from this episode was shown. He did not have especially glowing things to say about Yes, Dear.