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Tonight Show Jokes (no date)

These are the old ones... (no date)

According to the latest approval ratings, only 39% of Americans like the job President Bush is doing. 39%. And of course, the white house, they're jumping on this 39% thing. They're now calling Bush the president who represents minorities.

In New Orleans, they welcomed the first baby born in a hospital since Hurricane Katrina. How about that? They named the baby FEMA because it finally showed up after nine months.

They had a riot in Toledo, Ohio, and a group of Neo-Nazis held a march in a predominantly black neighborhood. Well, what could go wrong there? Gee, there's a good idea.

Before Social Security, Americans have to keep working long after they were past retirement age - kinda like the way Cher has to now.

President Bush said the job of the Supreme Court is extremely important, because as you know these are the people who choose the President of the United States.
Category: TV
Posted by foolishtv, 05/24/2008 10:03pm  0 Comments
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TV Fall Status

See here...

Posted by foolishtv, 05/17/2006 7:58am  0 Comments
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TV Quote of the Day - Feb 1, 2006

From Jay Leno:

One of the big topics tonight of the [State of the Union] speech was all the new jobs that have been created. A lot of new jobs have been created. I mean, they're all in India.

Everybody's still talking about Kobe Bryant with that 81 points. Kobe was asked if this will hurt his relationship with the other Lakers, and Kobe said, "There are other Lakers?"

NBC has canceled its new show "the Book of Daniel" after only two episodes. That shows you how bad this network is. We bring in Jesus, even he can't save the network.

The city of Detroit, where the super bowl is going to be, announced they're going to be handing out free tickets to people who would never have the chance to see the game. You know, like the Detroit Lions.

According to "Prevention Magazine," overweight people are 22 times more likely to report having sexual problems. Which is shocking. I didn't even know you were supposed to report it.

Quote of the Day Archive
Posted by foolishtv, 02/01/2006 7:25pm  1 Comments
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Who Am I?

Current Role: Sitting at the right hand of God, preparing a place for his chosen ones.
Birthplace: Bethlehem, Israel
Birthday: 12/25 4B.C. * (celebrated date, not actual)



Lord will come like a thief in the night, gloriously appearing.



Jesus is God Jesus said, "I and the Father are one" (John 10:30). That means He claimed to be nothing less than God in human flesh.



Jesus is Holy God is absolutely and perfectly holy (Isaiah 6:3), therefore He cannot commit or approve of evil (James 1:13). As God, Jesus embodied every element of God's character. Colossians 2:9 says, "In Him all the fulness of Deity dwells in bodily form." He was perfectly holy (Hebrews 4:15).



Jesus is the Savior Jesus is the only one who can forgive and transform us, thereby delivering us from the power and penalty of sin: "There is salvation in no one else; for there is no other name under heaven that has been given among men, by which we must be saved" (Acts 4:12).



Jesus is the Savior Jesus is the only one who can forgive and transform us, thereby delivering us from the power and penalty of sin: "There is salvation in no one else; for there is no other name under heaven that has been given among men, by which we must be saved" (Acts 4:12).



Jesus is Lord Romans 10:9 says, "If you confess with your mouth Jesus as Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you shall be saved." Confessing Jesus as Lord means humbly submitting to His authority (Philippians 2:10-11).



Jesus is the Judge All who reject Jesus as their Lord and Savior will one day face Him as their Judge: "God is now declaring to men that all everywhere should repent, because He has fixed a day in which He will judge the world in righteousness through a Man whom He has appointed, having furnished proof to all men by raising Him from the dead" (Acts 17:30-31).



We pray to the Father God in His name.





Jesus Is Coming Soon.





appeared to Mary Magdalene; first appearance after his resurrection; appeared to his disciples and other followers, later seen by seen by 500 believers, and at last, to Paul (then Saul) on the road to Damascus.



Jesus: I am the way, and the truth, and the life; no one comes to the Father, but through Me. (John 14:6)





You can shut Him up for a fool, you can spit at Him and kill Him as a demon; or you can fall at His feet and call Him Lord and God. But let us not come up with any patronizing nonsense about His being a great human teacher. He has not left that open to us. He did not intend to.

C.S. Lewis
Posted by foolishtv, 11/21/2005 9:07am  5 Comments
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Update 11/29/05




Rank : The Crazy Neighbor
Level : 17
Percentage : 68% Forum Posts: 101
Increase : 12% Increase : 11

Submissions Show Submission Count
Accepted : 975 (+36) Shows : 17 (-)
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Denied : 23 (+2) Total : 33 (+1)
Total : 1006 (+3

Posted by foolishtv, 11/21/2005 8:54am  1 Comments
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My Recent Reviews

 
9.3 Superb
The Tonight Show with Jay Leno
Adam Sandler; Rosie Perez; John Fogerty
Avg Score: 8.65    Total Ratings: 2    Total Reviews: 1
Kellie Pickler is surprisingly funny. You can't miss the segment on the MTV Movie Awards Red Carpet. And, it seems like people loved her on the Red Carpet. She's quiet a character. I hope she'll be a recurring correspondent.

If you don't know who Kellie Pickler is -- she was one of the American Idol finalists. In the past, several finalists made it as correspondents for various entertainment shows. But Kellie got to be the funniest. It's tough to face all the big people and made jokes on the spot. Jay, please have her back... I'm sure you will.
Report Abuse Posted Jun 9, 2006
7.4 Good
The Screen Savers
Avg Score: 8.64    Total Ratings: 137    Total Reviews: 7
Well, G4 and TechTV merging were not a good cominbation. The Screen Savers is for tech / computer geeks, and G4 is for gamer geeks. And the verdict is gamer 1, tech 0.

When you have a chance, you should see Kevin Rose's podcast -- you can find it online. You may somehow relive the Screen Savers that way.
Report Abuse Posted Nov 2, 2005
8.0 Great
The FBI Files
Flight from Justice: The Story of D.B. Cooper
Avg Score: 9.12    Total Ratings: 4    Total Reviews: 2
You tell people a story, chances are they're going to want to know the ending. In most circumstances, I try to provide updates as soon as possible after the initial columns run. But today I offer an update on a story that ran a few years ago, about a mystery that stretches back to 1971. The story may never have a satisfying ending, but it continues to provide interesting twists: In August 2000, the D.B. Cooper case was exhumed in this column and readers still call and write to ask if the clues we provided have panned out. Back then a Florida woman named Jo Weber called to say she suspected her late husband, Duane Weber, had been D.B. Cooper, the only man who ever hijacked a commercial airliner in this country and got away with it. He also got away with $200,000. It's hard to believe anyone in the Northwest hasn't heard of D.B. Cooper, but for newcomers and young folks, here's a brief history: On Thanksgiving Eve 1971, a man who identified himself to the airline as "Dan Cooper" hijacked Northwest Airlines Flight 305, bound for Seattle.

Dressed all in black and wearing sunglasses, he handed a flight attendant a note that said he had a bomb and wanted $200,000 to not detonate it. The plane landed in Seattle, Cooper was given the money, released the passengers and several of the crew, and directed the pilot to fly to Mexico.

When the plane hit 10,000 feet, in a fierce storm, Cooper put on a parachute, opened the rear door, and jumped.

His identity remains one of the 20th century's greatest mysteries.

Jo Weber has suspected for years she has the answer. Jo, a real estate agent who lives near Pensacola, Fla., contacted me four years ago, shared her suspicions and asked for help reaching people who had seen D.B. Cooper that day in 1971. She wanted them to look at photographs of her late husband, Duane.

Jo said Duane had made a deathbed confession that he was Dan Cooper. (The hijacker never called himself D.B. Cooper -- that name stuck after a reporter misreported the name.)

There were other strange clues, Jo said. In 1994 she'd discovered an old plane ticket from Portland to Seattle in Duane's tax papers. After she asked him about it, the ticket disappeared. And FBI sketches of Cooper resembled Duane.

Duane always had been vague about his past; it was only years after their 1977 marriage that Jo learned Duane had spent time in prison; some of that time was served in a federal penitentiary in Washington state. Duane once told her he'd hurt his knee "jumping out of an airplane." Another time he explained how flares could be made to look like a bomb.

And then there were the tickets and souvenirs from a trip to the Northwest in 1979, when Duane showed Jo around an area north of the Columbia River. He appeared to know it well, Jo said in 2000. At one point, she says, Duane "pointed to a logging road and said, 'That's where D.B. Cooper walked out of the woods.' I said to him, 'How do you know that?' And he says, 'Maybe I was on the ground.' I just took it as a joke."

For a long time, the FBI and others took Jo's theory as a joke. But there were others who thought she should be listened to. Ralph Himmelsbach, who headed the FBI investigation of Cooper from 1971 until his retirement in 1980, told me four years ago that he had had dozens of conversations with Jo and thought Duane was a credible suspect.

A few years ago an FBI agent visited Jo at her home in Florida and spent hours talking to her and examining Duane's possessions. When Jo heard nothing after his visit, she decided to continue her own investigation and contacted me.

After the column ran, a number of folks who had seen, talked to, or been on the flight with D.B. Cooper called and shared their recollections. All agreed to look at photos of Duane, to see if they recognized his face after nearly 30 years.

We were able to locate the agent who'd sold Cooper his ticket, and a man on the flight who'd remained in the cabin with D.B. Cooper after other passengers were moved away. We also located the flight attendant Cooper spoke with; she'd become a nun, and Jo had been looking for her for years.

Still, Jo could not get a conclusive answer.

But this case is not yet closed. The FBI came to Jo last year and asked for items that might provide DNA from Duane, she says.

The FBI will not comment on Jo Weber or the status of the Cooper investigation.

But on Aug. 7 the Discovery Channel will air a documentary titled "Flight From Justice: The Story of D.B. Cooper." Not only will Jo Weber be interviewed on the show, producers say FBI investigators will share their theories on who hijacked that plane nearly 33 years ago.

Some think Cooper died in his jump. A portion of the money -- a bundle of $20 bills -- was found in a Columbia River sandbar near Vancouver in 1980.

But there's another intriguing possibility raised in the show: In 1972 a United Airlines flight from Denver to Los Angeles was hijacked by a man named Richard McCoy Jr. McCoy was a former Vietnam vet and a pilot who extorted $500,000 that day. He later escaped from custody and was killed in a gunbattle with an FBI agent. Was McCoy actually D.B. Cooper, repeating his crime? Or was he a copycat? The documentary promises to reveal new evidence.

Report Abuse Posted Oct 14, 2005
9.5 Superb
Close to Home
Pilot
Avg Score: 8.17    Total Ratings: 109    Total Reviews: 7
Users who disagree: 1
I've been given almost all pilots a try this season and Close to Home is the surprise of all. The pilot was very well done and capturing. With way to much crime drama on TV, although my favorite category, I think it is good to jump around and watch different shows to get some variety. CSI is strong, and I think Close to Home can be promising.
So far, no new shows on NBC worth my time, but among others that win me over:
Prison Break
Reunion
Invasion
Supernatural
Ghost Whisperer
Three Wishes

Still deciding:
Just Legal
Kitchen Confidential
How I Met Your Mother
Night Stalker
Killer Instinct

Dump (never watch again):
E-ring
Out of Practice
My Name Is Earl
Related
Theshold
Report Abuse Posted Oct 6, 2005
6.0 Fair
Bones
Pilot
Avg Score: 8.72    Total Ratings: 750    Total Reviews: 68
Users who agree: 1   
Pluses and minuses

The Good: It's good to see David Boreanaz again. Fans of Boreanaz may help this show last the full season. The episode features some good music, including Howie Day's Collide and Thirteen Senses' Gone.

The Bad: Michaela Conlin's character Angela is a little annoying. The plot is a little weak compared to its competitions -- CSI's and Law & Order. The logics and analysis used to solve the case are not as logical and hard to follow. The show leaves you unsatisfied at the end.

Other than Prison Break, I think all the new pilots so far haven't been strong.
Report Abuse Posted Sep 13, 2005

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foolishtv
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King of Comedy - More than 10 favorite shows, at least 20% of them comedies. Drama King - More than 10 favorite shows, at least 20% dramas. This user has over 20 friends. K.I.T.T. User has submitted news links via the User Link Submission system. Editor for a show guide. Editor for a person guide. Contributite - This user has made at least 1 contribution. Side-kick'n Contributor - This user has made at least 50 contributions. Captain Contributor - This user has made at least 100 contributions. Cosmic Contributor - This user has made at least 500 contributions. Contributor of the Millennium - This user has made at least 1,000 contributions. Master of the Contributions - This user has made at least 2,000 contributions. Contributor Sensei - This user has made at least 5,000 contributions. This user participated in the American Idol Chat on TV.com. This user was a member during the first month of TV.com. This user participated in the Finale Spring Fling Chat. This user has one of the top 1,000 point scores in the community. This user has one of the top 500 point scores in the community.
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Level: 43    Completion: 91.15%
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foolishtv
I love documentaries, news programs, history, and travel shows.
Favorite Shows Include: 24, 30 Rock, 3rd Rock from the Sun, The 4400, Alias

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