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Opening Credits: The Critic is spelled out over New York City.

Jay welcomes us to "Coming Attractions." A light falls on Jay's head and he explains that the set has been converted to a beach because he is reviewing the summer's hottest movies. Jay then explains that he is prohibited from public beaches until he loses 20 pounds. The director calls cut and the stage crew pick up the broken light.

Jay's make-up woman comes over and applies a bit of make-up which causes Jay's face to become thinner and more attractive. Jay is shocked by his appearance, but then shakes his face back to its normal size. Jay makes his move on the makeup woman but is again shot down.

Jay reviews Mission Impossible: II. In the paorody, Tom Cruise's character is indestructable. Jay hated the movie. He then goes on the review a movie he loved, Gladiator. Jay loved the movie so much he fears he may be gay, so he thinks about Heather Grahm. Before Jay can criticize Gone in 60 Seconds, Arnold Schwarzenegger shows up and starts kicking sand in Jay's face.

Arnold refuses to leave until Jay says something nice about one of his films. After Jay makes a witty insult, Arnold picks him up and swirls him over his head. Jay closes the show by asking the viewers to turn in next week for "Almost Famous: The Jon Lovitz Story."

End Credits