Rescue Me

Season 4 Episode 13


Aired Wednesday 10:00 PM Sep 12, 2007 on FX



  • Trivia

    • The minor league baseball game that Sean, Teddy, Kenny, Tommy and John Sr. go to is a Staten Island Yankees game. Class A minor league ball.

  • Quotes

    • Sean: You know, the only thing I hate about watching games live?
      Kenny: Goin' to the men's room?
      Sean: Yeah, okay, well, two things. It's just so slow. You're sittin' there half the time, just waitin' for somethin' to happen. It's ridiculous. It's like work.
      Kenny: It's life. Actually, baseball's the perfect metaphor for life.
      Teddy: You know, I read somethin' like that in a book once.
      Kenny: You read a book?
      Teddy: Well, no. It was one of those HBO documentaries, Bob Costas hosted. He's a midget.
      Sean: Is he really?
      Teddy: Well, close to it. He can fit two of his asses in these seats.
      Kenny: Anyway, baseball and life, one in the same. Everybody always says that life is too short. Bullshit. Life, unless you get hit by a bus or cancer, or set on fire, takes forever. Just like baseball. It's a series of long, mind-boggling boring strecthes of time where absolutley nothing happens. So, you take a nap, and then after a little while, when that crisp crack of the bat hittin' the ball, so crisp, you could almost you could almost smell that would burning, jolts you awake and you open your eyes to see something so exciting an intricate, and possibly, very, very meaningful that just happened, but you missed it 'cause you were just so goddamn bored in the first place. Oh, you know, a couple of hot dogs, throw in some beers, the occasional blow job, and that's that. (looks over to see Sean napping, someone gets a hit and he startles awake)

    • John Sr.: Nice ballpark. (in captions below it says: 'Thanks for bringin' me, kid.')
      Tommy: I know. Sure beats Brooklyn, right? (in captions below it says: 'Anytime, Dad, least I could do.')

    • Kenny (getting tied up so he can repel down to the elevator that's stuck): Last time I had this much rope by my balls, I was wearin' a leather mask and gettin' my ass paddled.
      Black Shawn: Oh, S&M club?
      Kenny: No, Thanksgiving about five years ago.

    • Kenny: Look, Mike, I did a bad thing.
      Cousin Mike: What? You piss yourself?
      Kenny: No, no, not yet.

    • Maggie: You are not an alcoholic.
      Sean: Oh, yeah? Well, two nights ago, I went to a bar and I got shit faced, and I-I ended up takin' home this woman who I thought looked like Julianne Moore, and I banged her brains out all night, okay? And I woke up the next day, and you know who she actually looked like?
      Maggie: Tawni Katan?
      Sean: No, Lucille Ball. Wait a second, Tawni Katan, she's the girl who used to go out with the guy from Whitesnake, and in all the music videos she's like on the Hot Rod in all that lingerie.
      Maggie: Yep, that's her.
      Sean: Oh, god, she's so hot. I wish. (Maggie laughs) Wait, why are you smiling?
      Maggie: I'm happy for you.
      Sean: You're happy I slept with Lucille Ball?
      Maggie: No, I'm happy you had sex with somebody. I felt so guilty after all these months of wanting to sleep with you. So, she wasn't Tawni Katan, big deal. At least you got laid. And you know what, Sean? The only reason you slept with her is to prove to me that you're a drunk, which you're not because a real drunk either wouldn't have remembered doing it or woulda been so ashamed and afraid, he'd do anything possible to cover up what he did, including lie through his teeth to his wife to keep her from finding out. We are all good. I love you. I always will. But it's time to move on. ... Bye.
      Sean: You move like really move on? Or just a temporary good bye?

    • Tommy: It's just now I'm starting to realize how much money I make. Even the stuff under the table, I gave to you, you know, so you can buy everything for the kids.
      Janet: Tommy, you were always generous.
      Tommy: Right. What was the name, the Chinese guy with the designer shoes?
      Janet: Jimmy Choo.
      Tommy: Yes. There are certain things you carry away from a relationship, that is one of the things I will never begrudge you.
      Janet: My Jimmy Choo's. (laughs)
      Tommy: Yeah, 'cause I'll tell 'ya somethin', some of those, just the way that... they made your ass... and your legs look.

    • Sheila: In theory, let's just say I was gonna give Elvis a little earring, what's the worst that could happen?
      Tommy: Janet would shit a turkey dinner, okay?
      Sheila: So, then we'll wait 'til right before Thanksgiving.

    • Teddy: Jesus Christ, what are these, midget seats? Now I know why they call Yankee Stadium 'The House that Ruth Built', those seats are big enough for giant fat asses like mine. This is a minor league seat, I got a major league ass.
      Vendor: Beer here!
      Teddy: These guys are killin' me. Give me a break, pal, I'm an alcohlic!
      Guy (drinking a beer): So am I, go call your sponsor.
      Teddy: I know what you're doing Jesus. Surrounding me with temptation to see how I respond? I'll show you, I can be strong, I can do it!
      Vendor: Beer here!
      Teddy: Aaaaah, you! Over here!
      Vendor: How many?
      Teddy: How much for the whole tray?
      Vendor: 20 beers, 5.50 a piece, that's 110.
      Teddy: I'll give you 200 to stay the hell out of this section.
      Vendor: Okay.
      Teddy: Beers for everybody. (the vendor hands him one) Everybody but me.

  • Notes

    • Original International Air Dates:
      Czech Republic: August 9, 2009 on AXN
      Finland: February 18, 2010 on Nelonen

    • Music Featured In This Episode:
      My Drug Buddy by The Lemonheads
      Good Times Roll by The Cars
      She Dreams All Night by Syd
      Yastrzemski Song (Shoutin' Liza Trombone) performed by the show's cast

  • Allusions