Ahhhhhhhhhhhh now that’s the stuff. Wynonna and the team are back, more kick-ass, quippy, and emotionally damaged than ever. AND IT FEELS SO RIGHT. It was a long wait for you guys, and I’m honestly impressed you were able to endure it. I myself just hopped aboard the Earp train (I recently recapped Season 1 and season 2), and I don’t plan on hopping off any time soon. I mean… it’s SATURDAY, and I’m writing a recap instead of spending time with all those friends I definitely have, and all those social engagements I am definitely invited to… definitely. That’s how hard this show has snagged me.

A lot was established in Blood Red and Going Down to set up the season, and whoooooooodoggy, is it ever going to be a romp. Doc is old pals with a sexy vampire! Haught is a survivor of a cult massacre! Mama Earp is in prison! Sheriff Nedley is still the cutest! Love triangle still on! Bulshar has a face!

Our leads, and I do mean all of them. are dealing with some pretty heavy stuff after the events of the previous season(s), and I’m glad the show didn’t sweep it under the rug. These characters have feelings. They are about each other, and if you read my season 1 and season 2 recap, you know that’s my favourite part of this series (that, and Jeremy). This isn’t just a kickass show about monsters and sass, it’s a show about relationships, and what these people mean to each other. And you can see the love with every glance, every touch, and every joke. Which is what makes their pain that much more heartbreaking. If one of them is in pain, all of them are.

Okay I’m done gushing, JEEZ! Let’s photo recap!


This show gave us everything we’ve been waiting for, all before the opening credits. Wynonna kicking Revenant ass, Dolls being dreamy, WayHaught shooting guns and making eyes, JEREMY EXISTING, Doc sharpshooting, a hilarious team-walk where Wynonna trips… *happy sigh*.



AND THEN!



HAHAHAHAHAAAAAMAZINGGGG! Vampires! You guys, the first side-villain of the season was VAMPIRES, and it was fun and hilarious and different than most other vampire stories out there. There were no cheesy speed-moves, no gratuitous shots of neck-feeding, no sparkling romance (sorry Jeremy). It was just some strange, hypnotic, sexy-fogged fun, and I don’t know about you guys, but I was having a good time.

The morning after brought us a sweet #WayHaught moment, and a sad #WyDoc moment (see guys, I learned the shipper names!!!) that were both beautiful in their own ways. But then Officer Haught got a call from The Plot, and off they went!



Hot Cop informed them that this kind of thing has been done before by the Cult of Bulshar (DUN DUN DUNNNNNNN), which means the MAIN antagonist is stepping up his game.








This fellow very rudely wiped his bloody hand on a very specific flier, then vamoosed.

Meanwhile, Nicole was upset about all the cult-death (fair enough, girl!), so Waverly took her to the bathroom where they met a new friend.



WayHaught was glamored by this very cool vampire, and it was ADORABLE. Honestly, this show is very funny. You people don’t even need me.


Doc’s amusement over Jeremy’s antics is ALL OF US. They spoke about how Doc is sad now (*frown*), and then the bar filled with some, and I quote, “sexy fog”.


Doc got lassoed out of there (LOL), while Jeremy fell under the spell of a handsome vampire. (Read that sentence again, and you’ll know a little of why I love this damn show)



Then we were treated (and I really mean TREATED) to our first glimpse of Megan Follows as Mama Earp.



We learned so much!! Mama knows about Bulshar because a voice whispers to her about it (WHAT??? I LOVE IT), and also that she’s a little unhinged and does NOT want to talk about it, and that my crush on Megan Follows will never, ever die. This was so delightful that I'm not even going to question why she was meditating in the woods the last time we saw her, even though she’s been incarcerated for years. Don’t even care. This was awesome.



This vampire-lady was very into the idea of turning Doc so that he could join their vampire little league team, but first he had to prove that he was in fact Doc Holliday, by… not dying… while being electrocuted? Hahahaha, I like her style.

Wynonna tried to get her mom’s medical records to see why she seemed more wackadoo than she should, but the warden fellow was VERY RUDE, until Dreamy Dolls stepped in and was all, “you seeing how dreamy I am?”

This was funny because Black Badge isn’t a thing anymore, so I’m not sure those badges they keep flashing actually mean anything, but hey, if it gets the job done!



Dolls has got it SO BAD for our girl, and honestly, who wouldn’t.


Doc knows the sexy vampire because of course he does!! And she wasn’t necessarily recruiting him as she was exacting revenge/saving him maybe? Whatever she was doing, I’m ABOUT IT. Is she going to be on the team? Is the team getting a vampire? Please let the team keep her! Please!

Wynonna returned home to a vampire in the barn and a team chalk-full of vampire lackies who knocked her out, dressed her up and put her in a coffin. *happy sigh*




Then the head vampire guy gave a the kind of speech you’d find from your favourite uncle at your 2nd cousin’s wedding, about how the original families from the town are going to sacrificed to Bulshar, and everyone else will be food.



I cannot say this enough - this vampire storyline was hilarious in all the right ways.



AIN’T NOBODY GONNA GLAMOR DOLLS, MOTHER FRIDGERS! Because he’s a dragon-lizard-demon, the vampire charm didn’t work on him, so he was able to get Wynonna out of the coffin, and they bonded over some stake-making.


Wynonna and Dolls crashed the party (literally… through the window), killed the lady controlling Waverly and Nicole, and then they all got to killin’ some vampires like it was an actual planned party game. It honestly looked like so much fun that it made me want to risk my life in a room full of vampires just so I could participate and I’m not lonely, YOU’RE LONELY, I have so many friends in real life!

*ahem*


“I will not get ate while being tied to a stripper pole.” If I had a nickel for every time I muttered those words, I would have no money because no one has ever said that, and it is hilarious. Anyway, he got free and chased after Contessa, our newest sexy mystery.



Doc was all, “stay girl, let’s chat, we’ll have some tea and reminisce, explore this obvious sexual tension we’ve got going on…” (I’m paraphrasing) But she scampered off anyway! We’ll see her again, right? Please tell me we’ll see her again.

Doc joined the party just in time to kill the last vampire that I guess everyone else was just ignoring, and they found the Vampire Captain hiding under a sheet (LOL FOREVER).


So Wynonna sent him back to Bulshar with a message.








Balshar has a face! And it is scary and also very handsome!! Remember when he was a bloated demon hand reaching out of a coffin? I’m very glad that wasn't a permanent condition. He must have spent HOURS with some awesome moisturizer.

Anyway, he made the vampire eat what looked like a huge chestnut, but was probably not a huge chestnut. I’m sure it’s fine.

Then, in a beautiful scene I can’t bring myself to put my weirdo comments all over, Wynonna and Doc cheersed to their daughter and then smooched.


Nicole is a cult of Bulshar survivor! EEEEIIIIEIIEIEIEIIEIEEEEEE I like this development. I like it a lot. It’s about time we’re getting into her backstory!

Then Dolls sold Wynonna out about her secret, and basically forced her to tell the truth to Waverly about their mom (jeez, man!). However, before she could tell her everything, the truck crashed, and Waverly was dragged away!



Now THAT is how you begin a season!! Man oh man, that was a fun ride. How are you guys doing? On a scale of 1 to “HOW MANY HOURS UNTIL EPISODE 2???” how excited are you that Wynonna Earp is back?

I did a whole big heartfelt rant in my season 2 recap about how important this show is, so I won’t do it again. I won’t. You know how great it is, or you wouldn’t be reading this. So I won’t even- IT’S SO IMPORTANT! *whew* oh man, that wouldn’t stay inside me, it had to come out. You know all the reasons why, so I won’t list th- REPRESENTATION, FEMINISM, THE PORTRAYAL OF PLATONIC FRIENDSHIPS, CAPABLE CHARACTERS WITH AGENCY *clamps hands over mouth* Okay, I’m done, I’M DONE.  I’m just so happy and thankful to everyone involved in bringing this show to life, and I am very pumped it’s back.

Very pumped.

SOME STUFF:

  • - Being a new Earper, this is first time I’ve had to wait a week for the next episode, and let me tell ya, I’m not happy about it.

  • - “I really do miss the days when you could shoot a man just for laughing at ya.” Doc, I mean this with the utmost sincerity - never change.

  • - The car crash scene was AMAZING. Well done, director. *tips hat*

  • - I am in love with all of these characters, but Jeremy is still my favourite, and I don’t see that changing any time soon.

  • - Do you think there are bits of food stuck in Doc’s moustache? Any time he kisses anyone, it’s ALL I can think about. Speaking of moustaches... Jeremy's is hilarious, but Dolls... Dolls, what are you doing? You're upsetting me. 

  • - Did this episode make you kind of wish your town would be invaded by super fun vampires with sexy mist?

  • - There were a lot of great things about this episode, but Wynonna’s crimped hair wins.

  • - I won’t be recapping each week. A project has come up (to be announced soon!), which means I won’t have the time to devote to recapping. At least, not enough time to make it good, which is what this show deserves. HOWEVER, I love Wynonna Earp and I won’t be disappearing. At the very least I’ll recap the season finale, so you’ll have some ridiculous season photo-recap book-ends. But like I said before, this show is so funny already, you don’t need me! 
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Jul 29, 2018
Cracking recap. Funny, relevant and concise, exactly as a recap should be... and full of emotion, exactly as life should be. This was a great start to the season. Loving the sexy vamps. I was hoping there would be some way for Rosita to re-join the gang, but I guess there's time yet Also, anyone else suspect Bobo was the one dragging Waverly from the crash? I'm glad Waverly was never half/revenant and that they haven't made her supernatural in any way. As I see it, she's our Xander, our heart, if they superpower her we'll lose that human conection to the group. Anyway, hope your new project goes great.
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Jul 22, 2018
I don't know how anyone can add any more "funny" to this show, but somehow you managed. Great job! Thank you, and I'm sorry you won't be photo recapping each episode, but I hope your new project is a doozy! Good luck!
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Jul 22, 2018
Thank you! :)
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