Writer:	Lowell Ganz, Mark Rothman
Director:	Frank Buxton
Star:	Tony Randall (Felix Unger),  Jack Klugman (Oscar Madison)
Recurring Role:	Al Molinaro (Murray Greshler)
Guest Star:	Alice James (Mildred Unger),  Beatrice Colen (Ivy [Secretary]),  Jack Collins (Albert [Zebra]),  William Redfield (Floyd Unger)

The secretary's name appears to have been changed during production. She's credited as "Ivy" in the end titles, but Felix clearly calls her "Dixie." (edit)

Felix: You must have missed me plenty.
Oscar: Well, just in a little way. You know, the way you used to trim my lamb chops, and the way you used to mark my TV Guides for the shows I should watch. (lights go out) The way you paid the electric bill. (edit) Dixie: Last month, one of the vats in the factory blew up.
Felix: Really??? Anybody hurt?
Dixie: No, but there was gum everywhere. Four of the workers had to have their heads shaved. (edit) Felix: Today, I shot an entire layout for baby food. One kid spit up strained beets all over my camera. Another one was teething on my arm. From now on, I'm going to use midgets!
Oscar: Oh, come on, willya?
Felix: I'm exhausted.
Oscar: (notices Felix's stocking feet) Felix, what happened?
Felix: I fell asleep on the subway. Somebody stole my shoes. (edit) Floyd Unger: (showing wallet pictures) Here's my big girl, Alice. Here's my big boy, Bobby. There's big Alice and big Bobby. There's my little girl, Sharon. Here's big Alice and big Bobby and little Sharon. Here's my little boy, David. There's Sharon and David.
Oscar: You don't have every combination.
Floyd Unger: Well, of course I do! They're in my other wallet. (edit) Oscar: After all, you put up with my cousin Freddie.
Felix: Freddie was alright. If you like a man who carves his roast with a switchblade. And those calls in the middle of the night.
Oscar: So he got a few calls.
Felix: From the street??? "Hey, Freddie! Come on out!" (edit)

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