"The Giant Jackrabbit" episode originally aired on Wednesday, January 8th, 1964. This was Elvis Presley's 29th birthday. Elvis Presley's birthdate was Tuesday, January 8th, 1935. (edit) This was the most-watched prime-time telecast of ANY kind up to the time of its original airing, and to this day remains the most-watched half-hour sitcom episode ever. (edit)

Granny: Jed! Jed! Come a runnin'! Come a runnin'! He's back!
(Jed comes in the kitchen)
Jed: Quieten down Granny. What's the matter now?
Granny: The giant jackrabbit! I had him cornered, but he fist fought me!
Jed: Fist fought ya?
Granny: Yes he did. Now you go outside and belt him upside the jaw!
(Jed looks through the cupboards)
Jed: Granny, where are you hidin' them jugs? (edit) Granny: Jed, Jed, come a runnin' I found him! Come quick!
(Granny gets hit by double doors that the chimp closes and uncloses and Granny staggers. Jed quickly comes down the stairs)
Granny: Jed! Jed, I seen him again, the giant jackrabbit.
Jed: I bet you did.
Granny: He's right out front! C'mon, I'll show him to ya!
Jed: Granny, you better lay down a spell.
Granny: No! No! He'll get away again!
Jed: Alright. I'll take a look.
(Granny comes outside staggering)
Granny: Do you see him, Jed? I lost my glasses. But he must be out there somewhere.
Jed: Well yeah, yeah. I see him.
Granny: Is he out on the lawn eatin' clover?
Jed: Great big old pink jack rabbit.
Granny: Pink?!
Jed: Now don't get upset, there's other colors too. There's a blue one, there's a green one, and here comes one with purple polka dots.
Granny: Ooh, I wish I could see em.
Jed: What's that you say, Mr. Jackrabbit? Alright, I'll tell her. He says he thinks you oughtta go in and lay down.
Granny: Yeah, I think I better had Jed. (edit) Granny: I busted my head running into them curtains!
Jed: (lifting the curtain up a bit) Yeah, sure. Uh, they'll do it all right. (edit) Granny: C'mon, you can see fer yourself. He can jump over this house I tell ya in one hop!
Jed: Where abouts is he?
Granny: I don't know. But sure as I live and breathe, he was settin' right there, five foot tall and lookin' me in the eye.
Jed: Five foot tall settin', was he?
Granny: Yes, he was! Where did that jackrabbit go?
Jed: Well, uh, why don't cha look out front? Maybe he hopped over the house just like you said.
Granny: You think I'm talking nonsense, but you'll see, cause I'll find him!
Elly: What's all the shoutin' about, Granny?
Granny: Nothing!! Don't tell her, Jed. I don't want her makin' a pet out of all of that meat. Elly, go in the kitchen and get out my biggest pot. And start peelin' taters. Lots of em! (calling) Here jack! Here jack! Here jack!
Elly: Who's Jack, Pa?
Jed: Never mind Elly. Just try to keep your critters from persterin' Granny. They got her so upset, she got into jug and now she's seein' visions.
Elly: What kind of visions?
Jed: Well, I reckon it's alright to tell ya. Granny thinks she's seen a five foot jackrabbit. (edit) Granny: Now you hold on, Jed Clampett! I tell you, I ain't touched a drop. And there is a giant jackrabbit out in our backyard, and it is this high.
Jed: Granny, you and me has seen some good size jacks in our day but not five foot tall.
Granny: Jed, there's a lot of things we've never seen back home that we is seein' out here. (she points to the chimp at the piano) And that's one of them: A piano-playin', ice-box opener, paw-paw pilfered ape. (edit) Granny: Now are you gonna come peaceable or do I have to take you by force? (edit)

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