The Onion

Season 201203 Episode 0323

Jeff Beck Lured Into Dark Alley With Old Guitar-Pick-On-A-String Trick

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Jeff Beck Lured Into Dark Alley With Old Guitar-Pick-On-A-String Trick
A study finds that newborn infants can tell if their parents are losers, all 6.5 million residents of Indiana join together to form a collective consciousness, and Ray Ban is unsure the public can pull off its 2012 series of sunglasses.

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