Jim Hacker: How are we supposed to govern responsibly if backbenchers get all the facts?
Hacker: Couldn't we get the independent enquiry to exonerate the department?
Humphrey: Do you mean rig it?
Hacker: No, no, no, no, no. Well, yes.
Hacker: The National Health Service, Humphrey, is an advanced case of galloping bureaucracy.
Humphrey: Oh, certainly not 'galloping'... a gentle canter at the most.
Hacker: Fortunately, Bernard, most of our journalists are so incompentent they'd have the gravest difficulty in finding out that today is Wednesday.
Bernard: Uh, it's actually Thursday, Minister.
Sir Humphrey Appleby: The Minister doesn't know his ACAS from his NALGO.
This is a pun on the name of two industrial relations bodies:
ACAS = Advisory, Conciliation and Arbitration Service.
NALGO = National Association of Local Government Officers (a 1970s/1980s trades union, subsequently subsumed into Unison).