After the epic that was “Reckoning” the people at the SGC take some time to reflect on how things are changing and what has happened to Daniel Jackson. While this will most likely go down in history as one the series best (which I agree with) too much of the action in the episode happened off screen undercutting the tension in the last half hour. We should have seen Anubis’ forces take De’kara (or Te’kera or however it is spelt) instead we just had Teal’c and Bra’tc telling us everything. Plus what happened to Ba’al? Did Anubis kill him, is he alive somewhere, and is he the only System Lord left? I hope so because I like the way O’Neill winds him up. Plus if anyone should kill Ba’al it has to be Jack. Some wounds will never heal.

So Sam and Pete are no more. Unlike many I had no problem with Pete, I didn’t hate the guy just because he wasn’t Jack but I kinda knew for the beginning that he and Sam would never make it to the church. Shame really I was hoping for a nice wedding episode maybe we can have one for Jack and Sam if they ever do get together because so far they still just seem to be really close friends. I like that Sam and Pete’s break up was not a mutual event. Poor Pete loves Sam and he seemed genuinely heartbroken that she is leaving him and when people get their hearts broken they often become biter towards the one doing the breaking. Pete may not have lost his temper but the way he walked away and took the SOLD sight away said more than an over the top outburst ever could.

Jacob’s death was unexpected, sudden and the most emotionally moving part of this episode. Both Amanda Tapping and Carmen Argenziano played the scene perfectly without ever falling into soppy sentimentality. Goodbye Jacob, goodbye Selmak you will both be greatly missed.

Despite the love I have for this episode there was one problem that I just can’t let go off. The idea of Jack having a girlfriend is something that should have been addressed earlier. Who was this woman, when did she and Jack start seeing each other. She introduced and written out in next to no time it almost seems like the writers had too many ideas and not enough time to explore them all. Her entire role in this episode was to just make the scene at Jack’s house even more uncomfortable and to give Jack some advice about his feelings for Sam. For someone whose only meet Sam a few times she seemed to know an awful lot about her and Jack, maybe she was psychic. It’s either that or some bad writing because that scene just fell flat due to its complete absurdity of it all. Also the Jaffa are thick they send the main bulk of their fleet to battle Anubis leaving the most powerful weapon in the universe relatively unprotected. I shouldn’t be so hard on the Jaffa after all it was Teal’c and Bra’tc’s idea.

Daniel’s encounter with Owa and the others in deaths waiting room was both frustrating and fascinating in equal measure. For a long time it felt like it was going nowhere with Daniel just wondering around while Owa rattled on about ascension and Jim telling him what Anubis was up to while the “OTHERS” just sat there doing nothing. No wonder the Wraith kicked their collective asses these guys are all dickhead. It was not until we discovered that Oma had helped Anubis ascend that things started to get interesting. Not only that the reason Daniel was not allowed to stop Anubis the first time was because the “OTHERS” are letting Anubis get away with everything to punish her. They have a twisted sense of justice because allowing someone to commit genocide of a galactic scale just to punish one woman’s mistake it pretty harsh. Then we discovered that that nice guy Jim was in fact Anubis, smugly rubbing his near victory in everyone’s faces in a very uncharacteristic moment of glee. Are there two Anubis because Jim seemed nothing like the all powerful System Lord we’d meet in the past he was more vile and petty and about fifty percent more interesting. Shame the character was just starting to get interesting and then he is gone just like that. Oh well at least Ba’al still around. I wonder are Oma and Anubis both dead or are they trapped in some kind of never ending conflict outside or of space or time. We may never know but I bet they both show up sometime next season because this did not feel like the big finish to the Anubis story. In fact we’ve already had the big finish to the Anubis story it was called “The Lost City” and it was great. Why didn’t they just stop there?

The final scene of the episode sums up in one simple shot what this entire show is about. We see our four heroes gathered together possible for the last time enjoying a nice days fishing on a pond that has no fish. Since the very beginning we have followed the adventures of these four characters as they have battled Goa’ulds and Replicators, faced corruption from their own side, befriended many alien cultures and made enemies of others. We’ve seen them find love and loses loved ones, we’ve seen them live and die, watched as they took care of each other when thing got really bad and the share in their relief when the made it trough the day. They are the heart and soul of the show, the glue that holds it all together and now it time to say goodbye to these group of heroes we have come to know and love. They have one more adventure together before the must some of them go their separate ways while the others stay to keep up the good fight. We’ve have been with them during the good, the bad and the extremely average but even that did not stop us sticking with these guys as they faced whatever was on the other side of that gate. But will the show survive without the central dynamic that has lasted seven years (not counting season six where Daniel went AWOL).

Next season it remains unclear how many episodes Richard Dean Anderson will actually appear in. We already know that Amanda Trapping will miss the first five episodes due to her pregnancy and that Ben Browder and Beau Bridges will be joining the cast. So far only it looks like Michael Shanks and Christopher Judge will be the only original cast members to appear in all episodes of season nine. And what if there is a season ten will there be anyone left by then. Not only are the regulars on the move the recurring characters are in short supply as well. In the last two seasons alone we have lost Dr Frasier, almost all of the System Lords and now Jacob Carter. Anubis and Oma seem to be gone somewhere for the time being and Ba’al’s fate remains unsolved, General Hammond has been promoted and now heads Homeworld Security, Kinsey is a Goa’old and is either dead or hiding out on Earth somewhere, Bra’tc is still alive but may not be kicking for much longer, Walter and Siler will probably outlive everyone else and I’m sure we haven’t seen the last of Harry Maybourne.

So as the gang once sang “where do we go from here?”

They gonna have to pull off something special for the season finale cause there is no way in hell they will be able to top this. EPIC. That is they only word that I can think of to describe this episode. While the first part of this story was all exposition, build up, exposition, some build up and, oh, a little bit of exposition this weeks it was action, action and some f**king epic action. From the moment Ba’al’s fleet arrived to take back the temple this episode never let up even for a moment. Two massive fleets engaged in the biggest space battle the show has ever produced, Replicators invade the SGC on overrun the place, the Carters (Sam & Jacob) try desperately to get the Ancient weapon to work (loved Ba’al’s smugness during these scenes “I am a God. Gods are all-knowing”) and Daniel battles with Replicator Carter for the sake of the Galaxy. But where was Anubis?

Who cares I’m sick of him anyway.

Well, the Replicators are finally gone (Yes!!!!) which is something I have mixed feelings about as I was begin to like Replicator Carter. She was a good villain and quite menacing, especially in her scenes with Daniel, but I do think the Replicator storyline was never that strong to begin with and it needed to put to fitting conclusion. I’m still amazed that they managed to keep this story going for almost five seasons but they did and now hopefully it’s all over for good. Maybe now the Asguard can finally get off their lazy little grey butts and help out against Anubis.

Speaking of System Lords Ba’al is quickly turning into my favourite, which isn’t hard since there’s only him and Anubis left. He was easily the best part of this episode whether being smug while helping Jacob or his disgust at the thought that O’Neill could build the disruptor. Apothis never had this much personality neither has Anubis so its finally stratifying that there is now a System Lord who has more than one dimension to their character. Plus I love the way he interacts with the other characters, especially O’Neill.

I must send my compliments to the special effects team who have really outdone themselves with their work in this episode. I thought they had reached their peak with the Antarctic battle in “The Lost City” Part Two but that was nothing compared to the sight of Ba’al’s massive fleet going into battle with the massive Replicator fleet. Cool! If that wasn’t good enough there was the Replicator that fell of the wall when they all froze. It’s like that Stormtrooper hitting his head all over again. Brilliant.

I do have some grumbles though. Firstly no one seemed to give a shit about Daniel until they realised that they might have just killed him. D’oh. How the hell can they dial every gate all at the same time? I thought gates didn’t work like that, and since when did Ba’al get his degree in Gate Tech 101? Anubis has spent most of his life pretending to be a god and now he actually wants to be GOD. Guy has one hell of an ego. How the f**k did Bra’tc and the others get on Ba’al’s ship and to his throne room so quickly? I mean pull the other one. Anyway enough moaning let’s get back to the good stuff.

The Best Bits
-Daniel’s battle with Carter II was great despite it being nothing more but Michael Shanks and Amanda Trapping staring at each other intensely for an hour.

-Jack is in Siler’s will. (“Okay, that’s…weird”)

-Daniel: Gotcha now!

-That Replicator falling off the temple wall.

-Carter: You blow up one sun and everyone expects you to walk on water.

-Jacob: That was just creepy.

-O’Neill: It’s a BLAST door.

-O’Neill: (The Replicators suddenly stop) That’s Odd! (Starts blasting Replicators)

History repeats itself as Jack O’Neill has the entire knowledge of the Ancients downloaded into his head just as Anubis begins his major attack of Earth. SG-1 must rush against time to stop Anubis before the knowledge kills Jack.

The true joy of these two episodes lies in seeing all our heroes (Jack, Sam, Daniel, Teal’c and George) gathered together at Jack’s house sharing a drink and trying to avoid talking about the tragedy that awaits Jack. From a drunken Daniel trying to get Teal’c to explain how deep he is to Jack’s Burns as Goa’uld analogy this one scene was the most heart-warming and perfect Stargate moment I have seen reminding me why I fell in love with this show in the first place. Then the bombshell dropped, Hammond had been relieved of command and the all Stargate activity suspended for the time being. Dr Elizabeth Weir has been appointed by the President as the new head of the SGC in an attempt to put a more media friendly face on the program should it ever go public.

If there were not a spin-off being produced, which would feature Weir as a central character and Don S. Davis departure from the series, I would wonder what was the point of Weir character in this story. She did nothing and I mean absolutely nothing at all for the whole hour and a half. She should up, talked to the president and then to Daniel for a few minutes and then did nothing at all but sit around while everyone else did all of the talking. Sure there was a lot going on but surly the writers could have given her at least one scene to shine, one where she doesn’t talk about being overwhelmed by everything. Since Jessica Steen will be replace for Atlantis maybe the producers decided to cut down her involvement to make it easier to accept a new actress in the part but so far I’m not impressed or interested at all.

While Part 1 may have been all talk and set up to save money for Part 2 I still was not board for a single second. After weeks of cameo appearances Jack O’Neill finally took centre stage bringing many of his trademark clueless expressions and sarcastic remarks (“Mr VICE-President”) yet also showing us a man who has to accept that he might be dead in a few days time. These episode tried to remind us who Jack O’Neill is and why he means so much to everyone he works with. I was surprised that Jack’s ex-wife was brought up even if it was a blink-and-miss-it moment but his sudden refusal to talk about it showed that even all these years later some old wounds still hurt. His feelings for Sam were also addressed but thankfully there was none of that “oh I love you” “I love you too” rubbish that some people might have being hoping for, instead they simply understood how they both felt about each other. In fact the way Sam said Jack name at the end spoke more about their relationship then a million soppy speeches could ever do. As good as the Jack/Sam scenes were the scene with him and Teal’c was better. Teal’c, a man of little words, tries to tell Jack how much he means to him. All Jack does is place his hand on the side of Teal’c face and the two men stare at each other and without a single word uttered they understand each other perfectly.

In the background of all of this Kinsey is still trying to push his own agenda and take direct control of the Stargate program. Kinsey is one of the series more repulsive characters always trying to weasel his way into a position of power or control without any regard for others. Now he is Vice President and just waiting for his chance to get the bigger office. But before he can take his seat in the oval office he still has enemies he wants rid of, namely Jack O’Neill. Unfortunately that was Kinsey’s biggest mistake. Kinsey’s reason for having O’Neill removed from the Stargate program are purely personal, the two of them hate each other and Kinsey allowed his hated of Jack to come first. Instead of just lying low and biding his time he tried to get rid of the SG-1 as soon as possible thus exposing his schemes to President Hayes who not going to fall for anymore of Kinsey’s crap. By allowing his hated to control him Kinsey quickly lost whatever power he had managed to obtain and is forced to resign or face, as Hayes warned, be shot.

While Kinsey may be a snivelling pathetic waste of a man who will run at the first sigh of total annihilation Anubis is a more traditional villain and as a result he is caricature of what a villain should be. Anubis is nothing more than carbon copy of Sokar with the same origin story and even the same actor playing the part. Both are a Goa’uld who was banished for being really bad even by Goa’uld standards. In that time they gathered a massive army and return to take over the galaxy. The only difference between them is that Anubis is part ascended ancient with knowledge of their advanced technology which gives him a major advantage over the other Goa’uld. Apart from that there is nothing that standouts about either character with both of them just serving to simply make the heroes jobs even more difficult. Stargate has always had a problem creating good villains for the heroes for fight and while Anubis represent military might to overcome as a character there is nothing truly evil about him. He didn’t even destroy a single city what kind of evil overlord is he anyway.

If there was not going to be a another season after this one this would have served as a great series finale much better than Season Six’s “Full Circle”. While I still rank that episode as the best episode of that season it did not have the epic scale or sense of closure that a true series finale requires. These two episodes had both and a lot more. The battle at Antarctica was massive and perfectly realised confirming that Stargate has the best special effects of any small screen series. The effect of the Ancient weapon destroying Anubis’ fleet was far better than some laser of lighting style weapon we’ve seen before but it did still remind me of the sentinel swarms from the third Matrix film but that film was nowhere near as good as this so I’ll let them off. We had some closure with the threat of Anubis being dealt with and Kinsey finally getting his comeuppance, only the fate of the central characters and the location of the lost city of the title remained unresolved. The fate of Jack would not have been so open-ended had this been the finale episode, although I fear a last minute rescue by Thor would have been hard to swallow so I can imagine that Jack might have died if the show was not to return for another season. As much as this would have saddened me to see him die I would have been able to accept this, as it would have felt like the natural conclusion to the story; Jack giving his life to save the world, how more heroic can you get than the noble sacrifice for the greater good. I can imagine many fans would have been up in arms about this conclusion and they have the right to their opinion but for my money that’s how I think and feel it would have ended.

The fate of the lost city could have been left over by the writers and picked up later when Atlantis started. The resolution of this storyline was nowhere near as important as the character arcs of the central four so I was quite happy for it to remain unsolved as long as we got the emotional ending we needed. Some might find it anti-climatic that the lost city is not discovered at all but that is not what this story is about. It’s about Jack and his quest to stop Anubis and save Earth, with search for Atlantis used as the means to get the hero and villain into finale conflict. This episode was about the climax of that conflict as Anubis is finally defeated and SG-1 save the world…again. The lost city doesn’t have to be found as long as we know that Anubis now defiantly won’t be the one to find it.

Who or what is the Bad Wolf? All throughout this series we have seen the words ‘Bad Wolf’ pop up everywhere the Doctor and Rose travelled. At first the references where subtle and I for one didn’t notices them until they were pointed out to me. In “The End Of The World” there is talk of the Bad Wolf scenario among the guests on Platform 1. The words appeared again in “The Unquiet Dead” with Gwyneth seeing a “big Bad Wolf” in Rose’s future. Back on Earth in “Aliens of London” the phrase is graffiti on the side of the Tardis. Henry Stanton helicopter is named Bad Wolf in “Dalek”. It appears again as the name of a TV channel in the prequel to this episode “The Long Game”. Bad Wolf is seen on as graffiti again in “Father’s Day” where it is painted over a poster. In “The Doctor Dances” Jack is on top of a German bomb with the words Bad Wolf on the side in German. And finally the power station in “Boom Town” is a welsh translation of Bad Wolf.

It is point where Rose and the Doctor first begin to take notices of the Bad Wolf phenomenon that has been chasing them since day one, but the Doctor tells her it is just a simple coincidence. Know the Doctor as many of us long term fans do it would be foolish of us to take the Doctor’s claim at face value. He is a man of science and reason, someone who is unlikely to believe in such an improbable fluke. Was he aware of the words meaning, did he suspect someone is watching him and if so was he trying to protect Rose for his unseen enemy.

The episode opens with the Doctor finding himself and unwilling housemate in the Big Brother house unsure of how he got there. Rose is in a similar situation forced to take part in a life and death game of The Weakest Link with the fearsome Anne-Droid. Jack meanwhile is getting a make over from a robotic Trinny and Susannah on What Not To Wear. The twist in the tale is that anyone who competes and loses is automatically disintegrated or in Jack’s case has they’re head removed for the sake of fashion.

As a satire on the current boom in reality television this episode is rather tame. Considering most of this shows have turned into self-parodies all on their own any attempt by Davis to generate mockery is futile as all the jokes have already been told and this offers nothing new. In fact compared to the sexual excess of current series of Big Brother this version, executions aside, was rather tame in comparison. It is not until the true masters of the Game Station are revealed that things take a more interesting and sinister turn.

From the outset it seems rather self-defeating to have hundreds of programmes on thousands of channels which all result in the fatality of the majority of their contestants. The death rates would be in the tens of thousands each day and in the millions every year, after fifty years of this the population of earth would be deceased dramatically a perfect situation for an invading army. The twist here is the revelation that none of the contestants have been disintegrated at all but transported to a Dalek fleet for reasons that are not explained but I have a rather good guess why.

In the sixth Doctor tale “Revelation of The Daleks” the giant pepper pots creator himself Davros is in hiding on the planet Necros after surviving the events of “Resurrection of The Dalek”. While he is there Davors uses the bodies of deceased humans kept in cryogenic suspension to produce a new Dalek army. With the majority of their forces destroyed by the Doctor at the end of the time lord the Daleks may have been using the games as a means of rebuilding their forces while at the same time thinning the human population to prevent future resistance.

While I have enjoyed this new series there has always been one giant flaw that just refused to go away and was always on the verge of running for everyone. That flaw is Russell T. Davis. Rose, Aliens of London, World War III, The Long Game and Boom Town are the weakest stories not because they are bad (although Long Game is dismal) it is because of Davis unbalanced scripts, pointless infusions of silly toilet humour and too much focus on the relationship between the Doctor and Rose at the expense of story. Luckily with this episode Davis seems to have gotten over his early foibles and put all his energies into telling a good story with welcome little character moments for our three heroes.

It is a rare occasion when Davis is writing an episode where Eccleston’s Doctor isn’t a grinning berk going fantastic every five seconds. Here Eccleston is at his finest giving us a Doctor who is focused and determined when first thrown into the BB house, silent and heartbroken when he believes Rose is gone and overjoyed when he Jack discover she is alive. And his final declaration of war with the galactic pepper pots was just brilliant.

Jack continues to develop into an crucial part of the Tardis crew as he uses some…er…well hidden weaponry to make his escape, build a bigger gun and show true grief over Rose’s ‘death’. Jack is the action man of the team, the one who beats up bad guy heavies and still make time to flirt with…well everybody. Here’s hoping he’s back next year as the dynamic with him, Rose and the Doctor is quickly becoming one of the series strengths.

Of the three heroes Rose is perhaps give the least work to do. For the first half of the episode her struggle through the Weakest Link is a pivotal part of the plot but after she is transported to the Dalek ship she has nothing to do but look scared and stand in the corner. What effect Rose does have in this episode is what she represents to both the Doctor and Jack. The Doctor is the mind, Jack the hand and then Rose is the heart, something that both men fell they’ve had broken when they see her die.

The supporting cast where perhaps the weakest aspects of the episode with none of them standing-out enough for me to care about any of them. Davis weakness in all his episodes has been in writing memorable secondary characters that you feel something for and want to see survive. Gatiss, Sherman, Cornell and Moffat were all able to surround the regulars with three-dimensional, flawed and human characters who we cared about and remember long after the credits rolled. For the life of me I can’t name a single character with the exception of Linda with an ‘I’ or a ‘Y’ if only because her name was the mot repeated.

Good Bits
-Eccleston. Why is it Daleks bring out his best performances.

-Jack. Goes on What Not To Ware, gets new wardrobe, destroys host. Good for him.

-Daleks, Daleks and more bloody Daleks.

-Doctor: No! Says it all.

Bad Bits
-Rose doing nothing but being the damsel in distress.

-Still not clear how the Bad Wolf has been able to follow the Doctor and Rose around for all this time.

-Anne-Droid. Not nearly as scary as the real thing.

When I first watched this episode it was still unknown whether or not there would be a second series. The show had only just started airing in the Sci Fi Channel in America and although it had opened to strong rating I was still worried. There have been many shows in the past that start well but quickly lose viewers and finish just as they are starting to find their feet. Or worse they are canned after only few episodes because Network chiefs expect instant hits rather than slow builders. I have just one word for them: Cheers. It started small but because someone had faith in the shows quality it was allowed to live and eventually began one of the biggest sitcoms of all time. I don't expect Galactica to get that amount of ratings but at the moment I just glad it has had the success it has. Now all I need is for Carnivale to get a third season and all will be good with the world.


Right I've gone a little of topic here so I'll better get back to the review. I was tempted to write a quick review and post it right after I saw this episode but instead I decided to wait until I had reviewed all other episodes and it aired in America because I didn't want to give anything away and spoil it for anyone who might read the review before the episode aired. If you have not seen the episode yet then stop reading and watch it right NOW!!!!

A good season finale will often have one key element that separates it from all the episodes that have come before. The element will always include the following words HIT, THE, FAN and SHIT. Anything that can go wrong will go disastrously wrong and things will never be the same. Did Picard ever get over being assimilated? Hell No. Whatever happens must have lasting consequences that affect everything and everyone next season. Well that how it should happen more often or not most people just hit the reset button at the start of the next season and all the fan hitting with shit is forgotten. The worst example I can think of was in Voyager's sixth season opener where the ship took on a bunch of new Starfleet officers who had gone rouge. Janeway gives them a massive speech about how they have disgraced the uniform and that they will have to work hard to earn her respect and then she dismisses them. After that they are never seen or mentioned EVER AGAIN. Somehow I don't think the same can be said of this series. Ron Moore proved along with many of his DS9 collaborators that even in something as unflinching as Star Trek they were more than willing to upset the status quo and have actual stir things up a bit.

The Starbuck/Number Six bitch slap not only provided this episode with a fantastic fight sequence but also showed that Six is a much more effective character when she is not a) pratteling on about God and b) stuck in Baltar's head. Like a smack down on Boomer earlier in the season when it comes to Number Six using her fist she takes no prisoners. She totally bat every inch of crap out of Starbuck (and she gotta lot crap) with such a furious anger that you just know she was enjoying it. She had to know about Gaius and Starbuck otherwise there is no other reason for why she was going jealous lover on poor Kara. Ex-lovers of Gaius Baltar beware there's a deranged Cylon out there and she means business.

Halo has just found out that he is going to be a daddy so he and Sharon better get wed quick because I doubt those god loving Cylon's want that child born out of wedlock. SINFUL. I expect that Caprica Boomer will survive next season while the Galactica Boomer with be shown the other side of the airlock. Six told Baltar that he would be the guardian of the next generation. Eh???? Questions, questions you think they could have given us a few answers just in case they weren't renewed.

So the Presidency of Laura Roslin is brought to a swift close when Adama pulls a military coup on her and removes from power for interfering in military matters. This effectively buts Adama in command of the fleet under a military leadership headed by Adama. But just as Roslin is placed in the brig Adama is shot by Cylon agent, which now means that Col. Paul Tigh is now in charge. And of course Tigh's wife, Ellen, may or may not be a Cylon agent and if she is that mean the Cylon's now have the ability to influence the entire fleet. Was this all part of their plan or did they just see a situation and take advantage of it. Perhaps the Priestess is also a Cylon agent and she has been manipulating Roslin all the time hoping that she would do something that would force Adama to remove her from office. If so then the Cylon are smarter than they look. The entire leadership is now under the control of borderline drunk who could hit the bottle at any minute and his with is now help since she the one who will give him the drink in the first place. Next season is sure as hell goanna be fascinating to watch.

Good Bits
-Number Six in one corner and Starbuck in the other. Two women enter one woman leaves. Welcome to the Bitch Slapping Of The Century.

-Basestar goes bye, bye.

-That music for last episode's teaser. I wonder if I can download it.

-Dozens of naked Boomers. Damn those conveniently placed shadows.

-The look of Boomer's face when she realises what she has done. It's enough to bring tears to your eyes.

-Tigh's shit-scared face as Apollo pulls the gun on him.

-THAT ENDING!!!!!!!!! BLOODY HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bad Bits
-How the hell did that iron rod not impale Starbuck as well?

-Surly Adama could have found someone other than Boomer to pilot the Raptor. She just tired to kill herself I sure as hell wouldn't trust her with something that important.

Some ideas for next season:
-Adama notices Starbuck can do almost anything and decides to send her to fight the entire Cylon war on her own while they make a run for it.

-Roslin goes up against a John Kerry-like senator in the election and wins.

-Baltar becomes President and decides not to invade Iran.

-The producers decide to replace Apollo with Richard Hatch and hope no one notices.

-Boomer takes after her Basestar counterparts and starts walking around the ship naked. I can dream.

-Ellen Tigh is killed. I don't care how.

-Dirk Benidict's moaning fails to get him a part on the show but Mr. T does shows up as the Cylon leader, "By My Command, FOOL".

-The Galactica arrives at Earth to discover the most powerful man on the planet is a simpleton from Texas. They decide to settle on Mars instead.

-The Enterprise attacks the Galactica accusing them of stealing their last remaining viewers. All six of them. Jack O'Neill and the rest of SG-1 show up and lend a hand in kicking Rick Berman's butt.

-In a massive casting masterstroke the reaming eight of the twelve Cylon humans are revealed to be George Cloony, Brad Pitt, Matt Damon, Andy Garcia, Julia Roberts, Bernie Mac, Elliot Gould and Don Cheadle. In special episode directed by Steven Soderberge Cylon's Twelve plan an elaborate heist to piss off Adama by nicking all the books and paintings for his quarters. Much smugness and fooling around ensures.

-Lorne Green's beard for Galactica 1980 makes a cameo as the Cylon God.

-Starbuck's mother is revealed to be Ginger Rogers.

-Everyone keeps asking Adama "Are we there yet? Are We there yet? Are we there yet?"