A Zoo Community
CBS (ended 2017)
Snakes. Of course it had to be snakes.

For those long-time viewers of Zoo--and it doesn't strike me as a show that one jumps into after three seasons--you'll remember that the team took on a killer snake last year. But it was normal-sized, even if it had a tendency to climb up a man's rectum and emerge from his mouth. Yuck.

So this season they decided to go with a giant 60' invisible snake. And isn't it cute how the writers don't understand how "camouflage" works? A wolf leaps at Mitch and Jamie, and then just disappears and they think that it teleported. Even if the snake was invisible, it eating something wouldn't make that something look like it teleported away. Hint: "camouflage" is not "invisible". Camouflage depends on slow stealthy movements, not superspeed swallowing.


Not to mention that the kind of "camouflage" we see her involves a moving camouflaged object against a variable background, from different people's perspectives.

But picking in Zoo's science is like taking lunch money from a five-year-old. Dwelling on how "realistic" Zoo is, is a path to madness.

To recap: "Wham, Bam, Thank You Sam", the Zoo Crew has tracked the abducted children's "radioactive footprint" to upstate New York. In a sequence only a little slower then last week's "Mitch takes out three armed guards and breaks into a heavily guarded compound," the Zoo Crew takes out no armed guards and breaks into an unguarded compound. Abigail wants Jackson dead (I think) but she doesn't leave a single booby-trap or killer razorback.


So Isaac and the other children are rescued. Huzzah! The police and government agencies show up, and so does Michael Hogan (Battlestar Galactica, but also Teen Wolf, 12 Monkeys, and a whole lot more) as an IADG head honcho who knows all about Logan's real background and wants him to investigate hybrids supposedly in Germany. You get the impression that Mr. Hogan thinks that he's slumming. But really all the scene and his character do is get Logan off of he show for a few weeks. And I'd be glad if we never saw Logan again. But they pulled that bait-and-switch on us last season, too.


So the IADG agent gives the team a lead on one of the remaining three hybrids in Peru. So off they go. Mitch and Jamie head off after the snake, while Jackson, Clem, Abe, and Dariela stay on the jet doing... I don't know what. Abigail has snuck onto the jet and freed Abednegos, and beat Clem to a pulp. She's pretty much okay, but Abe checks her out and discovers that her baby is dying. Technobabble technobabble technobabble, and it turns out they need a transfusion from the baby's father. It turns out he's Sam, and Clem had a fling with him in Colorado before she snuck out.

Meanwhile, Jamie and Mitch go after the giant snake and compare notes on what's the smelliest place they've ever been in. Neither one of them mentions Zoo itself. They run into Max, MItch's father, still played by Robin Thomas, aka Kalabar in the Halloween TV movies. Max is still a cryptozoologist, although you'd think hybrids would have put him out of business.


After Mitch and Jamie see a wolf get eaten by the camouflaged snake, Max shoots Mitch in the neck with a tranq gun. Thus begins a family reunion between Mitch and the father who stole his girlfriend and married her, making her Mitch's stepmother. Eww. Max is hunting for the Great Camouflaged Snake, and the trail leads to the snake's den. Which... I have no idea what it is. An abandoned warehouse for old amusement park rides. In Peru. Because it's Zoo: why not?

Jamie finds a working fire extinguisher (when it comes to reality, don't sweat the small stuff on Zoo), and sprays it around for several minutes on full blast. This reveals the snake, which swallows her. In admittedly a fairly cool sequence, Jamie cuts her way out of the camouflaged snake's stomach and all 60' of it turns visible as it dies. While Mitch and Max just stand around with their fingers up their (own) asses.


Jackson gets a lead on Sam, and heads to the guy's home in Pittsburgh. However, as Sam explains that he was never in Colorado (but he was in... Germany *bum bum bum*), Abigail shows him up and shoots him dead in his doorstep. In the middle of a suburban street. And tells Jackson that it's time for a family reunion.

Oh, and Abe and Dariela are still having martial difficulties. She wants to leave, Abe wants to stay and, you know, save humanity by helping the team end the whole TX sterility issue. What a jerk! Abe turns on his teddy bear moves and Dariela soon caves to his manly charms. Damn, and I'd almost thought we'd lost her like we lost Logan.


The only reason Robin Thomas seems to be here is because through an awkward bit of exposition, he sees the chemical formula for Molvatox-B and helpfully tells Jamie that it has Mitch's designer signature on it. Jamie confronts Mitch, and he jabs her with the tranq dart that he got shot with earlier. Which as they mentioned when Mitch got shot, induces amnesia of the last 30 minutes. Even though his conversation with Jamie falls within the 30 minutes before he got shot, but he later refers back to the conversation. Anyhoo, you can bet your bottom dollar that Jamie will probably forget the whole "found out in the last 30 minutes that Mitch is Mr. Duncan" thing.

It also gives Billy Burke a chance to be villainous. Although I'm confused: is Mitch now in Mr. Duncan bad guy mode? Or does he switch in and out? Or what? Mr. Burke plays it emotionless Terminator mode here, so it's hard to tell. But the season is still relatively young.


So "Wham, Bam, Thank You Sam" was a pretty standard episode of Zoo. Lots of family drama with the Morgans, a CGI animal hybrid, a quick resolution of the previous McGuffin and the introduction of a couple more. Nothing gets resolved, and a reset button or two are hit to keep the season going the full thirteen episodes.

But that's just my opinion, I could be wrong. What do you think?
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Aug 12, 2017
I'm guessing Billy will play it in such a way that we never really know if he's Mitch or Mr Duncan at the moment.
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