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Premiered Mar 22, 2008 Hasn't Aired

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Episode Guide

  • 2009
    • From Guilty to Self Righteous
      12/23/09
      0.0
      What's the term for a person who was guilty of something, and then fixes it and then is very self-righteous about anyone else who hasn't fixed it? Oh, I know . . . . asshole.
    • Elephant Cow
      Elephant Cow
      Episode 1223
      12/23/09
      0.0
      We're going to dress up a cow to look like "Elsie, the Rare, Pigmy, Spotted, African Elephant" and vanish her in the P&T show. Is it wrong to dress a cow as an elephant?
    • Nail Gun Trick
      Nail Gun Trick
      Episode 1223
      12/23/09
      0.0
      By pretending that my firing a nail gun into my hand in the show was really dangerous, I was morally implicating the audience. I've changed that. It's just a trick and I admit it.
    • Holiday Break 2009
      Holiday Break 2009
      Episode 1223
      12/23/09
      0.0
      Going on break for a bit. See you in 2010!
    • Less Lying
      Less Lying
      Episode 1217
      12/17/09
      0.0
      My wife went to a mentalism/magic show and came back thinking some of the tricks were real. And she's really smart and in the know. It made me feel guilty for the lying in our show.
    • Only Atheists Can Be Moral
      12/7/09
      0.0
      People who believe in god, at least a personal god who keeps score, can not be moral. They can be good and helpful and trustworthy, but not moral.
    • Magic for the Blind
      Magic for the Blind
      Episode 1214
      12/7/09
      0.0
      Man, I wanted to make fun of Teller for picking a blind woman to watch a visual trick, but . . . he was right.
    • Bowels No Move
      Bowels No Move
      Episode 1214
      12/7/09
      0.0
      Who's on First, Johnny Fuckerfaster and Bowels No Move -- I love and hate these jokes. Teepee full of shit!
    • You Can't Prove Anything
      12/7/09
      0.0
      Some Atheist woman told me she broke up with her boyfriend because she wouldn't say there was proof of no god. She needs to go back to him.
    • Singing the Beatles
      Singing the Beatles
      Episode 1204
      12/4/09
      0.0
      I sang "I Am the Walrus" and it damned nearly killed me. Do you know how much energy it takes to make up for a lack of talent and skill?
    • Magic for Children
      Magic for Children
      Episode 1203
      12/3/09
      0.0
      Man, I hate stupid little magic tricks, and I'm too cool for them . . . except after 3 hours with my children, and then I'm Mr. Magic Daddy.
    • Celebrity Dicks
      Celebrity Dicks
      Episode 1201
      12/1/09
      0.0
      You know the halfassed stars that walk around with body guards calling attention to themselves, maybe this will help you understand them. Or maybe they're just assholes.
    • Twist & Shout is Magic
      11/30/09
      0.0
      John Lennon's ripped apart and unhealthy vocal on "Twist and Shout" can teach you how to do ever magic trick in the world.
    • Elderly Parents
      Elderly Parents
      Episode 1127
      11/27/09
      0.0
      I got the best advice ever for dealing with elderly parents. It won't help much, but you're going to need all the help you can get.
    • My Son Doesn't Do Drugs
      11/26/09
      0.0
      I was a hippy in high school (still am) and the police stopped me all the time. My Dad said I didn't do drugs. How could he have possibly known?
    • I May Have Revealed Too Much...
      11/24/09
      0.0
      I found out the principal of my children's school watches these things. I never counted on that. Never. Oops.
    • Duplex Planet
      Duplex Planet
      Episode 1123
      11/23/09
      0.0
      My buddy, David Greenberger, does art that deals with the elderly. Funny, loving, beautiful, inspiring -- you gotta check it out.
    • Atheist Billboard
      Atheist Billboard
      Episode 1120
      11/20/09
      0.0
      Yeah, I'm just not a solidarity guy. I've got complaints about Atheist billboards . . . once a buddy told me what was wrong.
    • Something Bono Said
      Something Bono Said
      Episode 1119
      11/19/09
      0.0
      Bono said "Thanks for giving us a wonderful life" -- isn't that stupid, crazy, humble, presumptuous, self-absorbed, magnanimous, and lots of other things? It's beautiful.
    • Desensitized to Violence
      11/17/09
      0.0
      If there's any evidence that video game or movie depiction of violence, or any kind of music or art desensitizes real people to real violence -- well, I don't know what I might do.
    • Deuteronomy 21:10 -14
      Deuteronomy 21:10 -14
      Episode 1116
      11/16/09
      0.0
      I'm not a biblical scholar, but I've read the damn thing. But Deuteronomy 21:10 -14, sure doesn't look like a pro-feminist hunk to me.
    • Bono Bopped
      Bono Bopped
      Episode 1113
      11/13/09
      0.0
      U2 did a GREAT show. And Bono is a good guy. He does good things. And he's ernest. And he's sincere. And . . . he got bopped in the nose with a very fancy microphone. I'm dying.
    • Rape Bystanders
      Rape Bystanders
      Episode 1112
      11/12/09
      0.0
      "There outta be a law" to arrest and punish the gang rape bystanders. When someone says "There outta be a law" there probably ountn't."
    • Safe Street
      Safe Street
      Episode 1110
      11/10/09
      0.0
      On Halloween we took our children to the mall (I did NOT dress in a sheet) and they did their Trick or Treat at stores. It's called "Safe Street" and that bugs me a bit.
    • Daylight Savings Time
      Daylight Savings Time
      Episode 1109
      11/9/09
      0.0
      I know I already carried on enough about "Daylight Savings Time" but, it's history shows us how careful we have to be with temporary government crisis ideas.
    • Smothers Follow-Up
      Smothers Follow-Up
      Episode 1106
      11/6/09
      0.0
      Greg, for Red Eye was very supportive of me being reamed by my hero, Tommy Smothers, and told me his own situation.
    • Give Him a Hand!
      Give Him a Hand!
      Episode 1105
      11/5/09
      0.0
      Sometimes the whole world works together to make a joke that only I get. We have a wounded war veteran, give him a hand!
    • Atheist Greeting Cards
      11/3/09
      0.0
      You know, sometimes I add "there is no god" for no reason. A friend suggests a greeting card line.
    • Gay Porn Grammar
      Gay Porn Grammar
      Episode 1102
      11/2/09
      0.0
      I had a serious professional grammatical discussion of gay pornographic titles. I think we found the dirtier of two choices.
    • Halloween Costume Disaster
      10/31/09
      0.0
      Oh dear. An adult male cannot dress as a ghost for Halloween, if "dress like a ghost" means wearing a white sheet. White sheet on an adult male does not read "ghost." I'm such an idiot.
    • Grammar Girl Corrections
      10/30/09
      0.0
      Grammar Girl came to our show twice and found only 2 mistakes in my grammar and I explained those away. But . . . she might have been misdirected.
    • Dylan Christmas Album
      Dylan Christmas Album
      Episode 1029
      10/29/09
      0.0
      Dylan has done a Xmas album. I don't believe in Santa Claus, or virgin births, or jesus, or god, or flying reindeer, but I believe in Dylan. Man, I can't stop playing it.
    • Get a Life
      Get a Life
      Episode 1027
      10/27/09
      0.0
      If that's ever been said to you, be proud. Passion is what life really is and that command steps on it.
    • Zombieland
      Zombieland
      Episode 1026
      10/26/09
      0.0
      Yeah, I liked Zombieland.  George Romero, man, he invented a kind of movie, and his ideas grow in other people's movies.   All that was added, was Zombie's running.
    • Smart MILF
      Smart MILF
      Episode 1023
      10/23/09
      0.0
      I bring my children to playgrounds and talk to MILFs.  I thought I was clever, but . . . there are some smart smart MILFs out there.
    • I Love Tiny Tim
      I Love Tiny Tim
      Episode 1021
      10/21/09
      0.0
      I was asked to do a video for the NYC release party of a new Tiny Tim record. Since I had the camera out and my hair parted on the side and his uke and suit…
    • KIVA Micro-Loans
      KIVA Micro-Loans
      Episode 1021
      10/21/09
      0.0
      I'm not telling you to give money to these guys, but it sure is fun to loan money to wonderful people who need it. Fun fun fun.
    • Nicholson Baker's New Book
      10/19/09
      0.0
      The NYT said Nicholson Baker's new book sounded like a "mildly drunken Penn Jillette . . ." Wow, I better start drinking.
    • Cell Phone Fact Checking
      10/15/09
      0.0
      I really need to have conversations with people where cell phones are OFF. People check facts, and miss the truth. Cell phones make people answer rhetorical questions.
    • Playing Music with Mull and Smothers
      10/13/09
      0.0
      I did Paul Provenz's ShowTime show "Green Room" with Martin Mull and Tommy Smothers -- two of the biggest heroes of my life.
    • The Wizard of Oz
      The Wizard of Oz
      Episode 1012
      10/12/09
      0.0
      I watch the Wizard of Oz with my young children. And well, yeah, then, I abandoned them during the scary parts
    • Have I Converted?
      Have I Converted?
      Episode 1009
      10/9/09
      0.0
      I let churches use my PennSays about proselytizing, and now someone says that's proof I'm not longer Atheist. Just shoot me.
    • Defending Glenn Beck
      Defending Glenn Beck
      Episode 1008
      10/8/09
      0.0
      It gets harder and harder to defend Glenn Beck on any front at all. But, it was hard to defend Abbie Hoffman in the 60's. They are the same to me.
    • Cheap Trick Playing Sgt. Pepper
      9/8/09
      0.0
      I saw Cheap Trick and an orchestra do "Sgt Pepper" all the way through live. It was stupid. No reason to do it. And just perfect and beautiful for that reason.
    • Penn & Teller iPhone App
      9/6/09
      0.0
      P&T just debuted a new iPhone app at TechCrunch. It's a great app, but I didn't know I was out there asking for money from judges.
    • John Lennon was the Drummer
      9/5/09
      0.0
      The great thing about romantic pop bands, is forcing the wrong person on the wrong instrument. John Lennon is a drummer, Paul is a lead guitar player. Ringo just is.
    • Padma
      Padma
      Episode 1001
      10/1/09
      0.0
      I met Padma Lakshmi and she proved, once again, that I am such an asshole loser.
    • Happy Blasphemy Day
      Happy Blasphemy Day
      Episode 0929
      9/29/09
      0.0
      September 30th is "Blasphemy Day" and, well, I'm doing my part. There is no god. There is no god. There is no god.
    • The Beatles Remastered
      9/28/09
      0.0
      Man, the new Beatles remasters are amazing. I'm listening to all of them, in order, mono and stereo. And Sony didn't give them to me either.
    • The La La Song
      The La La Song
      Episode 0925
      9/25/09
      0.0
      For a change, I'm doing a song for this PennSays. It's "The La La Song." I wrote it. I play drums. I sing . . . kinda.
    • The Beatles as Proof of God
      9/25/09
      0.0
      A big cheese producer friend of mines says the Beatles are proof of god. I think they're proof of George Martin.
    • Wayne's World
      Wayne's World
      Episode 0924
      9/24/09
      0.0
      I love friendship, pure affection and living outside of the law. The Three Stooges and Wayne's World.
    • Three Stooges With My Kids
      9/21/09
      0.0
      I got the pure parental joy of watching the Three Stooges with my toddlers. Mox and Zz Nyuk Nyuk.
    • In-N-Out Cup Quotes
      In-N-Out Cup Quotes
      Episode 0921
      9/16/09
      0.0
      In 'N' Out Burgers have biblical quotes on their cups. Are the burgers good enough to over come that? Nope, not with Fat Burger around.
    • Three Stooges Marathon
      9/18/09
      0.0
      I'm watching all 190 Three Stooges shorts in order. I finished Volume 1 and I have some thoughts.
    • Seeing David Allan Coe Live
      9/17/09
      0.0
      Teller and I went to see David Allan Coe in the 70's a Gilley's. I don't know how we lived through it, but we became Penn & Teller.
    • Matching Penises
      Matching Penises
      Episode 0915
      9/15/09
      0.0
      In the circumcision debate, people say that "boys should match their fathers." What the fucking fuck? Where are these father/son cock matching demonstrations? That seems wrong to me.
    • Atheists #3 on Facebook
      9/14/09
      0.0
      According to the Washington Post Facebook says in their religion category, #1 is "Christian," #2 is Islam, and #3 is ATHEIST! Wow. And they're cheating to get us down that far. We might be higher.
    • Paying Respect to Roy Horn
      9/14/09
      0.0
      When Roy Horn got his head bit off by a fucking tiger, I went out and bought leather pants. Here's why.
    • David Allan Coe
      David Allan Coe
      Episode 0911
      9/11/09
      0.0
      I bumped into David Allan Coe and invited him to our show. I didn't have the balls to invite him out for ice cream. He's batshit crazy and I love him.
    • If You Love Your Parents...
      9/9/09
      0.0
      The right is fighting healthcare with "scare tactics" but a friend sent me an article FOR healthcare that uses an anecdote AND says if you love your parents you'll agree with me. It's even worse.
    • UniTasking
      UniTasking
      Episode 0908
      9/8/09
      0.0
      I'm trying really hard to learn to unitask. My phone just shouldn't be that important and maybe I should try to live in the here and now.
    • Religion and Health Care
      9/4/09
      0.0
      Whether you are for or against government healthcare the "Religious Conscience" should REALLY piss you off. If you're an "established religion" -- you don't have to pay the tax or treat your children.
    • Glenn Beck
      Glenn Beck
      Episode 0903
      9/3/09
      0.0
      Obama is not racist. Glenn Beck is not racist. And why do people who don't watch a show have a vote about it?
    • Atheists #3 on Facebook
      9/2/09
      0.0
      According to the Washington Post Facebook says in their religion category, #1 is "Christian," #2 is Islam, and #3 is ATHEIST! Wow. And they're cheating to get us down that far. We might be higher.
    • I'm a Sorry Pig
      I'm a Sorry Pig
      Episode 0901
      8/1/09
      0.0
      A guy does his time for a crime and wants to get back on his feet and we can't be associated with him. I'm such a pig. Such a sorry pig.
    • Apheresis
      Apheresis
      Episode 0831
      8/31/09
      0.0
      I love doing apheresis platelet donation. I help people, I get to read in a nice chair and my phlebotomist (and I have one) brings me chilled cranberry juice. What a deal.
    • It Ruined the Whole Show
      8/27/09
      0.0
      I hit a women in the head with an aluminum foil ball during our show. She wanted her money back. She was "distracted."
    • Texting While Driving
      Texting While Driving
      Episode 0825
      8/25/09
      0.0
      I've stopped doing anything else while I'm driving. So, now I drive like Burt Reynolds picking up Dom in Cannonball Run!
    • America's Got Talent
      America's Got Talent
      Episode 0824
      8/24/09
      0.0
      We were on "America's Done Got Some of That There Talent," where they let us cut a woman into halves and get bloody. Here's my side of the story.
    • Ripping Michael Vick's Face Off
      8/21/09
      0.0
      I know nothing about football, or dog fighting, or the legal system, and I know that wishing doesn't work. But . . . wishing for Michael Vick to be tortured doesn't seem like it should be called "compassion."
    • Bob Dylan's ID
      Bob Dylan's ID
      Episode 0820
      8/20/09
      0.0
      Bob Dylan was stopped and asked for I.D. in Jersey. He didn't say, "Do you know who the fuck I am?" and he shouldn't have had to.
    • Evangelical Kung Fu
      Evangelical Kung Fu
      Episode 0818
      8/18/09
      0.0
      Because I'm the guy who gets proselytized to the most, I'm getting good at it. I'm becoming the Atheist/Evangelical Kung Fu master. You come at me with Jesus, I'll take you down to ChinaTown.
    • Egrams
      Egrams
      Episode 0817
      8/17/09
      0.0
      Christians are praying for me and writing me notes and making children write me notes and . . . see me bang my head against the wall.
    • Egrams
      Egrams
      Episode 0817
      8/17/09
      0.0
      Christians are praying for me and writing me notes and making children write me notes and . . . see me bang my head against the wall.
    • Ghostbusters WTC
      Ghostbusters WTC
      Episode 0814
      8/14/09
      0.0
      The Ghostbusters game is set in 1991, but there is no World Trade Center Buildings on the skyline. At least that's what I was told.
    • You Can't Really Call Me a Magician
      8/13/09
      0.0
      Penn knows he's not a magician because of his inability to lie to people.
    • Atheist Eagles
      Atheist Eagles
      Episode 0811
      8/18/09
      0.0
      This guy who wrote a book that I read and liked wanted me to congratulate his son on being an Eagle Scout. Oh dear. Bad move.
    • Randi is Always Right
      8/11/09
      0.0
      Randi doesn't think any psychics so far have predicted the future. But, The Amazing Randi himself can.
    • After the Show
      After the Show
      Episode 810
      8/10/09
      0.0
      After every show we hang out and talk to folks.  We do it because we like it.
    • Not SkitSnack
      Not SkitSnack
      Episode 807
      8/7/09
      0.0
      I found out that "Skitsnack" is NOT the name of "Bullshit" in Sweden. I was W. Wrongy Wrongenstein.
    • When Silence Speaks
      When Silence Speaks
      Episode 806
      8/6/09
      0.0
      I was in a room with 800 people, dead quiet for an hour. It was really powerful. Maybe those Quakers were on to something.
    • Mr. Deity
      Mr. Deity
      Episode 804
      7/4/09
      0.0
      Mr. Deity gave a shout out to Penn & Teller's Bullet Catch, so here's a shout out right back. Lucifer says, "Penn works for me."
    • Failed Psychic
      Failed Psychic
      Episode 803
      7/3/09
      0.0
      The failed psychic, Connie Sonne said there was "no test" that could prove her wrong. What the fuck?
    • TAM 7
      TAM 7
      Episode 731
      7/31/09
      0.0
      Penn invites everyone to join him The Amazing meeting this year July 9th-12th 2009 at the South Point Hotel & Casino. Then join Penn & Teller at the Rio for a great magic show.
    • Viewer Mail - American Czars
      7/28/09
      0.0
      Viewer Mail -- Skarloey123 and Plipsig have comments about "Incite" and Czars and I'm on it.
    • We're Still Right About Circumcision
      Regardless of new studies, Penn still believes that circumcision isn't justified.
    • Viewer Mail - Kiddie Porn Thought Crime
      AlexAwesome let me know about an amazing "thought crime" court case. Now, if I could just learn to pronounce "Manga."
    • My Children Saw My Show
      7/23/09
      0.0
      My daughter and son so the Penn & Teller show live on stage at the Rio for the first time. Man, we were nervous.
    • Campus Crusade for Christ
      7/21/09
      0.0
      I, Penn Jillette, am part of the Campus Crusade for Christ. It's a nutty world, people, a nutty world.
    • Viewer Mail - The Free Market
      7/20/09
      0.0
      Viewer Mail -- JasonLeeHolm wants to know how we protect consumers without screwing up the free market. Luckily, I have the answer.
    • Bill Donahue is a Dipshit
      7/17/09
      0.0
      Yeah, I'm talking about the new Justice, the Catholic League asshole, and abortion. Please don't turn on me.
    • Viewer Mail - Bill Donahue is a Dipshit
      Viewer Mail -- AwakenedSamus is a Catholic who thinks Bill Donahue is a dipshit. Shouldn't all Catholics think that and say it all the time?
    • Viewer Mail - Do I Read Your Comments?
      Viewer Mail - The most common question in the comments is do I read the comments. Well, yes and no -- It's because of the Cohen Brothers.
    • Unibomber
      Unibomber
      Episode 714
      7/14/09
      0.0
      It's not O'Reilly and Beck's fault that right wing nuts kill people any more than the Unibomber is Gore's fault.
    • Aristocrats Law
      Aristocrats Law
      Episode 0713
      7/13/09
      0.0
      "The Aristocrats," my dirty dirty dirty movie, is mentioned by a judge in the Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals dissent. He didn't like it.
    • Virtual Kiddie Porn
      Virtual Kiddie Porn
      Episode 710
      7/10/09
      0.0
      I think if real children aren't hurt, it's not kiddie porn. Virtual ain't real.
    • Al Franken
      Al Franken
      Episode 0709
      7/9/09
      0.0
      Should we be loyal to the individual or to the ideal? I chose the ideal, but I'm still happy a good man and a co-worker, Al Frankin, got what he wanted.
    • From the Great Apes to Cyberspace
      7/7/09
      0.0
      I finished this book about how cooking shaped our evolution, and it made me think of my own annoying theory.
    • American Idol Ignorance
      7/6/09
      0.0
      "Ignorance of your Culture is not Considered Cool" I've lived by that, but American Idol makes me wonder.
    • Sony and the Stooges
      7/2/09
      0.0
      I am so proud to be associated with the company that is showing proper respect to The Three Stooges and it took them only 70 years to do it.
    • SkitSnack
      SkitSnack
      Episode 0701
      7/1/09
      0.0
      It's the Swedish word for Bullshit. If only we had called our show that, we could advertise -- no one speaks Swedish.
    • Michael Jackson and Bullshit
      7/1/09
      0.0
      I had to go on the radio in Chicago and sell my stupid Bullshit TV show, right when Michael Jackson died. Im such an asshole.
    • Today Show Psychic
      Today Show Psychic
      Episode 630
      6/30/09
      0.0
      There was a bullshit psychic on the "Today Show." I wish he'd had the balls to just lie like a man.
    • Princess Party
      Princess Party
      Episode 629
      6/29/09
      0.0
      I hate the whole idea of royalty, but I had to wear a little crown for my daughter's Cinderella party.
    • Endless Orgy for the Goddess of Perversion
      I miss big old pubic bushes. I miss bad bad women doing dirty dirty films that could now be shown on MTV.
    • Backstage at a Porno
      6/25/09
      0.0
      Which is harder work, fucking for money, or talking to David Letterman?
    • Cynicism is Hateful
      Cynicism is Hateful
      Episode 623
      6/23/09
      0.0
      I was fighting with a "hateful" poker pro over the cynicism of the redistribution of wealth.
    • Penn's Grim Portrait
      6/19/09
      0.0
      I try to be a sourpuss in my drivers license picture as a wimp protest, and find out I'm following the law. Bastards!
    • Mommy XXX
      Mommy XXX
      Episode 618
      6/18/09
      0.0
      My bosses at Crackle are doing their bit to mainstream porn and I'm all for it. You can watch Mommy XXX and then search her for real sex.
    • Happy High Taxes
      Happy High Taxes
      Episode 616
      6/16/09
      0.0
      Denmark, Finland, and the Netherlands have really happy highly taxed people. Is that a good thing?
    • Czar In Charge
      Czar In Charge
      Episode 615
      6/15/09
      0.0
      Man, oh, man, oh man -- why is the word "Czar" becoming a good thing? Tell me, please, princess.
    • Free Speech & Chiropractic Care
      6/12/09
      0.0
      We called chiropractors "Baby-twisting motherfuckers" but Simon is getting busted in the U.K. for "Bogus."
    • Blocking Scientology
      6/11/09
      0.0
      PENN SAYS - Wikipedia says no no no to Scientology's self-image-cyber-softening and Penn has something to say about all of it.
    • Live Free or Die
      Live Free or Die
      Episode 608
      6/8/09
      0.0
      PENN SAYS - Free speech isn't just an idea for Penn Jillette, it's his way of life and his daily practice as a red blooded American.
    • Up! vs. Up!
      Up! vs. Up!
      Episode 605
      6/5/09
      0.0
      Old guys with toddlers can confuse big old swinging tits with family cartoon fun. But, maybe they're the same.
    • Shecky Greene
      Shecky Greene
      Episode 604
      6/4/09
      0.0
      Shecky Greene is one of the greatest shows ever.
    • Imagine Moxie
      Imagine Moxie
      Episode 602
      6/2/09
      0.0
      Can a father be any more proud of his daughter. Moxie sings Imagine by John Lennon and Penn is filled with a father's love.
    • Sexting
      Sexting
      Episode 529
      5/29/09
      0.0
      PENN SAYS - Can you believe people used to prank call and call it mischief? Turns out if Penn were a kid he'd be getting frisky with the rest of them.
    • Calling Atheists Less Than Human
      5/28/09
      0.0
      Cardinal Cormack Murphy O'Connor described Atheists as not fully human. According to Mr. O'Connor the transcendental feeling is part of a full human life and atheists don't get to take part in it.
    • Godless Girl Guides
      Godless Girl Guides
      Episode 0527
      5/27/09
      0.0
      The Girl Guides of Canada are getting rid of their pledge to god.
    • Japanese Rape Game
      Japanese Rape Game
      Episode 526
      5/26/09
      0.0
      Penn states that prosecuting thought crimes are wrong.
    • A Fatal Bullet Catch
      5/25/09
      0.0
      Penn's apology for not accidentally blowing his brain out on stage.
    • Revolution 20
      Revolution 20
      Episode 521
      5/21/09
      0.0
      The Beatles' REVOLUTION origins.
    • JREF Million Dollar Challenge
      5/19/09
      0.0
      Penn invites you to join him at the James Randy Educational Foundation live million dollar challenge during the Amazing Meeting in Las Vegas
    • The Soloist
      The Soloist
      Episode 0518
      5/18/09
      0.0
      After watching "The Soloist" Penn remembers his friend Big Al in Philadelphia
    • Twittering
      Twittering
      Episode 0518
      5/18/09
      0.0
      Penn launches @pennsays on twitter. Instant updates on new Penn Says videos plus more Penn commentary.
    • Messing with Our Show
      5/15/09
      0.0
      During "Psychic Comedian" at the P&T show, someone maliciously fucked up the trick. 
    • Fireman Sex Aid
      Fireman Sex Aid
      Episode 514
      5/14/09
      0.0
      I have a sex aid that really works.  I'm not selling them and I don't do SPAM, so I'm just putting it up here for you.
    • Skeptic Article
      Skeptic Article
      Episode 512
      5/12/09
      0.0
      Exclusive: Penn reads an article he wrote called "Love of Truth and a Little Bullshit"
    • Prayer Test
      Prayer Test
      Episode 0511
      5/11/09
      0.0
      Since the proselytizing video there are many people praying for Penn to convert. Will he or won't he?
    • The NEA Ruined Famous Artists
      5/8/09
      0.0
      The National Endowment for the Arts has turned artists from geniuses to beggars. Libertarians make better artists.
    • Correction to Audacity of No Hope
      5/7/09
      0.0
      If Penn is even wrong about his favorite movie you can best your asses he is wrong about everything else.
    • Stories About Breast Milk
      4/5/09
      0.0
      Two stories about breast milk. Which do you think is more disgusting?
    • Looking for a Guy Like Penn
      4/4/09
      0.0
      PENN SAYS - Every girl's looking for a guy like Penn. Discover his secrets and snag your babe.
    • A Fantastic Compliment
      4/1/09
      0.0
      The best compliment we've ever gotten on our Sawing a Woman into Halves.
    • Naked Elvis Baptism
      Naked Elvis Baptism
      Episode 430
      4/30/09
      0.0
      PENN SAYS - How Penn was baptized by a fat, naked Elvis impersonator with a small Johnson.
    • IKEA
      IKEA
      Episode 428
      4/28/09
      0.0
      IKEA is what I want a corporation to be, and this is all I know about them.
    • The Audacity of No Hope
      4/27/09
      0.0
      Hope isn't audacious, hope is delusional.   I'm talking about the audacity of no hope!
    • Un-baptized
      Un-baptized
      Episode 424
      4/24/09
      0.0
      How can someone get UN-baptized?
    • Ask Not...
      Ask Not...
      Episode 421
      4/21/09
      0.0
      What do we really owe to our country? Who should we give our time, our life, our hearts, our love, our creativity, and our work to?
    • Glenn Beck's Tea Party at the Alamo
      Was Penn seen at a rally letting god bless America?
    • Kelly Carlin
      Kelly Carlin
      Episode 416
      4/16/09
      0.0
      Penn wants to be remembered like Kelly Carlin remembers George Carlin
    • Atheist Parenting
      Atheist Parenting
      Episode 0415
      4/15/09
      0.0
      Taking my son to see Clifford the Big Red Atheist Dog
    • Viewer Mail - Being a Beekeeper
      4/14/09
      0.0
      Penn knows enough not to be a beekeeper
    • Rush Limbaugh
      Rush Limbaugh
      Episode 413
      4/13/09
      0.0
      Rush Limbaugh spoke on his radio show about how much he enjoyed Penn on Larry King Live.
    • Counter Intuitive
      Counter Intuitive
      Episode 410
      4/10/09
      0.0
      Having a hugely charismatic leader, could be counter intuitive.
    • Larry King
      Larry King
      Episode 409
      4/9/09
      0.0
      Penn talks about a recent appearance he made on Larry King Live in which King says we need someone to tell the masses what to think.
    • Qualified
      Qualified
      Episode 0407
      4/7/09
      0.0
      On his recent Larry King Live appearance, Penn's qualifications are called into focus.
    • Madonna
      Madonna
      Episode 0406
      4/6/09
      0.0
      PENN SAYS - Penn has Madonna's foreign-baby-adopting back. Let her do it, he says!
    • Zappa Plays Zappa
      Zappa Plays Zappa
      Episode 406
      3/5/09
      0.0
      Zappa Plays Zappa is smart music, played perfectly, that can teach you what it means to understand and respect your parents.
    • Trillion
      Trillion
      Episode 403
      4/3/09
      0.0
      We're doing the stimulus package, which we'll pay for forever, but we could have just . . . . stopped paying taxes instead. A trillion is a lot of money.
    • Katy Perry
      Katy Perry
      Episode 402
      4/2/09
      0.0
      PENN SAYS - Penn shows up in Katy Perry's new video, solidifying that intelligence is hipster cool.
    • Flame War
      Flame War
      Episode 331
      3/31/09
      0.0
      How would you rather be insulted? Would you rather be told that your morals meant nothing or told "fuck you in the neck?"
    • If You Seek Amy
      If You Seek Amy
      Episode 330
      3/30/09
      0.0
      Brittney has done the perfect pop song. Just perfect. Sexy and great for children.
    • A Chance to Fuck Elvis
      3/27/09
      0.0
      If you had a chance to fuck Elvis or Bill Clinton and you didn't take it -- don't try to be a friend of mine.
    • Painting My Fingernail
      3/26/09
      0.0
      I've had my fingernail painted for most of my life, and when we did the 600' picture on the side of the Rio -- we all forgot.
    • Turning 54
      Turning 54
      Episode 0324
      3/24/09
      0.0
      This year I turned 54. I'm a year older than Zappa was when he died. Oh dear.
    • Dick Dale
      Dick Dale
      Episode 323
      3/23/09
      0.0
      The King of the Surf Guitar just beat cancer again.   Man, I love him on so many levels.
    • Penn &
      Penn &
      Episode 320
      3/20/09
      0.0
      For a brief 48 hours the side of the Rio Hotel and Casino in LV, NV had my picture and said "Penn."  Then they added "& Teller."
    • Lawyer Love
      Lawyer Love
      Episode 319
      3/19/09
      0.0
      Crackle's lawyers and Bullshit's lawyers, protect me from myself and others, but they've stopped a few funny things.
    • Viewer Mail - Knowing There's No God
      Penn does not know more than the Pope but Penn does not believe anything unless there is evidence.
    • Bull Bullshit
      Bull Bullshit
      Episode 0316
      3/16/09
      0.0
      John Stossel and Drew Carey called their TV thing "Bailouts and Bull" -- man, can't we even own "Bullshit" on TV?
    • Israel and the Pope
      Israel and the Pope
      Episode 0304
      3/4/09
      0.0
      The Pope was trying to censor private TV in Israel.   But, at least it's the guy in the hat speaking for Catholics.
    • Legalize Marijuana
      Legalize Marijuana
      Episode 0304
      3/4/09
      0.0
      As the one guy who's never smoked dope, Penn Says, STOP the war on drugs now!
    • Dr. Seuss
      Dr. Seuss
      Episode 0304
      3/4/09
      0.0
      In case being an Atheist and a libertarian isn't unpopular enough -- try my take on Dr. Seuss.
    • George Carlin And Fred Phelps
      3/4/09
      0.0
      Why do we want the assholes to love us?
    • Viewer Mail - My Children's Names
      3/3/09
      0.0
      Penn reveals the reasons behind his children's names.
    • Bullshit: Speaking for Catholics
      3/2/09
      0.0
      Only the guy with the funny hat can speaks for Catholics.
    • Help Me Write Something for Glenn Beck
      Penn would like you to help him write and article for Glenn Beck's magazine
    • Bullshit: Rescuing a Go-Go Dancer
      2/26/09
      0.0
      Why Penn Jillette got kicked out of the Las Vegas Palms.
    • Bullshit: The Nude Girl
      2/26/09
      0.0
      Penn's pet peeve about nude girls on Bullshit.
    • Viewer Mail - David Blaine
      2/24/09
      0.0
      Penn gives his opinion about endurance artist David Blaine.
    • Viewer Mail - Hell House
      2/23/09
      0.0
      Penn responds to a viewer's questions about the Hell House.
    • Viewer Mail - Jesus Camp
      2/20/09
      0.0
      A question about the documentary Jesus camp spurs Penn to discuss faith.
    • Viral
      Viral
      Episode 0219
      2/19/09
      0.0
      To viral or not to viral that is the question. Penn loves the internet.
    • Viewer Mail - Proposition 8
      2/17/09
      0.0
      Penn responds to California's vote on Proposition 8.
    • I Don't Think I'm a Cynic
      2/13/09
      0.0
      Penn doesn't think he has turned into a cynic because he's not a blind Obama follower.
    • Surrounded by Patriotism
      2/12/09
      0.0
      Penn finds himself surrounded by patriotism. Should Barack Obama have this much power?
    • A New Perspective
      A New Perspective
      Episode 0210
      2/10/09
      0.0
      As time goes by Penn finds a new perspective on the art he loved in his younger years.
    • Is Dissent Still Patriotic?
      2/9/09
      0.0
      Is Dissent Still Patriotic? Penn comments on the article by David Harsanyi. Check it out: http://www.denverpost.com/harsanyi/ci_11505879
    • What's the Harm?
      What's the Harm?
      Episode 0206
      2/6/09
      0.0
      Ever heard "What's the harm in believing in...?" Penn introduces you to whatstheharm.net which answers that question.
    • Pledging to be a Servant
      2/5/09
      0.0
      Penn responds to Demi Moore's and Ashton Kutcher's I Pledge video.
    • Stem Cell Research
      Stem Cell Research
      Episode 0203
      2/3/09
      0.0
      Is federal funding for stem cell research needed?
    • Unintended Consequences
      2/2/09
      0.0
      Penn comments about Outliers: The Story of Success by Malcolm Gladwell.
    • Funeral For a Friend
      0.0
      "The gift of a bible" keeps giving. Now some pastor is referencing "Penn J." (who could that be?) at a funeral.
    • Respect for Christians
      1/30/09
      0.0
      Respect for Christians
    • Early George Carlin
      Early George Carlin
      Episode 0129
      1/29/09
      0.0
      Early George Carlin: Time has passed since George Carlin passed. How has Penn been affected?
    • Requests for the No God Band
      1/27/09
      0.0
      Penn wants to get a band together for The Amazing Meeting.
    • 2008 Wrap-up: Home Video
      1/26/09
      0.0
      2008 Wrap-up: Home Video - Penn reveals what were the best of best in his home theater.
    • In The Air
      In The Air
      Episode 0123
      1/23/09
      0.0
      In England a bus reminded people there was no god. In Washington D.C. there was a billboard that did the same. It warmed Penn's heart.
    • 2008 Wrap-Up: Live Shows
      1/22/09
      0.0
      2008 Wrap up Live Shows - Wonder what shows did inspire Penn this year?
    • Inauguration & God
      Inauguration & God
      Episode 0120
      1/20/09
      0.0
      One nation under god? Penn discuss the lawsuit that Michael Newdow has brought before the nation.
    • God And the Inauguration
      1/20/09
      0.0
      In England a bus reminded people there was no god. In Washington D.C. there was a billboard that did the same. It warmed Penn's heart.
    • 2008 Wrap-Up: Books
      2008 Wrap-Up: Books
      Episode 0120
      1/20/09
      0.0
      Another Penn not a review about the books he read in 2008.
    • Getting Yelled At by One of My Heroes
      10/16/09
      0.0
      I sat on TV, while my hero Tommy Smothers yelled in my face how pissed off he was at me for appearing on Glenn Beck. It broke my heart.
    • Im 600 Feet Tall
      Im 600 Feet Tall
      Episode 115
      1/15/09
      0.0
      Penn is going to be 600 feet tall on the Rio. What is Penn thinking of when you see him in that picture?
    • 2008 Wrap-Up: Films
      2008 Wrap-Up: Films
      Episode 0115
      1/15/09
      0.0
      Penn only saw 22 films this year. What films were his favorites?
    • Tom Bergeron & Ayaan Hirsi Ali
      1/10/09
      0.0
      Penn gives you a very big hint on what it is like to be inside his head.
    • The Wrestler
      The Wrestler
      Episode 0108
      1/8/09
      0.0
      Penn speaks about "The Wrestler" by Darren Aronofsky starring Mickey Rourke and Marisa Tomei.
    • Come Together
      Come Together
      Episode 0108
      1/8/09
      0.0
      Penn discusses blow jobs in relation to Come Together by The Beatles
    • Painting A Joke On A Turtle
      1/8/09
      0.0
      Penn leaves his mark on a turtle and wonders to this day if someone ever was able to enjoy it.
    • Worst Assistant for a Bullet Trick
      1/6/09
      0.0
      Penn's message to his worst bullet trick assistant.
    • High Diving with David Blaine
      1/5/09
      0.0
      David Blaine stops backstage of the Penn & Teller live show and tells how he is training to high dive.
    • Times Square in my Underwear
      12/30/08
      0.0
      Penn strips down in Times Square and freezes his ass off.
    • Playboy and Aging
      12/29/08
      0.0
      As Penn ages and changes, so does his view of Playboy.
  • 2008
  • Best Of
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