Zoey 101 Season 4 Episode 9

Coco: Remember when I worked here as a restroom attendant?
Lola: Uh-huh.
Quinn: Yeah...
Coco: Well, when I quit, I got in a fight with the maitre d'! He told me I had to finish up the night, so I told him to go sit on a squash, then we got into a fight, I hit him with a beef rib, he fell down, and I ran out the door!

Zoey: I want a crab cake.
James: I think that can be arranged.
Zoey: And I want both kinds of sauce.
James: I understand.

Quinn: Did you guys know that crabs are omnivores that eat algae and fungus and worms?
Lola: Algae, fungus, and worms?
Michael: Oh my!

Zoey: Could you pass me a crab cake?
James: Oh, sure. (takes the plate of crab cakes to pass to Zoey)
Michael: Oh! I want a crab cake! (grabs one)
Lola: Me too! (grabs another)
Logan: I'll take one! (grabs the last one, so there are none left for Zoey)

James: You alright?
Zoey: NO!
Lola: Well, here! A hunk of lobster will make you feel better! (breaks the lobster, causing some to hit Zoey on the face)

Lola: We should push the tables together so we can all sit closer! (starts pulling James and Zoey's table over)
James: I-I don't think that-
Michael: Here, Zoey, slide your chair this way!
Zoey: No, I'm fine right-
(Michael pulls her chair over and Zoey falls on her face)

Quinn: Did you guys know that lobsters in captivity sometimes resort to cannibalism?
James: Cannibalism?
Quinn: Yeah. They eat their friends! We know because marine biologists have found lobster skin in the stomachs of other lobsters.
Zoey: I wish a lobster would eat me!

Zoey: So, that wasn't the first time you ever saw me?
James: No. Actually, when I was trying to find the housing office, I saw you by the fountain.
Zoey: And your first thought was?
James: You know, that you were insanely adorable!
(they laugh)
Logan: (disgusted) Oh, come on! Dude! She's already dating you! You don't have to lie to her anymore!
James: I wasn't lying.
Zoey: Could you just eat your lobster?

(Lola and Michael walk into Vaccaro)
Maitre d': Uh, can I help you?
Lola: Oh! Yeah, we're here to meet a guy named Logan...our age. Sorta...good looking.
Michael: Sorta.
Maitre d': Mr. Preese.
Michael: Reese.
Lola: No "P."
Maitre d': You certain?
Lola: Completely...

James: Quinn's coming!
(James and Zoey throw the lobster shells under the table, which hit Logan)
Logan: (picking one of them up) Rude!

Zoey: And you still have the scar?
James: Yeah. It's cool, it looks like a cross between a lightning bolt and a banana.
Zoey: A banana-bolt!

(Quinn is in the restroom. The maitre d' comes out of a stall and notices Quinn staring)
Maitre d': (defensively) The men's room doesn't have lollipops! (grabs one and puts it in his mouth)

Zoey: Look, I love Quinn, but tonight was supposed to be a special night, just the two of us.
James: Well, so, now it's eight of us.
(Zoey looks puzzled)
James: You, me, Quinn, and that family of lobsters!

Quinn: Um, I'm gonna hit the restroom!
Zoey: Okay.
James: We'll watch your pile of lobsters.

Quinn: Zoey and James are here!
Logan: I know! Why do you think I'm under the table?!

Maitre d': Good evening. And welcome to Vaccaro. I assume you have a reservation?
James: Yes. James Garrett, for two.
Maitre d': Garrett...(types it into the computer) Is that with a "P?"
James: Uh, no. Garrett.
Maitre d': Not a "P?"
Zoey: G-A-R-R-E-T-T.
Maitre d': Interesting...

Logan: You want everybody to find out we're dating? You know how much abuse we'd both get?!
Quinn: Yes, I realize why we're slow dancing in a janitor's closet with noxious fumes and a dead flower!

Logan: I brought you a flower!
Quinn: Yeah...and it's dying from the bleach fumes in here!

(Quinn and Logan are slow dancing)
Logan: How romantic is this?
Quinn: Well...
Logan: What's wrong?
(Quinn sighs and turns the light on)
Quinn: We're dancing in a janitor's closet.

Lola: Hey, Zoe!
Michael: We're ready!
Zoey: (untruthfully) Yay, you're coming with us!
Lola: Yup.
Michael: We are!
Stacey: I might be coming too!
(Zoey, James, Michael, and Lola look at each other, then run away)
Stacey: Wait! Guys! You forgot me!

Stacey: Hey, Zoey.
Zoey: Oh...hey Stacey.
Stacey: I'm writing a science essasy all about turkeys.
Zoey: Turkeys?
Stacey: Yes. Now, we all know they don't fly.
Zoey: They don't?
Stacey: Now the question is, are turkeys simply too fat and bulbous to fly, or are they just lazy?
Zoey: Uh...Whoops, here's my boyfriend!
(James walks over)
James: Am I late?
Zoey: Nope, perfect timing!