The Colbert Report: Evan Osnos

Air Date

Monday July 30, 2007

Production Code

3097

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• The Word: Solidarity [edit]

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• Stephen: …and it is the subject of tonight’s Word: Solidarity. According to the Washington Post, the United Brotherhood of Carpenters and Joiners of America is manning the picket lines by quote: “…hiring homeless to get their message across.” Great idea! After all, everyone stops to read what it says on a homeless guy’s sign. (“Will be ignored for food”) One Union spokesman called it a “…shift in the paradigm of picketing.” I for one can’t think when there’s been a bigger shift. (Discovery of “Hey, hey, ho, ho!”) But folks, believe it or not, other unions are resisting the change. A United Steelworkers of America spokesman says having non-union members out picketing doesn’t paint a sympathetic picture to the public. (Especially if Painters Union is also on strike) But the Carpenters had to do something, they’re picketing as many as eight construction sites at once and their own members can’t march because that would take all day, I mean, they would miss work. (Building monument to irony) Using the homeless to picket on behalf of the fully employed is a brilliant solution and one deserving the greatest compliment I can bestow. United Brotherhood of Carpenters and Joiners of America, you gentlemen are management material. (And thus ineligible for overtime)
  
  Only management could get people to protest low wages with no benefits by paying them low wages with no benefits. But as management please remember there are certain things you’ve got to keep an eye on. For instance, those low wage no benefit guys you’ve go marching for you? They’re spending a lot of time together, milling around, talking. You know what that leads to. (Domestic partnerships?) A union. You have to crush them, you don’t want your picketers organizing because then you’d have to hire non-union replacement picketers and the picketer’s union will send picketers to picket the picketers. (Don’t picket, you’ll make it worse) So stay vigilant Carpenters Union, now that you’re management as well, you’ve got twice the responsibility. You’re not just part of the solution, you’re also part of the problem. (Solidarity)
  
  And that’s the Word.
  [edit]
• Stephen: The US is getting pollution from China. It's mostly bootleg versions of our own pollution. [edit]

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