Writer:	Lee Aronsohn, Mark Roberts (X), Chuck Lorre, Eddie Gorodetsky
Director:	Ted Wass
Star:	Conchata Ferrell (Berta),  Charlie Sheen (Charlie Harper),  Jon Cryer (Alan Harper),  Angus T. Jones (Jake Harper)
Guest Star:	Kris Iyer (Dr. Pranjeep),  Brian Turk (Mike),  Monica Young (Julie)

When Charlie, Alan and Jake are walking to the bus stop, behind them is the house used for the television series Bewitched. (edit)

Alan: I hope [Jake] didn't wander under the bleachers during lunch hour.
Charlie: Ah, he's smarter than that.
Alan: Smart? Charlie, he only got out of 6^th grade because he couldn't fit in the desks anymore. (edit) Charlie: Face it, Alan. When the good Lord was handing out courage, you were crouched in a locker, peein' on your gym socks. (edit) (holds up a camera)
Alan: Smile.
Jake: About what?
Alan: I need a current picture in case you go missing.
Charlie: Alan, you're being ridiculous, they never find those kids. (edit) Alan: Oh, I almost forgot, I got you a little present: your very own cellphone.
Jake: Ah, cool!
Alan: Now, the important thing to remember is that this is not a toy. It's to use in emergencies only.
Jake: "Emergenies?" What emergencies?
Charlie: (whispering) "Dad, come get me. I'm stuffed in my locker and my underwear is wet."
Alan: That only happened once. (edit) Alan: You'll see things will go great for you. You just have to remember a few things.
Jake: Like what?
Alan: Well, er, always keep your lunch money in your shoe, but have some spare change in your pocket.
Jake: How come?
Alan: Decoy money. They won't stop hitting you til they get something.
Jake: Who are "they"?
Alan: The big kids holding you by the ankles and plunging your head into the toilet.
Jake: Plunging my head into the toilet?!
Charlie: Don't freak the kid out, Alan. It's not so much "plunging" as "dipping".
(edit)

Jake acts like he never had a cell phone before. Yet, he had one in "Once With Aunt Sophie". (edit) We learn Alan's ringtone is Für Elise by Ludwing von Beethoven. (edit) Alan says the title Large Birds, Spiders and Mom in this episode. (edit)

This episode does not have any allusions. Add some now!