Italian Boy's Confession.....


"Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose woman."


The priest asks, "Is that you, little Johnny Parisi?"


"Yes, Father, it is."


"And who was the woman you were with?"


"I can't tell you, Father, I don't want to ruin her reputation."


"Well, Johnny, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later, so you may
as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?"


"I cannot say."


"Was it Teresa Volpe?"


"I'll never tell."


"Was it Nina Capelli?"


"I'm sorry, but I cannot name her."


"Was it Cathy Piriano?"


"My lips are sealed."


"Was it Rosa Di Angelo, then?"

"Please, Father, I cannot tell you."


The priest sighs in frustration. "You're very tight lipped, Johnny Parisi,
and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an
altar boy now for 4months. Now you go and behave yourself."


Johnny walks back to his pew, and his friend Nino slides over and
whispers, "What'd you get?"


"Four months vacation and five good leads

Hi, I will be only home on the weekends because I have weekly business trips out of the area. I will check my que at that time and try very hard to start doing weekly blogs to get back in touch with all of you. As was my old tradition, I will try hard to find fun things to share with you all and here it goes:

16 THINGS THAT IT TOOK ME OVER 50 YEARS TO LEARN:
by Dave Barry, Nationally Syndicated Columnist

1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved and never will achieve its full potential, that word would be "meetings."

3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

5. You should not confuse your career with your life.

6. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

7. Never lick a steak knife.

8. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.

9. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.

10. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

11. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.

12. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above-average drivers.

13. A person who is nice to you but rude to a waiter is not a nice person (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)

14. Your friends love you anyway.

15. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

16. Men are like fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it's up to the women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn in t o some thing acceptable to have dinner with.

Have a wonderful week,

Ann

I have been coming on line several times a week to check on my queue and make sure I was not an absent editor. I do occasionally have time to read a few of your blogs. I would love to have some let me know what I have missed over the last many months.

I have always felt that if I was in too difficult a space to be positive on line, I needed to keep things off the internet and get my support in other places.

Every time I thought things had turned a corner, something bad happened again. It has been one of the hardest years of my life both personally and medically. The medical things, I can share. The personal ones I will remain fairly quiet. It is not that I did not trust you all. It is not that I did not need your support. It is that this is too public of a forum to voice all the issues.

Medically last February I woke up one morning and the material in front of my left retina had detached. All medical interventions for the last 8 months have not been successful. The eye corrected is not able to pass a driving test. I do have a good team of Doctors attempting interventions to save as much vision as possible. It is legal to drive with one good eye.

March came and more medical issues developed. My mammogram came back with abnormal findings. This situation has still not been resolved but I do have a good team of doctors at Stanford.

I wish I had the support of a loving husband but my husband has decided that he needs to be free and single. I have gone through the medical issues without his support. I can not in this forum say more about this topic.

So, I came on line today to find 40+ submissions in my que by one person. All of them poorly written. I revised a few and accepted them..... them check the person's profile and saw a level 7 and more rejections than acceptance. I wrote notes on many rejects stating why I needed to reject them. Gosh, it too me two hours. Usually with my guides, I have few 1 to 5 submissions. Usually, well written and appropriate. What a mess! I know it is not a normal situation because since I have been on line I have never had that many poorly written items. I know others who have more popular guides do get this problem.

I have missed all of you. I do think of you often. Have a good day.

Oh, you all need a joke right?

Believe it or not this is a real 911 call....

Dispatcher: 9-1-1 what is the your emergency?

Caller: I heard what a sounded like gunshots coming from the brown house on the corner.

Dispatcher: Do you have an address?

Your friend,

Ann

Why?

Do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are almost dead?

Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough money?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?

If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their
vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?

How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?

When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, "It's all right?" Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, "That hurt, you idiot?"

Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

And my FAVORITE......The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you.

I've done my job,

Ann