Arab: Sir Humphrey! I have just seen this order of service for tomorrow. it is deeply embarrassing! This hymn -
Humphrey: On Jordan's Bank, the Baptists Cry? Why?
Arab: Don't you know the Jordan Bank went bust yesterday???
Jim Hacker: Don't we ever get our own way with the French?
Sir Humphrey: Well, sometimes.
Jim Hacker: When was the last time?
Sir Humphrey: Battle of Waterloo, 1815.
Jim Hacker: Plenty of room for television cameras, won't there?
Sir Humphrey: Yes.
Jim Hacker: Outside Number Ten, along the route, outside the Abbey, inside the Abbey. One pointing directly at my pew.
Sir Humphrey: Uhm...now wouldn't that mean putting the cameraman in the pulpit?
Jim Hacker: Will that be all right?
Sir Humphrey: Well, it won't leave a lot of room for the Arch Bishop.
Jim Hacker: Well, so where will he preach from?
Sir Humphrey: I think he'll need to be in the pulpit.
Jim Hacker: Where will my camera be?
Sir Humphrey: Well, there is always the High Altar, but I think the Arch Bishop may need that as well.
Jim Hacker: Who does he think he is?
Sir Humphrey: Well, he probably thinks it is a religious ceremony. Nobody has told him it is a Party Political.
French Ambassador: Prime Minister, I cannot tell you the gravity of the affront my Government would feel if Her Majesty were to refuse a gift in exchange for the one our President accepted from her. I feel it would be interpreted as both a national and a personal affront to the President and his wife.
Jim Hacker: Excellency, you must ask the President not to bring that bitch with him. .... The puppy! I mean the puppy!
(On the phone)
Bernard Woolley: No, we can't have alphabetical seating in the Abbey; you would have Iraq and Iran next to each other. Plus Israel and Jordan, all sitting in the same pew. We would be in danger of starting World War III.