Season 14 Episode 24

Dallas: J.R. Returns

Aired Friday 12:00 AM Nov 15, 1996 on CBS



  • Trivia

    • We learn that J.R. shot the mirror at the end of the last episode of the show and went off to Europe.

  • Quotes

    • Driver: Welcome back, Mr. Ewing.
      J.R.: Well, thank you. It's good to be back. No place on God's green Earth like Texas.
      Driver: The car's right outside the terminal.
      J.R.: Good. Let's not waste any time. I got a town to take back.

    • J.R.: Hi, Cliff. Still brown-bagging it, I see?
      Cliff: This has got to be a bad dream. What ill-wind blew you into town? I can't believe the way you got your ass whipped when you left this town that you'd have the guts to show up here again.

    • Anita: For a dead man, I... I feel definite signs of life.
      J.R.: Well, if I'm dead, I've gone to the right place.

    • Anita: Not that it bothers me, but, uh, isn't that slightly illegal?
      J.R.: No... unless somebody finds out about that little clerical error you made.
      Anita: Oh... (chuckling) You know what really turns me on about you?
      J.R.: What's that?
      Anita: You make Machiavelli look like Mother Teresa.

    • Sue Ellen: Do you know anything more about what happened?
      Bobby: Some. He, uh, was on the side of the road with a flat tire when a truck went out of control and hit him.
      Sue Ellen: It just doesn't make any sense. I never thought about him dying, but I know I'd pictured it happening in a much more heroic fashion... or being shot by a jealous husband.

    • Anita: By the way, he tells me that Bobby had you cremated.
      J.R.: Do we have to talk about that?
      Anita: Well, I just thought you'd like to know that you're now living in an urn somewhere. (laughs)
      J.R.: Uh, you have a very weird sense of humor, my dear.
      Anita: No, I think, uh... I think "kinky" is a better description.

    • J.R.: And, Sue Ellen, I do want you stay, but not with half a man, 'cause that's what I am without power.
      Sue Ellen: Bobby's all man and he's not involved in Ewing anymore.
      J.R.: Well, that's what separates us. Bobby was involved, I was committed.
      Sue Ellen: Isn't that just splitting hairs?
      J.R.: No, and I'll tell you the difference. Uh, take ham and eggs. The chicken that lays the eggs is involved, but the pig the meat comes from is committed.

    • Christopher: You're crazy, man.
      John Ross: Yeah, well, it's the crazy guys that get laid.

    • McKay: You son of a—
      J.R.: Hey, don't take it personally. I mean, after all, some days you're the windshield, some days you're the bug.

    • Sue Ellen: Isn't this wonderful? Now, we're all in the oil business... only Bobby and I own Ewing and you don't. He loved the idea when I suggested it to him.
      J.R.: Why?
      Sue Ellen: Maybe just to upset your applecart. Or maybe... I was thinking about all the fun pillow talks we'll have about gushers and dry holes. Or it could be, I decided to show you I could be just as smart and as tough as you are. Who knows? It could be the best thing that ever happened to our relationship. Hmm... we'll find out, won't we?

    • John Ross: (to J.R. after it appears he lost Ewing Oil to Bobby and Sue Ellen) That didn't upset you?
      J.R.: Well, look at it this way, your Uncle Bobby's back in the oil business, your mama's gonna stick around to protect her interest, and you, my son, are gonna live here and learn the business from the greatest oil man in Texas.
      John Ross: Wait a minute, Dad. You make it sound like you planned it to happen this way.
      J.R.: You see, John Ross? You're learning already.

  • Notes

    • Christopher Demetral takes over the role of Christopher Ewing from Joshua Harris.

    • Rosalind Allen who plays Bobby's love interest, Julia, in this movie also played Bobby's "wife" in the final episode of the series when J.R. had his "It's a Wonderful Life" experience. Also, Tracy Scoggins who played J.R.'s lawyer/lover once played a call girl named Diane in the 7th season. In the story, J.R. tried to fix Diane with Bobby to help him forget about his divorce to Pam.

  • Allusions

    • J.R. tells Cliff that he's mellowed over the years and that he's now a "kindlier, gentlier J.R. Ewing," playing on George W. Bush's 1988 acceptance speech for the Republication Presidental candidate nomination, in which he vowed to usher in a "kindler, gentler nation."