Mark Del Figgalo
Quinn says that if an atom loses a proton, it becomes negative. That's not true; if an atom loses a proton it becomes a new atom.
Quinn: Lola, put down the melon!
Zoey: I'll be nice if she'll be nice!
Lola: So it's all on me now!
Zoey: You're the one who started acting like a jerk yesterday!
Lola: I should've known you'd tried to make sure I looked worse than you. And uh...good luck doing that!
Zoey: And now, I'm offended!
Mark: Oh look, a rock.
Chase: How'd you pull that off?
Logan: My dad has connections.
(Zoey and Lola are beating Logan up in the mud)
Michael: Heh, girls. Always fighting dirty!
Stacey: Hey, Logan. Nice tuxedo. Do you like my dress?
Logan: No! (walks away)
Stacey: Oh! Well, thanks for the constructive criticism! (waves)
Chase: If you could be an internal organ, which organ would you be: heart, lung, liver, pancreas, or bladder?
Zoey: What kind of question is that?!
Chase: It's a Chase question. I made it up myself!
Zoey: Just pick up those index cards and read me the questions!
Chase: What are they for?
Zoey: The interview! The pageant consists of four sub-competitions: talent, evening gown, interview, and swim suit!
Chase: Can I help you pick out a swim suit?
Zoey: I already picked a swim suit!
Chase: (runs into the room) What happened? Are you okay?
Zoey: Yeah. Why wouldn't I be okay?
Chase: Because you sent me a double 911 text message.
Zoey: Yes! Because I needed you to help me decide which earrings I should wear in the pageant!
Chase: Oh, sorry. I didn't realize the seriousness of the situation.
Lola: Can I please borrow your lip gloss?
Zoey: Careful, Quinn. If she ends up not liking it, she'll accuse you of trying to sabotage her mouth!
Lola: Is Zoey in here?
Quinn: No, just me.
Lola: Good. 'Cause I don't want to be in the same room with her!
Zoey: Better leave, because here I am!
Lola: I'm not going anywhere! I'm just gonna ignore you!
Zoey: Oh, promise?
Lola: You know what's gonna be so great about seeing my face on the cover of Buzz magazine? NOT seeing yours!
Zoey: Your face should be covered! With a sack!
Chase: Hey! Who likes cheddar cheese? I know I do!
(Zoey opens the door, wearing her pageant dress)
Zoey: Do you like it?
Chase: (nods) Ohhhh...
Zoey: So...you like it?
Chase: Yeah! It's uh, very uh...flattering.
Zoey: Do you need a drink of water?
Chase: Yes, please!
Chase: You know, I don't support this beauty pageant. It treats girls like they're prized show pigs at a county fair.
Zoey: Two more minutes!
Chase: I'm bored!
Zoey: Look at the fire extinguisher.
Chase: (looks at it) It's not that exciting!
Michael: Hey, hey, hey! My pants! Wahoo! Hahaha! Yeah, baby, oh! My pants are down around my ankles, WOOHOO! Yeah, baby! Oh, oh yeah! This is not something you see every day, baby! This is unanticipated! Oh! You see me, right? My pants are down, baby! Yeah! You can't handle it! No, you can not! Oh yeah, baby!
Logan: Zoey's competing against you!
Logan: So she's going to make sure her dress is better than yours! Coming up next on Duh!
Lola: Hey, Logan!
Lola: So about this beauty pageant-
Logan: Kissing me will not influence my decision!
Michael: I'm gonna make you laugh, Quinn Pensky! I'm gonna make you laugh 'til it hurts!
Michael: Hey, hey, Quinn.
Michael: What does a hillbilly call a deer with no eyes?
Quinn: I don't know...what?
Michael: No-eyed deer!
(Logan pulls out a pair of underwear from underneath him)
Logan: Whose are these??
Chase: (snatching them away) Doesn't matter!
Zoey: Do you realize how jealous Katie Peckerman will be if I'm on the cover of Buzz?
Chase: Who's Katie Peckerman?
Zoey: A rotten little skunkbag who called me ugly in third grade. I hate that Katie Peckerman!
Lola: Beauty pageants are insulting to girls!
Logan: Ugly girls, yeah!
Logan: Don't go snotting on this idea! It's AWESOME!
Zoey: Okay first of all, I'll snot on whatever I want to snot on.
Lola: And, this is a horrible idea!
Michael: Why do they call this eggplant? It doesn't look like an egg, doesn't look like a plant!
Lola: So what should they call it?
Michael: I don't know...vege-mush!
Quinn: You need good extracurricular stuff!
Logan: I play football and basketball...
Michael: Yeah, not that good though!
Zoey: Daddy's not going to be able to buy your way into college!
Zoey: I just spent two hours going over everything I'm gonna need to fill my college applications.
Logan: Why? We don't have to worry about that for another year!
Chase: You better start worrying now.
Michael: It takes a lot more than grades and SATs to get into a good college.
Lola: Especially when your grades and SAT scores are suckish! You know, like yours!
Chase: Hey, you dented my fro!
(Zoey and Lola enter Chase, Michael, and Logan's room, Chase is folding laundry)
Lola: Hey Chase.
(Chase hides something)
Chase: What, what?
Zoey: What did you just hide?
(Zoey and Lola shove Chase aside)
Lola: (holds up Chase's underwear) Ohhh, tighty whities!
Zoey: (takes underwear from Lola) My little brother wears these!
Chase: (snatches underwear) Okay, that's enough!
Chase: Plus, beauty pagents are sexist.
Logan: So, whats wrong with sexy?
Although credited, Paul Butcher (Dustin) does not appear in this episode.
Tagline: "No-eyed deer!" -Mark
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