The following scene were included on the version that was uploaded onto thatguywiththeglasses:
- 2:50-2:58: Discussing how Michael Jordan actually did stop playing Basketball and tried Baseball.
- 5:57-6:05: The Nostalgia Critic jokingly recalls the Looney Tunes shorts featuring Lola Bunny.
- 8:52-9:09: The Nostalgia Critic is offering Bill Murray a better job that acting on Space Jam
- 11:01-11:02: A short clip from the movie.
Nostalgia Critic: (Talking about the old Air Jordan commercials featuring Michael Jordan and Looney Tunes characters) After this big success, the marketing heads at Warner Bros. got an idea: "What if we turned the commercial into a movie, thereby turning the movie into a commercial, thereby producing commercials for commercials?" (gasps) It's like every advertiser's wet dream--a perpetual marketing, money-making motion machine that has the ability to turn shit into gold!
Daffy Duck: Well, that's how it goes.
Nostalgia Critic: And thus, Space Jam was born, the first film that was, quite literally, a commercial for a commercial for a commercial. But don't worry, they hide that fact very cleverly.
Stan: Get your Hanes on, lace up your Nikes, grab your Wheaties and your Gatorade, we'll pick up a Big Mac on the way to the ballpark.
Nostalgia Critic: Subtle.
Nostalgia Critic: Lola, as it turns out, is a girl bunny they created to bring in more of the female demographic. Unfortunately, they didn't really make her fun, silly, goofy or zany; in fact, they didn't give her any personality at all. They just tried to pose her off as some sort of strange sex symbol. Which is kind of weird 'cause she is, in fact, a rabbit. She's not a person, she's a rabbit. If it was a person, maybe it would make a little bit more sense to make her a sex symbol, but she is, in fact, a rabbit. [beat] Why would anyone wanna fuck a rabbit?! What sense does that make? Rabbits aren't sexy, rabbits are...food! I mean, look at her! They dress her in skimpy clothes, they make her wear short shorts...oh! And here's the biggest insult of all: they actually gave her bunny boobies! BUNNY BOOBIES! I mean, what kind of sick, twisted pervert actually gives a cartoon character bunny boobies?! I mean, if that Hasenpfeffer hussy actually has female genetalia, what does that mean the other Looney Tune characters have?
Sylvester: We've got balls! Nostalgia Critic: '''STOP, STOP!!!''' OK, all right...let me make one thing ''perfectly clear'' to all you Warner Bros. representatives out there: we don't wanna fuck bunnies. I can't believe I have to say this. We don't wanna fuck bunnies! I mean, we're people! Therefore, we want to fuck other people! I'm sure there's some ''small'' percentage of people out there that like to fuck bunnies, but that hardly seems like a very profitable demographic! I mean, I put it to you: have you ever seen a bunny that you actually had the hots for? (Picture of "Playboy" playmates in their trademark bunny costumes) THAT DOESN'T COUNT!
Nostalgia Critic: So, all the Looney Tune characters; Bugs, Daffy, Taz, Ho, and so forth; pretty much get their animated asses handed to them, and trust me when I say that no one is spared.
(Daffy has the ball. Panicked, he throws it to Granny on the sidelines, on whom the Monstars dog pile.)
Nostalgia Critic: Dude, did they just beat the shit outta Granny?! [beat] (Clip of the impact shows again.) They did! They just beat the shit outta Granny! They actually tackled, punched, and kicked an innocent old lady who never harmed anyone in her life! [beat] Can I see it again? (Clip shows again.) One more time. (And again.) (chuckling) Oh, my God, I could watch that forever. ''(Clip shows five more times in rapid succession.)
Granny: Oh, my...
Nostalgia Critic: But unfortunately, the movie continues, and it turns out that Michael Jordan and his Looney Tunes are actually short one player. Who could they possibly get?
Bill Murray: Dun du-du-dun dun-dun-dun-DAAAAAH!
Nostalgia Critic: Aww, no, BILL! What are you doin'?! Ya still got a career to lose!
Bill Murray: Perhaps I could be of some assistance.
Nostalgia Critic: GO! GET OUT! THERE'S STILL TIME! Look, you made it through Larger Than Life and you made it through The Man Who Knew Too Little, but I just don't think you can survive this!
Bill Murray: This is why I was born.
Nostalgia Critic: OK, I'm gonna give you the name of a director here, a, uh, (Picture of Sofia Coppola). She's kind of a newcomer, but she has a lot of promise. (Picture of Lost in Translation) Jus-just...think about it.
Daffy Duck: Very funny.
Nostalgia Critic: Of course, it comes down to a tied game, and its up to Michael Jordan to score the final point. But, in a stunning turn of events, they actually don't win. They lose the game, defying all cinematic conventions. Michael Jordan finds out that he is an imperfect human being, a fallen hero. He discovers the burden and responsibility that having such great power requires. But, he also finds that strength comes from the mind and soul, and not just from athletic accomplishments, and though, not the happiest ending, the film teaches children that, even in their darkest moments, you can always find unity in yourself. And that, my friend, is the essence, of all manki-NAH, I'm just kidding, he makes the basket and wins!
Nostalgia Critic: (After Michael Jordarn returns to the NBA) Oh I see. It's because of The Looney Tunes that Michael Jordan came back to basketball! Ahahahahahaa-GOD THIS MOVIE SUCKS! I mean, what were they thinking? In what insane asylum could this movie POSSIBLY be considered good? AND DO YOU KNOW WHAT THE AMAZING THING IS, THIS MOVIE ACTUALLY HAD FOUR WRITERS! FOUR WRITERS!! AND NOT ONE OF THEM KNEW THEY WERE WRITING INTERGALACTIC PIGSHIT! I mean can you imagine what the writing session with those four morons would look like?!
Fortune Teller: (with four other people) I see aliens. I also see Michael Jordan beeing sucked down a golfhole and play a basketball game against Bugs Bunny.
Nostalgia Critic: Actually that explains a lot. I'm The Nostalgia Critic. I remember it so you don't have to. (as he's leaving) God, what a bad movie!
This is the final review that would be uploaded onto YouTube before thatguywiththeglasses.com was up.
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