Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee

Season 1 Episode 4

Just a Lazy Shiftless Bastard

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Jerry calls up Alec Baldwin in his vintage Mercedes and invites him for coffee in New York. A candid conversation about their successes and failures ensues as they order breakfast.

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    • TRIVIA (2)

    • QUOTES (6)

      • Alec: You realize we have to leave Rebecca a thousand dollar tip now, this is the situation we've painted.

      • Jerry: So you want to talk about this acting thing. First of all, you looking at me, you know me well enough. When you look in my eyes, you can tell it's not there.
        Alec: That's not true. I look at you and I say 'he's a lazy bastard'. He has everything in the world that he could possibly want, but he's just a lazy shiftless no good bastard.
        Jerry: What are you asking me about? Doing serious stuff, do I have an urge to do something straight, dramatic?
        Alec: I'm actually considered one of the most articulate people in the Screen Actor Guild today and you seem to having difficulty understanding what I'm saying!

      • Alec: Well, I've said this before but your gift is the rapier-like comic skill, that you could just --
        Jerry: What was that word?
        Alec: Rapier, r-a-p-i-e-r.
        Jerry: Oh, rapier! (sounding like "rape-ier")
        Alec: Rapier, might get you in trouble. It could be misconstrued.
        Jerry: It's like two rapists talking... You think you're rapier than me?
        Alec: You don't know rapier! My cellmate in [jail] was the rapiest guy.

      • Alec: I'd like a tuna salad sandwich on some rye toast.
        Waitress: I have seven grains. Is that okay?
        Alec: That's the only kind of bread you have. You only have seven grain.
        Waitress: For that sandwich, yeah.
        Alec: We're not going to get into a Jack Nicholson "five-easy-pieces" here are we? Let's start all over again...

      • Alec: You've never been fat a day in your life, have you. Have you. Your life has been one unbroken boulevard of green lights, hasn't it.

      • Jerry: You look good.
        Alec: Are you surprised?

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