Mr. Mist comes home from a hard day at work and Mrs. Mist gets him a martini. "Honey, I'm worried about Mist Jr. He was playing with his project today..."

"Bridgeville?"

"That's right. And he was following that procedure Kang and Kodos taught us in '60. Flood the town with mist, stop a few of their machines, and radios, and telephones, and lawnmowers, throw them into darkness for a few days and then, sit back and watch the pattern."

"Yup, works every time. Although I liked the Shatner touch I used in Haven. Talk about terrifying! Anyway...?"


"Well, he's got the cheap CGI down, and did a few deaths to enhance things. They don't make sense, but what do you expect? However, the project is supposed to teach Junior how to turn humans into psychopaths and tear each other apart. And then he'll be ready when he goes into the family business. But there's a problem with Bridgeville."

"What's that?"

"Well, they're already psychopaths. I think it's hard for Mist Jr. to tell if his procedure is working when he can't tell the difference between what the people were, and what they've become. If they were sociopaths before, how does he tell if he's turned them into sociopaths now?"

"Hmm. Good point. I'll take a look at his Bridgeville project over the weekend and see if he can use a hand. Maybe that Trelane kid got into it again."

"Sounds good, honey. Oh, and dear..."

"Yes?"

"Whatever happened to those aliens in '60? Why didn't their invasion fleet ever get here and take over Earth?


Mr. Mist shrugged. "Budget cuts."

-----

Okay, it probably goes something like that.

Anyhoo, "The Law of Nature" seems to go out of its way to make everyone on the show unlikable. I have no idea who we're supposed to root for. I guess Kevin is the protagonist. And admittedly, he's the least unlikable character this week. But that's mostly because he doesn't do much. He honks the horn, picks up Vic (remember him?), makes an asinine promise to a teenager, and gets shot in the face. Sadly, that's an improvement over previous weeks.

So let's look at our cast of characters.

Eve: She's decided that Jay is guilty of raping Alex, and locks him up in a storage room with the help of her newfound buddy Kimi. But she was thoughtful enough to leave him a couple of magazines. It seems a pretty lame plan: how long was she going to wait until he showed up? Eve also seems to have locked Jay up in the room with their water supply. Not the sharpest thinking in the world, there.


Alex: She's skating with Jay, which of course is the kind of thing you do in a Mistopocalypse. And it's creepy enough that she's skating with a guy who possibly raped her. But let's figure Alex magically knows that Jay isn't her rapist. a) She seems to have gotten over the trauma of date-rape in record time, and b) she seems unconcerned about the real rapist. Even if Jay didn't rape her (spoiler: he didn't), shouldn't she be concerned that the real rapist is out there, wandering free and untouched and possibly lurking in the shadows waiting for her to go off on her own?

Shelley: A minor character, but still a good representation. She goes from grief-stricken mother to hardcore blackmailer on the turn of a dime. One minute she's lighting candles at her daughter's shrine or memorial or whatever it is. The next she's telling Gus that she knows Alex didn't do anything and just tried to burn her to death for shits and giggles, and oh, by the way, she just happened to see his secret stash of food and she's going to blackmail him. Shelley doesn't even ask for anything: she just plans to tell the Group B mall survivors that Gus has been hoarding food. That's kind of harsh for a guy who you just agreed with, that you're been turning people against Alex, after he called you on it.


Gus: The mall manager is hoarding food and spends a lot of time hanging out in his office. He's the relatively likeable voice of reason. But then Shelley finds out about his hidden food and goes to tell the others. So Gus bashes in her head and then strangles her to make sure she's dead. Then he blames it on Alex. Which I suppose would be "ironic" to say Alex is a bad person when she isn't, since the person he just killed has been saying the same thing. But instead of anything approaching that kind of irony, we get sad music played over the end credits.

Meanwhile, at the church...

Connor: We hear more about his dead wife. And how he tried to raise Jay as a single father but figures that he failed. Connor still assumes that Jay is guilty of raping Alex: thanks, Dad!. And how he hated the late Romanov because Priest Bulldog said something that Connor construed as blaming Connor for not having enough faith. Connor then joins up with Nathalie and two other nameless church people after Nathalie holds his hand and lays her "law of Nature" spiel on him.

Nathalie: Frances Conroy has gone from mildly creepy but likeable, to full-blown "Mrs. Carmody from the novella" psycho. She threatens the church people when they ask a few questions. She convinces Connor that his son is the cause of the Mist. She convinces Connor that they should go to the mall and kill Connor's only son so that the Mist will get happy and go away. When all but two of the church people say that they're going to wait it out in the church, Nathalie decides to lock the doors and burn down the church with Connor's help. That's... psycho. It's almost like an indictment of hippies and vegans and nature-lovers. While King's novella was an indictment of religion. That's assuming that The Mist series is coherent enough to indict anything.


And finally, we have Kevin's group which have stopped at Adrian's house. I've already talked about Kevin. But as for the rest.

Jonah and Mia: They're searching the garage for gas, and decide to have sex in back of the Grafs' car. Which may or may not be a Buick 8. Because, when you've known someone for a couple of days, that's what you do during a Mistopocalypse: have sex in a stranger's garage while looking for gasoline. It's mildly creepy, which Jonah and the writers point out when he says that he could have a wife but his amnesia means that he doesn't remember her. So it's okay for Jonah to cheat on her if he doesn't remember? Not to mention Mia just went through 24 hours of detox and then apparently left without a shower. Phew!


These two characters have totally failed to connect with me in any way, shape, or form. They're not even involved in the main plot, which seems to be that Jay may or may not have raped Alex, which means he may or may not be responsible for the Mist coming back. And Nathalie and Connor want him dead. Although why does Nathalie want Jay dead and the Mist gone, when she's pretty much the head honcho because of it?

Vic: Remember how he got exiled from the mall a few episodes ago? Well, he's alive and well and seemingly as Mist-proof as Alex. Kevin sees him and picks him up, and Vic helpfully tells him where Alex and Eve are.

And finally, we have... Adrian. And, oh, my brothers, if you were worried that the show was going to skip the whole small-town close-mindedness against homosexuality, "The Law of Nature" is the episode for you. Adrian gets home and discovers that his mother Sandy is dead, her eyes torn out by Mist birds (off-screen, and a few days earlier). Adrian's father Duncan Graf (of the clan McGraf?) is sitting in the dark eating franks and beans by candlelight.


It isn't long before Duncan lays out the whole "You're not a man, you're a freak" speech on Adrian. And so Adrian pretty much admits that he raped Alex. Like, duh, having Alex getting smoochie-faced with her rapist would have been too creepy even for The Mist. And Adrian was literally the only other suspect.

And then, Adrian grabs a shotgun and kills Abusive Daddy. And then grabs a knife, cuts himself (the wrong way, if Kevin were any kind of an observant fellow), and when Kevin comes in, claims that he shot Duncan in self-defense. However, when Kevin goes to get some antibiotics, he finds Sandy's Valium-ish drug in the medicine cabinet and (I think) realizes that it was the same stuff that was used to roofie Alex before her rape. Kevin concludes that Alex is his daughter's rapist, and Adrian has earlier made Kevin blanket-promise that the Copelands would take him in. Because that always turns out well. The elder Copeland has second thoughts about that one, and so Adrian orders him down on his knees. They struggle for the shotgun and Kevin apparently gets shot in the face. Adrian runs out to the car and tells the others that Duncan shot Kevin in the head, and they're both dead. And they should go to the mall and rescue Alex and Eve.


So now everyone is heading to the mall, where there will apparently be a convention of sociopaths. As I noted, it's kind of disturbing when the person we're rooting for is Kevin. Who you can bet only took a head-graze from a shotgun blast (??) and will make his way to the mall and join in the fun.

We still know nothing about the Mist, and it doesn't even kill anyone on-screen this week. People are probably acting worse, but it's hard to tell because we don't know where they started off. We still know next to nothing about Jonah or Mia. We don't really know anything about Nathalie pre-Mist that would lead us to believe she'd turn into a church-burning Mist/Nature-worshipper this week. We find out that Adrian is a psycho homosexual, so yay Hollywood stereotypes from the last couple of decades! If he was driven to it by his abusive father, turned around, and killed the guy, that's one thing. But he raped Alex. I feel like Xxx and the bots on MST3K, booing whenever someone hits a woman. It's just tacky, folks.

So The Mist stumbles on. Everyone is nuts, and the Mist brings out the worst in people, literally and figuratively. Thin veneer of civilization, yada yada. It's as shallow as an inflatable kiddie pool.

But that's just my opinion, I could be wrong. What do you think?

-----

Hey, they showed an ad for the new It movie. Talk about tossing pearls before swine. Hint: don't show how bad your Stephen King adaptation is by running an ad during it for a good one. It has more talent and decent screenwriting in one finger than the entire Mist creative team does in all of its hands. Then again, the It people Actually. Followed. The. Original. Story.

-----

Yeah, the Shatner/Haven thing is easy. But folks realize that The Mist was shot in Nova Scotia, right? The same place (and with some of the same minor crew and actors) that Haven was.
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