United States of Tara

Season 1 Episode 3


Aired Monday 10:30 PM Feb 01, 2009 on Showtime



  • Trivia

  • Quotes

    • Max: Alice isn't in a great mood today.
      Kate: Oh, I get it. She had to strap on one of those giant Maxi-Pads she wears. Alice thinks tampons are of the devil. She calls them sin missiles.

    • Max: Alice wants me to get her pregnant and have a baby.
      Neil: Alice is the one that's truly old school?
      Max: Yeah. Yeah.
      Neil: Hey, have you ever wanted to fuck the dude?
      Max: Buck? No! Fuck you.

    • Neil: I envy your sex life dude. You know, it's like you've got one of those three packs of cereal. You eat like a Fruit Loop, and a Honey Smack. You just dump the milk in the box and chuck the ones you don't like.
      Max: Well, I ain't chuckin' anyone. But I'm not eating that much cereal.

    • Kate: Hey, do you know when you order the salad at Barnabeez, it's actually not hard-boiled egg? It's this tube of egg-colored stuff called the Eggular. Ooh, and they also refill all the condiments with generic instead of Heinz. And they reuse the bread sticks.

    • (Tara confronts Charmaine for telling Tiffany, a new client of Tara's, about her dissociative identity disorder.)
      Tara: You told her?
      Charmaine: It was a team trust building exercise, OK? I mean, it was intense. We were asked to share our greatest tribulation.
      Tara: Your greatest tribulation, not mine. You had no right.
      Charmaine: It was private and intimate. My team leader was talking about his ass cancer, for God's sake.
      Tara: I'm like ass cancer to you?

    • Gene: This is the pizzazzing station. This is the last stop for each order before it goes to the customer. Now, it's your job, Kate, to pizzazz it up. This chart shows what zazz goes where. Like it says on your packet, 'it's the little deeds that make a big diff.'

    • Gene: (lights his cigarette with a matchstick) Shit. That's my last match. We're gonna have to monkey fuck. (leans towards Kate to light her cigarette)

    • Marshall: (sees poster) Hell House? Is that the name of the play or something?
      Petula: Oh my God! I've heard of these. Hell houses. They're like haunted houses except they're run by a church. Instead of Dracula and monsters, it's freaky Jesus-y stuff. It's homophobic and anti-Feminist and it's not theater. I'm out of here.
      Marshall: Wait, can we not jump to conclusions for five minutes?

  • Notes

  • Allusions

    • Petula: Even something mainstream like Miller or God forbid, Wilder would be preferable to this. Sex-crazed bobby soxers? It's not even good on an ironic level.

      Arthur Miller and Thornton Wilder are American playwrights famous for their works, The Crucible and Our Town, respectively. A bobby soxer was an adolescent fan girl in the '40s even more popularized by Shirley Temple's portrayal of one in The Bachelor and the Bobby-Soxer in 1947.

    • Tara: What, that psycho pinafore thing that makes her look like the robot girl from Small Wonder?

      Tara was talking about Vicki or V.I.C.I (Voice Input Child Identicant), the robot daughter invented by Ted Lawson in the '80s family comedy entitled Small Wonder.